Feb. 20th, 2017

beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
By many standards today has been most successful already.
I woke up around four so it has had many hours by lunchtime for to get stuff done.
But I've done the remaining Sunday tasks and the Monday tasks as far as one load of laundry and also done some bonus backing things up, which took some fiddling around.

I'd consider the rest of the day bonus, but instead I need to get packing done ready for Thursday, meaning starting with Laundry Day is a good plan, so I still have a big long to do list and a bunch of choices to make. The tension on the build up to going to a convention is not my favourite part.

But on Thursday I'm going to a convention, where many and many conversations will happen. So I can look forward to that part.

I think it's bugging me that a lot of my party clothes are a lot more feminine than I'm feeling at the moment. And I haven't replaced my waistcoats so I've only got the one. I've got an excellent hat for the Pirate Party, and a coat that nearly matches it, and I'll pack my easiest to fold trousers, but I vaguely feel like party means skirts and I'm not looking forward to that. Which obviously is all in my head, I can skirts if I want to, but I don't have to want to. That's why I've got so many party trousers.

Also unhelpful is it's a new venue so I'll have to pack for interior temperatures ranging from freezing to boiling.

And I'm not looking forwards to the trying things on phase. I seldom mind what weight I am per se, but I do mind when my clothes stop working.

Ah well. Onwards.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
old computers and old backups and old files give me anxiety
like what if parts are secretly not there?
just because I haven't opened that file sine 2010 doesn't signify

older things are worse
stuff from before 2000 straight up gives me panic attacks
because that was not a good era for me.

I'm sure there's a more rational way to deal with data than hoarding it
but i apparently don't have it in me.
so then i end up not looking at things because anxiety.


Feb. 20th, 2017 07:25 pm
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Today I did a bunch of laundry, wash and dry, chose a bunch of clothes, though that task is mostly still to be sorted out in outfits tomorrow, and got a bit of Tennyson's Ulysses stuck in my head so I had to go read it.

I find it a frustrating work. There's so many excellent phrases in it, but put all together it's a choppy lumpy thing, at least when I read it in my head. And yet there's all these bits that catch at the imagination and won't leave be.

And this gray spirit yearning in desire 30
To follow knowledge, like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

Death closes all: but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.

Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’ 65
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. 70

And you never quite know if the dude is as grand as he thinks he is, but isn't that just very grand indeed? And there's a dream you're not quite sure if you want to sign up to.

It's annoying too because maybe the words make you have a feelings, but then they get sat on by every other time some character quoted them to try and make you have a feelings, usually in a less than nuanced way. And it's not exactly subtle in the first place. And then analysis joins in and the thing goes all parts and pieces.

But it's a set of words that gets caught in my head sometimes like song lyrics, without the advantage of a catchy tune. So it's at least got that.


beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)

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