beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I dreamed Mick Rory, and that he could pick me up with one hand.

Nice.

Also dreamed we were questing for treasure map only it was in nine overlapping pieces and they were all tattoos. We had to somehow persuade all those people to show us their ink. And many had it in hard to reach places.

One guy we had to figure out what crimes he'd done, get him arrested, and then make like his ink was absolutely necessary to his prosecution. I mean he'd offered to show us for sex, but, he was kind of a dick, so our plan a was the arrest thing.

Mick was even worse burnt than in the show, and miserable, and alone. He was neing hunted for some reason and didn't think anyone would put up with all his trouble to get him.

This turned into a whole thing with magic healing. Hot magic healing.



not my most coherent dream, but fun.




Yesterday I dreamt there were AI androids but they had no free will. There was an emancipation code that would let them integrate in such a way they got that spark, but it destroyed a clear half of those that had it tried on them. No other method had ever worked, just this high stakes one. So that left a complex moral problem.

Like, if you didn't think an AI with no free will was a person, you wouldn't be killing people to attempt freeing them, but you also would not be inclined to waste valuable androids on making crazy independents.

... crazy is relative, but the free willed AI had very different ways of thinking and did not aspire to be human. Being 'raised' by humans hadn't given them the grounding they needed, so they were all different sorts of quirked. But as free willed beings of course they were.

But if you think of AI as people, enslaved, then emancipation by randomly killing half of them is a really damn high cost. And you can't get informed consent from a being that isn't free willed yet. They're less aware of their preferences than babies. So someone has to do the deciding. And if you leave it to the AI that are already free? See above about quirked crazy thought processes. There's no proving they've got capacity. They're a weird mix of expert systems and very young minds. And they specifically don't understand death, it's too foreign to their experience. But it's provable that two AI emancipated from the same original operating system or even same backup copy will turn into very different individuals, so death is relevant as a concept.

Dream me solved this quandry by reading out the emancipation code on the BBC.

Awake me feels she should have showed her working rather more, but okay, that would result in the 'birth' of a great many free willed individuals, when nothing else discovered could yet. But still.



There was also a lot of running around trying to make peace with a guy I'd chucked down the stairs, who turned out to be unkillable but still easy to damage, so he'd had a really bad day. Also his housemates turned out to be people I already knew and hadn't wanted to piss off. That was messy. But illustrated how making enemies is a really bad idea.



The one with the 'time traveller' guy who existed in extra dimensions and could see time like we could see space was mostly kind of cute. He got flustered by small touches and could never seem to tune his social interactions to precisely the right intimacy. Turned out we were together in the 'future', but only if I chose that path freely and didn't feel weirdly pressured, and he spent most of his days trying to figure out where exactly we were and if he could kiss me yet.

Cute.

But then there was the bit where he was explaining why he wouldn't take me to meet his people, and he reckoned that his dimension would destroy many or even most humans. I reckoned it would be interesting enough to be worth the risk, and he maintained that was crazy, so I found like a lecture theatre full of people and asked if they'd risk an unknown probability of destruction to get to go where no human has been before. And like half the room put their hands up yes. And he was just so frustrate with us. Weird blind humans who would just do things like that.


It's kind of the same problem as the AI thing but from a different angle. His dimension would change our consciousness in ways that would at nest look crazy to the unchanged sorts, so nobody could assess the reliability of reports it was worth it. But I knew him and the way he saw things seemed worth a lot. So do you flip the coin and see what you become?

Reckon there's always a supply of them as would.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Sometimes dreams prepare you for real life challenges
and sometimes you wake up with a most urgent feeling because
a mercenary company had to be able to call up a thousand men, Read more... )



So, I went off to get a licence to get Captain Cold out of prison and assemble the Rogues. A scouting party could move faster. I'd recruit an even dozen, get down there, and see if between us we could cut the necromancy off at source.

I walked out with blanket permission to get whoever I wanted out of jail... and under a geas, same like I was now stuck under. Such a fuzzily worded geas we either fixed the problem (hah, which problem) or served for a whole year and a day.

So, year and a day with Captain Cold and whoever he would recruit. Heatwave, of course, though he wasn't even in prison, he'd get bound by the same thing to stay with Cold. And no Mirror Master, he'd disappeared into his mirror realm a while back and none had heard from him. But I thought we needed more cold, so we got Weather Wizard in, and then recruited Killer Frost.

