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beccaelizabethHad a whole day of sleep, dreamed of many ways to get killed, eventually dreamed one of them worked and I was now in hell.
Hell involves a lot of standing in line.
So first there was the whole terror phase, then I said to myself 'bodhisattva' and started trying to help. Only I couldn't remember any actual Buddhist help, so instead checked my pockets and found a small Gideon Bible I'd once carried around. ... in my school uniform blazer. I was wearing my school uniform in hell? Figures... So, I got the mini Bible out and tried to look things up, but in the way of dreams I couldn't read and the pages kept changing anyway. So I was stuck with only what I remembered. "Love thy neighbor as thyself." Which I felt needed some tweaking for people that didn't like themselves very much. "And love thyself as if thou were pure and known." That needs work, but I was (a) asleep and (b) in hell. So, anyway, other people wanted a Bible, so I handed mine out. But then there was always another Bible to give away. Them Gideon dudes got an awesome distribution net there. And lots of people took a Bible, and lots of people started repeating the love thy neighbor thing, and we turned it into a song, and many many people sang it. Which would have been cooler if asleep me was better at music or if awake me could remember all the words. But still, in hell, people were caring and helping each other and handing out hope and once again believing there was a right way.
Then I was in another line, and behind me in the line were Ianto Jones and Toshiko Sato. Let me say up front that any hell that has those two in it is a hell with piss poor rules. Though I can think of some things they done I disagree with the whole giving your life to save others thing should count for some. But there they were. And it turned out the line we were in was for gifts, like for demon power to do something that seemed good. Which, you know, suspicion and worry. One of the options was limb replacement, which thankfully I was not in much need of. And another involved restoring life to a loved one. So you had to tell the dude at the desk in hell who your loved one was. So a whole lot of people were just hearing the rules and walking away. For one, how could it work if the person you loved was a good person? They wouldn't be in hell. For another, what's the odds that hell was lying? So I had a third problem, that being that I couldn't actually think of a loved one. But then I turned around to go and saw Ianto and Tosh, and I realised Ianto at least would have two loved ones. One of whom is pretty damn convinced which way he's going after. So I turned back to the desk and said 'Jack Harkness'. And Ianto groaned and looked anguished, probably cause he'd been having a bad day and here he was stuck in line behind yet another of Jack's exes. So I whispered to Tosh it was a lie and hoped she'd pass it back. But the guy at the desk was having trouble finding Jack, the system was very confusing. (Hah! Surprise.)
Then the TARDIS noise started, and everyone ran to look. And the TARDIS materialised. And out of it fell a Time Lord wrapped in a metal cage. And everyone else thought, TARDIS, Time Lord, Doctor! But I knew where we were, so I was in no doubt which bastard was in that cage. And I shoved it back in the TARDIS, which disappeared.
And then I was shocked at me, because I'd failed to meet my own standards on forgiveness, and I spend so much time thinking about the Master why would I react that way?
But everyone else was convinced it was the Doctor, and that was why - people latched on to the story of him in their hell on Earth, people do what he says, and if the Master had that much power things could go terribly wrong.
Still, should have helped him. Should help everyone.
Then there was shouting and asking for explanations and all sorts. And while I was distracted Ianto must have gone up to the counter and asked after Lisa Hallet. He came back to Tosh and said Lisa was in the Art Gallery. Why would hell have an art gallery?
I think I know. I don't think she was looking at exhibits.
Cyberwoman, on display. *shudders*
So I asked again about Jack, and Ianto was really upset, said he's not coming, he'll never come, this is hell. And there was a very loud argument where my calm seemed to him to be denial, and it ended up with him stabbing me in the shoulder with nail scissors off the counter. Which doesn't seem a very Ianto thing to do, but maybe he'd been there a while. So in the dream it hurt, as per usual, but it was very much as per usual, so all my usual coping skills applied. I told him, I knew hell pretty well thanks. 32 years of nightmares, I'd had practice. The guy behind the counter remarked there wasn't anything about that on my record, had I been ill? Oh yes, mentally ill, why did they think I was down there? Suicidal depression. And they were all, No! It doesn't say that! And I said, yeah, it's probably just mentioning the cars. Crossing the road with your eyes closed, it's like a dozen suicide attempts on the way to school. And the counter guy got angry, said they can't be having that, they'll have to fix it. Fix the depression? And then I facepalm, cause, yeah, hell would hurt more if I actually gave a shit. So, no new limb, but health replacement. Joy.
And then something dark happened in the air and Jack Harkness tumbled out.
And everyone was all *hugs* and grabbing and more *hugs*, and he was confused as all hell, obviously, surrounded by dead people, and then he started glowing. And I told everyone, hang on tight, and grinned. And everyone Jack was holding on to started glowing with him. And Jack grinned too, cause he got it.
And then at the last moment The Master jumped on his back, and just for a moment we thought Jack would push us all off to make sure He didn't get out again.
But then we were all back in the World. The Master recovered first - face it, he's done this a lot - and he legged it before anyone was in fit state to stop him. Jack was a bit busy returning from the dead. "See, the cosmic yoyo effect." We all grabbed on when he was getting pulled back up. So there he was, with Ianto and Tosh, but also me, and some other people that just happened to be standing nearby. One Hellbreak, courtesy of Captain Jack Harkness.
So upon finding myself in hell, what do I do?
Organise a resistance, and a prison break.
Clearly I have been studying the right texts. ;-)
Actually I need to do more studying. I woke up with this urge to email a bunch of religious leaders to ask them what to do next time. Would be a tricky one to phrase though.
On finding yourself in hell, what should you do?
And what texts tell you usefuls?
