Jan. 7th, 2017


Jan. 7th, 2017 11:33 am
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I have been thinking about immortality
as you do
and I have been thinking that I have an ongoing tendency to invent characters that are immortal and unaging
and then they get to run around history and have grand epic adventures that cover centuries and so forth.

But every character of that sort I've invented has been unaging at the age I was at the time.

Which feels like a good sign, really.

Like, okay, I am forever scared that what happens next will be some kind of awful, as a baseline I could really do better, that part doesn't rock.

But I've always been fine at the age I actually am.

And you couldn't pay me to be twenty again. I mean, enough to change the world, obviously, I could make many sacrifices in exchange for Stark level riches or enough to get local housing fixed, but just, logical ordinary money? To look twenty? Ugh, like wearing school uniform forever, I've had that nightmare.

Obviously bodies that heal fast and get fit quickly are superior, but I've had a couch potato body that feels vaguely ill a lot since pretty much always. I don't yet feel like health and age correlate. So that's something to look forward to.

... aaaaand we're back to vague panic...

but, you know, so far so good. I can live with this. I like the silver and the sagging, shows I've lived here.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Have watched the last episode of season two of the librarians
sort of
because the joke of much of it seemed to be that the actor was pretending to be a terrible actor, and that's just embarrassment squick territory for me.
also their Shakespeare seemed out of character?
which is a weird thing to say.
So there were only bits of it left to like.
I liked the time travel shenanigans. the joke with the first time traveler picture was hilarious. the time machines the library has in storage including the TARDIS and that car seemed cheeky, but since the entire season has been about magic potentially brining fictional characters to life, it's entirely logical. and the eventual solution was elegant and fair play.
Also I like the idea of the quotes the Librarians used
but I had been hiding from the embarrassing bits so much I wasn't feeling it.

Also I'm sure it makes sense of you've watched the things he was in before, but the thing where Flynn turns up to save the day for the finale feels really weird if you've only seen the series. I mean, he's not a regular, and yet, it's his show. Except he's also the comic relief, and sometimes love interest, so it don't feel entirely wonky. Just weird.

I now want to see season three. which exists. more than half the episodes already. just not here. in the uk. where I know how to get it.

DVDs are increasingly yesterday's tech, and yet, they're what I have the hang of.

I feel increasing sympathy for generations of olds before me.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
So I idly invented an alternate gender system for a fantasy world, because everything being the same is boring

so in my world, nobody is assigned a gender, gender and bodies has nothing to do with each other, people just choose to be a man or woman or person and can stay a person their whole lives or switch as many times as they want.

So then I go to populate this world
and I keep gendering everyone
by binary gender.

I made this stuff up and I keep failing at it.

I decided my main character is nonbinary and I keep typing she.

I feel like a fraud.

It's like my brain is so thoroughly colonised I can run through it with a burning flag yelling 'no masters' but in five minutes I'll be back to doing the same old shit anyway.


Some of it is because I'm populating it fanfic style and just throwing characters at it to see where they'd fit, but of course in the source they're basically binary gendered, and basically all cis and not fluid, and then they just end up staying the same and my world is disproportionately white guys again. Which is daft, because I just made it up, it should not be white guys.

Some of it is because it's one thing to set out to disrupt gender by using unfamiliar pronouns or singular they, and quite another to get your fingers to remember. Singular they bugs me, you lose data, but there I am using ambiguously general you and that doesn't bug me, so it's just habit.

Also the per/per/pers/perself pronoun set is tempting but the first per doesn't fit, we have she he they in that slot already, so clearly it should be pe, which is then unfortunate. It can't be Phe because that changes the P sound weirdly, and Peh belongs to another set.

I'm better at typing ze but for some reason best known to my subconscious it doesn't feel like it belongs in this verse.

So just, in general, thanks brain.

I shall type a first draft and then fix it later.

But seriously, gender is weird.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
How to swear in three different languages. Badly, of course. But, swears in Latin, Greek and Hebrew were acquired.

Latin was so far the easiest to find. Romans had opinions.

I have also learned the word count button in Open Office on my computer does not want to count words. I mean, it's fine, I don't need to know, I logically can survive without... but it says it's either 750 or 1200 words I did today, and I'm sulking because I'm sure I worded real good and it should tell me so.

... actually the words are not very good, I started in the wrong place even if it's a good visual, logically I should delete the paragraphs before the main character hits the screen or else it makes the ship look too important for this stage of the story, but I have so seldom made words I'm just keeping these. so.

I have decided the only way to break a three year writers block is to discard all standards and just write whatever is in my head, then treat it as raw materials. All first drafts, when written, are perfect, because all a first draft has to do is exist. Once it does it can be sculpture or canvas or scaffolding, but until it does it's sheep in the mist and no use to anyone. So. I shall word.

this time for reals.



beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)

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