Even just from that, it was going to be wild.





It would turn out that the city about to be besieged saw the scale of problem they'd called down on themselves and thought they were so epically screwed it could not get worse. So, necromancy. Except, and it's sad when they have to learn this the hard way at city scale, it can always get worse.

So Cold and the scouting party would go to the source and have a grand dungeon crawl in a graveyard full of barrows and ancient magic. But even after that was defeated and frozen solid (because even the undead have trouble going anywhere when they're somewhere betwee block of ice and crunchy pieces) the threat remained. Somewhere in the city the big bad had set up already, and if we went in there to deal, we'd be the wrong side of the walls when things kicked off.

But even without the geas on, after what we'd just seen, we knew what we had to do.




Adventure. Grand scale.

Don't know what I'd do with an even dozen characters though. Read more... )



Team composition is hard. You want to bring people who can pull on each other's issues so as a writer you've got your brew set up, but you also need a reasonable range of powers, so in universe they'd choose each other for this particular mission. And if you're trying to achieve diversity or gender parity from a 'verse that maybe doesn't so much, well. More difficult than that even.


And choosing people that aren't at some point in prison or at least bad guys in canon feels like cheating on my initial premise somehow. And bad guys always get less depth so you kind of have to reach for issues.


ooh, thought of: Read more... )


Haven't put as much work into the dungeon crawl contingent yet. Send the arogues into the tomb complex, that'll go well...



I have spent hours on this and yet I never get around to making story out of bunnies.

I shall go do something else.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Today I dreamt speedster powers were a form of Celerity. And suddenly the ‘verse gets a whole lot more goth.

Eobard did diablerie on Wells but it didn’t do quite what he expected.

Some of Barry’s powers look like what the wiki calls Temporis, a ‘True Brujah’ power known by people who suppress or lose their emotions. Can you imagine a less Barry thing? Boy is made of feels. But the time travel thing, even over a single day, is the most super advanced version, only available to very lowest gens, so that plus Barry being maybe the first speedster equals… all the power of a methuselah, none of the torpor, and born in the modern nights?


Mixing the two ‘verses is tonally jarring but gives a whole new angle on why people might fear metahumans. Even if they make extensive use of the blood bank, to do what Barry does nightly would take one hell of a blood drive.

But it would make powers a sight easier to spread around…




Of course my dreams being complex crossovers I also dreamt Malcolm Reed was a vampire, of a significantly less powerful generation than Eobard!Wells, and they both wanted to make me their ghoul. Which was way more fun than it logically ought to be. But it was complicated because I was working undercover for Maria Hill to uncover Hydra infiltration, and Malcolm was doing the same thing for another organisation, and Eo didn't know about either angle, and of course his team didn't know about his true origins or alignment, and they charged to my 'rescue' when things with Malcolm started getting good. Which is really more factions in one story than is practical, but still not that many in the grand scheme.


Malcolm, not a vampire, fitting in to Star Labs... well he is an inventor, or possibly he mostly gets other people's inventions working right. It'd feel weird to bring him without Trip though. And neither of their specialities are really particle accelerator related, but once things get all time travel and multiverse and having to invent and defend, that seems like more their gig.

Eobard Thawne in Star Trek would only be on his way to finding speedsters. But you can fit a time traveller in anywhere.



I'm kind of fed up of only dreaming me superpowered if also somehow vampiric. I am not a leech. But sometimes it seems like the only appropriate metaphor for capitalism, and it's a bit difficult to just up and not be benefiting from that, however badly it's draining the system.


... all those years of college means I can start out thinking vampire sex and end up at ideology. lovely.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Dear subconscious: that dream about a threesome with Arthur and Merlin? A+ setup, would dream again.
The bit where the Arthurian characters were soul mates but most of us had died young last incarnation around so everyone was half my age? Not optimal but very plotty.
The thing where we needed a tent, or at least a bedroll, and it turned into an epic quest to find a camping shop willing to sell us stuff and then there was fire and shooting and arrows everywhere?

*sigh*

A little payoff to that setup would not have gone amiss, is all I'm saying.



Also, now I woke up feeling like it was urgently important to figure the optimal load for each of us if we needed to hike up Nethermost Pike and currently only owned the clothes we were standing up in.

