Jul. 22nd, 2013

beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Had a nightmare made of normal things. Like, I was living with my mum and brothers again. One brother had as his biggest stress trying to find the other leg on his mechanical spider toy, and the other helped look after us with his job of looking after disabled people. And I had a little job in the supermarket. And I had a best friend, according to mum, who was just as disabled as I am so she understood. And I had 'lots' of bookshelves (I had like three bookshelves) and all the shiny things (many many many earrings for pierced ears. while packing to move back to my own universe I admit I tried to take all the ones shaped like swords with me, but there were still far too many.) and lots of little boxes to put them in (because mum buys me little boxes when she can't think of anything else to buy, even here, even after being asked nicely not to quite a lot of times now.) and we lived in a big airy house with lots of big windows that was light bright all the time.

I admit from the outside that doesn't look like a nightmare. That looks like an ordinary life. And for anyone who would find that an ordinary life and not a nightmare, yaay. And there's nothing wrong with being friends with disabled people or with that disabled person in general. And I actually feel sort of ugly guilty for considering this a nightmare.

But it was so small. And nothing fit. none of it. I do not require shiny things, I have more than sufficient already. If they'd stop breaking I'd only need three pairs, maybe six to match things, for weekends parties. The dream had many many many more than that, because she wore them every day. It was like one of the big choice of the day, which shiny thing shall go in my ears. Blergh. And she didn't have many bookshelves because she didn't have much time to read between the supermarket and looking after brothers, and she didn't miss it. And her best friend had been defined for her by everyone looking at them and deciding two sets of disability were a matched set and look how much they have in common due to both being disabled, and that was as far as anyone looked, and she just... sat there and considered that normal. She had one room in the house and it had wall of windows, and downstairs had many windows, and everything was light bright, and in the real I put boards over my windows WTF make hobbit hole now dark please. It was like stretched thin exhausted overstimulated saccharine with other people in charge.

I no like. Not any of it. None.

So by the end of the dream I was packing to go back to my flat, which I have been trying to move out of for years but it was still better than all that, and yelling I was going home. And then I woke up and was totally 'phew, right universe!'

I like my universe with my books and my own space and my computer.

... woah, she didn't even have a computer.

Which I guess makes sense since I got computers with grants for college, and if she just stuck with the supermarket job she wouldn't have college or grants.

Argh.

*hugs computer tight*

... *feels like donating grants to give minimum wage people computers* ...
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
There's some very upsetting stuff about healthcare and learning disability
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/jul/12/no-review-board-deaths-learning-difficulties

Ministers have refused to create a national body to investigate the 1,200 premature deaths a year of patients with learning disabilities in the NHS
[...]
Instead the government has said it will give "greater voice" to people with learning disabilities and support the spread of personal budgets so patients could purchase better care.


NHS healthcare is called care. Community based social care is called care. Personal budgets are entirely the latter, and nothing at all to do with the former. What is being criticised is "delays in diagnosis, delays in treatment, lack of basic care and poor communication by doctors and nurses." Deaths are about 16 years early and about a third of the deaths of people with learning disabilities are because they aren't getting the right NHS treatment. To address this the government will... ignore it, because health care and social care are both care, right, so giving people the budget to pay for someone to cook for them will totally fix their doctor related needs.

Also the spread of personal budgets has been criticised because some people, especially the hard of thinking, aren't going to be able to do the paperwork, and most people won't know how to access the variety of services available, because only specialists with a wide view of the possibilities will have the training to think of everything.

In other words, their response is to make things harder.

Sometimes it's hard to attribute this kind of thing to mere ignorance instead of active evil.

But then Buddhism says ignorance is the root of all the other bad stuff anyway.

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beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
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