My list starts with Larry Niven's Inferno.
I suspect the Dalai Lama's would be different.
Hell involves a lot of standing in line.
So first there was the whole terror phase, then I said to myself 'bodhisattva' and started trying to help. Only I couldn't remember any actual Buddhist help, so instead checked my pockets and found a small Gideon Bible I'd once carried around. ... in my school uniform blazer. I was wearing my school uniform in hell? Figures... So, I got the mini Bible out and tried to look things up, but in the way of dreams I couldn't read and the pages kept changing anyway. So I was stuck with only what I remembered. "Love thy neighbor as thyself." Which I felt needed some tweaking for people that didn't like themselves very much. "And love thyself as if thou were pure and known." That needs work, but I was (a) asleep and (b) in hell. So, anyway, other people wanted a Bible, so I handed mine out. But then there was always another Bible to give away. Them Gideon dudes got an awesome distribution net there. And lots of people took a Bible, and lots of people started repeating the love thy neighbor thing, and we turned it into a song, and many many people sang it. Which would have been cooler if asleep me was better at music or if awake me could remember all the words. But still, in hell, people were caring and helping each other and handing out hope and once again believing there was a right way.
Then I was in another line, and behind me in the line were Ianto Jones and Toshiko Sato. Let me say up front that any hell that has those two in it is a hell with piss poor rules. Though I can think of some things they done I disagree with the whole giving your life to save others thing should count for some. But there they were. And it turned out the line we were in was for gifts, like for demon power to do something that seemed good. Which, you know, suspicion and worry. One of the options was limb replacement, which thankfully I was not in much need of. And another involved restoring life to a loved one. So you had to tell the dude at the desk in hell who your loved one was. So a whole lot of people were just hearing the rules and walking away. For one, how could it work if the person you loved was a good person? They wouldn't be in hell. For another, what's the odds that hell was lying? So I had a third problem, that being that I couldn't actually think of a loved one. But then I turned around to go and saw Ianto and Tosh, and I realised Ianto at least would have two loved ones. One of whom is pretty damn convinced which way he's going after. So I turned back to the desk and said 'Jack Harkness'. And Ianto groaned and looked anguished, probably cause he'd been having a bad day and here he was stuck in line behind yet another of Jack's exes. So I whispered to Tosh it was a lie and hoped she'd pass it back. But the guy at the desk was having trouble finding Jack, the system was very confusing. (Hah! Surprise.)
Then the TARDIS noise started, and everyone ran to look. And the TARDIS materialised. And out of it fell a Time Lord wrapped in a metal cage. And everyone else thought, TARDIS, Time Lord, Doctor! But I knew where we were, so I was in no doubt which bastard was in that cage. And I shoved it back in the TARDIS, which disappeared.
And then I was shocked at me, because I'd failed to meet my own standards on forgiveness, and I spend so much time thinking about the Master why would I react that way?
But everyone else was convinced it was the Doctor, and that was why - people latched on to the story of him in their hell on Earth, people do what he says, and if the Master had that much power things could go terribly wrong.
Still, should have helped him. Should help everyone.
Then there was shouting and asking for explanations and all sorts. And while I was distracted Ianto must have gone up to the counter and asked after Lisa Hallet. He came back to Tosh and said Lisa was in the Art Gallery. Why would hell have an art gallery?
I think I know. I don't think she was looking at exhibits.
Cyberwoman, on display. *shudders*
So I asked again about Jack, and Ianto was really upset, said he's not coming, he'll never come, this is hell. And there was a very loud argument where my calm seemed to him to be denial, and it ended up with him stabbing me in the shoulder with nail scissors off the counter. Which doesn't seem a very Ianto thing to do, but maybe he'd been there a while. So in the dream it hurt, as per usual, but it was very much as per usual, so all my usual coping skills applied. I told him, I knew hell pretty well thanks. 32 years of nightmares, I'd had practice. The guy behind the counter remarked there wasn't anything about that on my record, had I been ill? Oh yes, mentally ill, why did they think I was down there? Suicidal depression. And they were all, No! It doesn't say that! And I said, yeah, it's probably just mentioning the cars. Crossing the road with your eyes closed, it's like a dozen suicide attempts on the way to school. And the counter guy got angry, said they can't be having that, they'll have to fix it. Fix the depression? And then I facepalm, cause, yeah, hell would hurt more if I actually gave a shit. So, no new limb, but health replacement. Joy.
And then something dark happened in the air and Jack Harkness tumbled out.
And everyone was all *hugs* and grabbing and more *hugs*, and he was confused as all hell, obviously, surrounded by dead people, and then he started glowing. And I told everyone, hang on tight, and grinned. And everyone Jack was holding on to started glowing with him. And Jack grinned too, cause he got it.
And then at the last moment The Master jumped on his back, and just for a moment we thought Jack would push us all off to make sure He didn't get out again.
But then we were all back in the World. The Master recovered first - face it, he's done this a lot - and he legged it before anyone was in fit state to stop him. Jack was a bit busy returning from the dead. "See, the cosmic yoyo effect." We all grabbed on when he was getting pulled back up. So there he was, with Ianto and Tosh, but also me, and some other people that just happened to be standing nearby. One Hellbreak, courtesy of Captain Jack Harkness.
So upon finding myself in hell, what do I do?
Organise a resistance, and a prison break.
Clearly I have been studying the right texts. ;-)
Actually I need to do more studying. I woke up with this urge to email a bunch of religious leaders to ask them what to do next time. Would be a tricky one to phrase though.
On finding yourself in hell, what should you do?
And what texts tell you usefuls?
My list starts with Larry Niven's Inferno.
I suspect the Dalai Lama's would be different.