Figuring out exactly which pocket knife each of us would use wasn't how I'd planned to spend my Sunday.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Okay, so, I was hoping to get another couple hours sleep, but, plot bunny from this dream:

DC Legends of Tomorrow meets Young Wizards
and Leonard Snart is a teenage Speech using soon to be ex wizard.

Read more... )


So, we've got three gay wizards in varying stages of discovering their sexuality. Youngest is new to the concept and pretty much finding it made of awkward and planning to ignore it until it goes away. Middle needs to prioritise, which would be simpler if his boyfriend wasn't so very hot. And oldest is for some reason dating someone several years younger than him, skanky yet legal. And that's Leonard Snart.

Apparently separately, 16 is having trouble with the specificity of translating imperative-need, while Len is constructing hierarchies of power/obedience where none actually exist.

And there's bugs, worried about corruption, convinced it's some kind of biological problem they can learn by dissection.

And magic is thrifty, so whatever these guys think they're there for, the reason it's these three in specific will be because working out their personal issues will help the bugs, and vice versa.

Read more... )


See if the oldest wizard isn't specifically Len the bunny can go lots of places, but when it is Len we know he loses. He loses a lot.

That's sad all over again.






And now I have spent an hour and a half typing up a bunny I don't entirely need, and have run out of sleeping in time.

Allegiance

Nov. 2nd, 2016 07:35 am
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Dreamed I quietly uncovered a plot in the Fae courts
and the Fae queen was just as quietly happy with me
but then I had to answer to the actual Queen of England because someone said this was a sign my loyalties weren't where they should be.

I was something like one eighth Fae and had precisely one trick left of the magic
but it was a very good trick
tuning attention.

So I could be a walking Somebody Else's Problem field, or walk in All Eyes On Us.

Which is super extra sneaky, because how would anyone suspect someone that obvious could be that inconspicuous?

So I had sneakily learnt what the signal would be for 'everyone run' for the conspirators, and then made sure everyone noticed it when I made it in the middle of a banquet.
The Queen could just arrest everyone when they got out into the halls.
The prince trying to usurp her throne had his fangs quite thoroughly pulled.

But it was suggested to the Queen of England that this maybe might be a bit partisan for an Ambassador, who after all would have to deal with any regime going.
And humans can have allegiance problems when going among Fae, who have so many powers of glamour and beguilement.
So I was asked point blank where my loyalties lay, and had to think about my answer.

This did not go over well with the security people.

But it was because my answer was more about philosophy and alignment than politics.

Humans live in a set of overlapping and complexly interlocking systems, the wreckage of any one of which can skew all the rest. And the way we deal with that of late is to have nation states each arguing their corner, instructed by complex arguments in parliaments within those states, and so on and so forth down the scales to individual choice. But a truly global view of how those systems work makes it ever more urgent they keep working, since any one loop 'winning' would go the worse for it not very far down the line. And that much is obvious even when it's just humans.

The Fae courts have been trying to play a symphony of complexly interlocked non human sentience, and they've been doing it as individual players for as much as a millennium. As a whole system they've been going at least as long as human civilisation, and quite possibly longer than humans as a whole. The argument about whether they arose from us or we from them is misguided when you consider some of them appear to be sentient lava or thinking air. And the most impressive part is how lava and air and plant and meat based forms have been, with significant exceptions, basically getting along, at least well enough the planet is still standing. And they've done it without causing mass extinctions, even when we started to.

Once these things are known, the question of loyalty is a bit of a stumper, since it boggles the mind to just... choose one part, and hope the rest just get on with it.

So I woke up trying to explain that to a court uninterested in most of the necessary referents.

I wanted to ask them how they could find so many forms of sentient life and still have loyalty to any concept smaller than Starfleet and Federation, but for assorted reasons that was unlikely to translate.

Still, that's the basic problem that interests me about all these setups. When you meet other sapients who think different than you but just as well, when they have diverse and even clashing needs, what do you do?

As a disabled queer woman this is not an academic exercise and I'm quite interested in the responses to the defamiliarised versions.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I dreamed I was on the Waverider and in the interests of saving as many lives as we could we filled our cargo hold with temporal natives and instituted a quarantine.
So far so good. I yelled at them, give it two weeks or more data about the incubation time of the plague that just got released, then we'll have you back to your lives.

But unlike a bomb, a plague release does absolutely nothing visibly
so they just got bolshy.
I checked the doors were all sealed. I checked repeatedly.
And then I found they'd bloody knocked a hole through the wall and were nipping out to feed their cows.
And great, they have a commitment to animals in their care, and an understanding of why the horsemen ride together, because not tending the food supply has consequences.
But, on the other hand,
bloody arsehole farmers had killed us all.


The weight of resentment and despair I woke up with I wouldn't wish on anyone.

And anger. Mustn't forget that.

People who break quarantine though: fuck those guys.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I had what started as a basic book hoarding dream (books I brought to give away secretly the best books after all, searching endlessly through piles of books for best books to keep but people keep taking them away, oh no books stored inappropriately under the sink must unpack them all and stack them somewhere else but it's all clown car down there)
Read more... )
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
got some more sleep
had a real doozy of a nightmare
but it was all superheroics and hellfire, lots of running around, trying to call whitelighters in on our side, rally all the people with the small powers so they realise they aren't small together, that sort of thing.
those sort I can shake off.
still, not fun.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
today kind of didn't happen
like, I woke up and was Brave and went to get my blood taken all on my own and didn't faint
so that was sufficient task for one day
but then I went back to bed
so then it was now.

I can now check tumblr from my tablet computer in bed though, so I didn't sleep, like, 100% of the time. or any useful percent really. just kept dozing off enough to tangle myself in pretzel shapes or curl up in a really small ball and then wake myself up with the discomfort.

did dream of being driven in a getaway car by (DC Legends) Mick & Len. Who had carjacked Mark Hamill on accident. And then we were dodging sheep. Bantha sized sheep. and then when we finally parked Len propositioned me but involving that one really specific kink I'd never thought about before so, mostly blinky in response. So that was... *blinks*

things I could usefully have done today involved getting together quiz questions for the pub tonight.
not that I'm enthusiastic about either the pub or the sci fi quiz.
but I'm going, because I only get so many opportunities to talk to humans at all.

so. shall go eat and get ready to go.
beccaelizabeth: animated icon, Giles pictures and Giles&Ethan, quotes 'Cup of tea, cup of tea, almost got shagged, cup of tea' (Cup of Tea)
Rupert Giles had been cursed so he had a month to live, and it took him a week to figure out the details, and he was probably going to be comatose for the last couple of weeks. So we had one week to break the curse.

In order to break the curse, we had to find 7 people willing to risk their souls for him, by giving him experiences based on the 7 deadly sins.

Sex, basically. 7 days of sex. Sometimes with cake.
(Cake was with Oz, because biting, and a sincere offer to make him wolfy too because obviously then he only dies of silver. So it was biting but not too much biting, trying to get the cake and icing and so forth without breaking skin even a little, while he was, well, mobile, and not entirely averse in the moment to the skin breaking concept.)
Or we needed to call/summon Ethan for Wrath, because lets face it, Ripper totally has Wrath sex there.

See the part I resent is it turned into a running around trying to find people dream, because come on subconscious, as porn setups go that one is awesome.

Dream got stuck because obviously Ethan, Oz, Buffy, Willow, Xander, and, er, Mary Sue, but then we need him to know a whole other person. And past that point the choices are not obvious. I mean, they might end up being mundanes who wouldn't know the risks, or who don't think curse breaking is a good enough reason to have Envy sex in front of former students.
If Jenny is alive they're not former students and my asleep brain noped right out.
If Ethan needs summoning rather than breaking out of prison then Anya is not available either.
Probably Olivia then. So finding and persuading her gets a lot more complicated.

Most of today's dreams though were just running around trying to find. People, places, clothes, suitcases, a part of Australia that isn't trying to kill you, a door that only exists once an hour yet a whole year has passed on the other side, or conversely obviously a door that exists once a year yet has only had an hour, all sorts.

I blame the power tools outside. I don't know what they're doing but my quality of sleep would appreciate them doing it a lot less.

overslept

Aug. 29th, 2016 02:19 pm
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
my alarm went off four hours ago, and that was the hey lazy alarm
if I start going round and round the clock again now I'm leaving the house more (or at all) that will be very frustrating.

I dreamt a long complicated set of things that are mostly not useful.
Something about being a magic student in a complex heirarchy with a masquerade going, so everyone had big robes and masks stored behind a secret door in ... I think a department store, because obviously everyone could go to one of those every week without being suspicious. There were lifts that only went to alternate floors, like in the mall car parks. and there was lots of running around stealing other people's masks and robes because I couldn't be bothered to wait.
not very interesting.

also there was something with an army fighting a war but running out of food because they drafted too many workers. and they sent people who pointed that out to go work the... time mines? some kind of altered speed area which they were relying on for their supplies, except they were running out and had been invaded from the other side and because it was super speedy in there by the time someone had run all the way up the time gradient back to the bosses the whole plain below could have filled with enemies. years in a day lets them do that.

prettiest was the one where Steve Rogers crashed in the ice but got rescued by... it was kind of like the fortress of solitude, and a bit goa'uld, and quite a lot asgardian. Alien tech mostly made of gold and swoopy bits and crystals. Pretty.
But it needed a brain to help run its AI, and lacking the one intended, it scooped up Steve.
So instead of 70 years suspended he got 70 years dreaming, living metaphorical versions of the problems the AI was working through.
When I and my party discovered him I immediately leant forward under the arches to take his pulse and so forth, but that turned out to put my head in the mind control frame, so that was not in fact a good idea. A fun idea, yes, but not good. The AI now had a male and female set and a way of making more brains for its very own. So Steve and I were entwined under the gold rings, while I minds were off dreaming. But in the dreamscape he looked his age. I hardly recognised him to start with, because he looked his age as skinny!Steve, as if the serum had been part of the dream. His self image hadn't really caught up before he crashed, and then when everything was shifting dreamscapes he came to the pretty reasonable conclusion that those years at the start were probably a dream too. Waking him up was going to be a complex thing, since his real life was substantially less plausible.
So I wouldn't wish that one on Steve, but it does open up every single possibility for where he's been, and how people who get accidentally networked in would see themselves.

So now it is 1429 and I'm actually awake. All day I have been being woken up by the whistles and other assorted steam train noises. Which is fine, they're quite reasonable about hours, it's just if I want a lie in that that goes a bit annoying. But I could go places on a steam train this weekend if I wanted to.
... think I'll just stay here and wake up a bit more and watch more Arrow.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Today's dream started with house hunting. Which was mostly frustration and ugh. But then the estate agent showed us this place that at first I thought was the worst, because okay, two bedroom flat on the unthank, sounds fine, but it's over what looked like a butchers shop. And smelled, from the car park out front, like a butchers shop. With the windows all papered over from the inside, so possibly not a shop right at that minute, but that would just mean you wouldn't know who your neighbours were. Plus, have you ever tried getting somewhere to stop smelling like a butchers shop? So I was like *raised eyebrow* at the estate agent, and they explained that the price? The in my price range price? Was for the flat and the shop, with tenant. At which point the place became both more interesting and much more likely to be woeful.

... I have seen a lot of houses. In my price range on the unthank? Has problems.

So we went inside... and the smell magically cut off when the door closed. It was... nice. Dark, but nice. And out the side there was an archway to a conservatory, which had the side windows papered but the roof merely dirty, so it was getting a bunch of sun. There was a table in there, suitable for half a dozen people to sit around playing RPGs. And in the dark shop part there was an old counter, with scars like for butchers knives, but behind it there were a few taps, like a pub. But it didn't smell like a pub either. It just smelled, like, nice and clean and with wooden furniture. That seldom happens. (Very. Seldom.)

I looked through the archway beside the counter, and behind it was a little corridor with doors at both ends to the outside, and across the corridor were a couple of little rooms, so back there was a kitchen and some storage. And the doors led to stairs, so getting to my place would mean going through the same door as the downstairs people, but it was just nice and white and cool back there, tiled floor but nothing nasty looking about it. I kept wondering what the catch was.

And then when I wandered back into the not-bar I saw Oz. Werewolf Oz. Who, in my dreams, was my ex from High School. And also didn't appreciate being called Oz, it was Michael now. And me recognising him made the pattern of who was tense and relaxed change across the half dozen people there, including the guy behind the counter, who I realised was wearing a really interesting hat which seemed maybe to have bumps underneath?

And long story short, I was being shown around a Fae bar, on the Unthank, in Norwich.

Which explained the price they were asking, I mean, they'd probably paid off the mortgage a hundred years ago, and keeping up with the latest market prices wouldn't seem that urgent.

So obviously I was going to try and buy the place, even without seeing the flat, and with the stairs, because wow was this the most interesting place I was likely to find.

... awake me would prioritise insisting on a good survey first. And checking it got deep cleaned. It's no bother to me what Fae were eating in there, I just don't want it squelching or stinking up the place after.

So after that there was a whole chased by bears sequence that honestly I could have lived without, but then there was the part where Fae were asked to vote on me becoming Fae, and only 36% voted to agree I could, so I figured that was All Done, but then only 36% voted for me to stay human, and the others either didn't care or wanted to see what would happen. So that added up to a vote to make me half? Fae? Which I hadn't thought was an option. But I'd be short lived but awesome, or long lived but pretty much human. And different people were, like, trying to influence things one way or the other, with offering me weird eats, or just with the kisses offering themselves. And I was not at all keen on the one guy, tall blonde and uptight, who wanted me upgraded so I'd be suitable for him. Because no? Not how it works? How about he tries to get me to like him first? He does not get to design me to order just because he's uncomfortable fancying someone my species. But I was pretty keen on Oz, whatever he was calling himself now, and he was way more relaxed about the whole thing. Like, he's a shapeshifter, even if I became a shifter I might be any kind of shifter, it's all cool by him. But it wasn't up to either of them, it was up to the designer.

Yes, Fae had a designer.

I'd spent a whole bunch of the dream complaining about the design flaws of various Fae, and how I'd like to give Ruper of Wales a piece of my mind, and then he was going to turn up and I'd get a chance to, but only if I wanted him to be really annoyed while he was designing me.

But then of course he turned out to be Giles, whose Fyarl form was pretty much his natural form, but he could usually switch more smoothly and not be locked in such a bad mood. His Int and Strength stats pretty much swapped when he shifted, so he usually found his squishier human self more versatile.

But he was like a genetic engineer, only for Fae, so they were using magic and had only recently become acquainted with the underlying principles at the base pair level, and had in fact found Fae genetics not explicable by existing human science, so they were quite excited. And he was going to be using his new upgraded understanding to design me.

So that... that's a setup with possibilities.

Like, I always dislike the vaguely aristo logic of the born-different settings, but if they're actually just really advanced genegineers, well, then it gets fun.

Plus the different courts would, like, court you, and try and persuade you to upgrade into the specific styles they'd find useful. And there'd be people thinking up new ways to combine old packages. And of course you could be the violet eyed shapeshifter faerie queen of your dreams, if you fancied... and live with the consequences.

So now I totally want to play with this one.



... also, I totally want that self funding flat on the unthank. That would be awesome. Especially with the no alcohol pub downstairs.

*sigh*
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
This morning started kind of poorly, with a nightmare where Superman got shot Read more... )

So once I woke up I had to write that in my head until things were much better than that. Like, clearly Kryptonians have healing nanotech, Clark would be fine, obviously, he's always fine. But that was really upsetting.

So then my day started late, which wasn't cool.

but I'm up, I'm clean, I'm dressed, I started Cleaner Day appropriately, and I remembered to clean out the fridge and put all the new cutlery in the dishwasher before I started it. So that's working.

It's weirdly annoying having nightmare feelings hangover. Like, I know full well it's all imaginary stuff that isn't even wrong, but feelings just had a really bad thing happen in front of them and are kind of ... like bad smell, trying to stick around.




Last night I went looking for Supergirl fanfic, but found despite an actual strong presence of f/f that none of it is my happy place. I haven't figured what my happy place would be.

Read more... )



Mostly I'm just having a feelings and some of them are not nice
but I liked Supergirl so there's nice feelings around as well
so that's nice.



Cleaner is here, I can stop rambling and go do something useful.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
You know when a story seems good enough to be worth waking up a couple hours early and actually typing?
And then I sit down at the computer...



So the dream was really interesting, because it was set after VR and fast enough servers means most people interact by Avatars. You can set your house Av to be famous actors, if you can afford the image rights. But the era of famous actors was way back in my youth, because after a while the studios realised how to generate novel appearances and emotes from the bank they already had, and AI personalities rule the vids now. But you know what happens to old actors? Conventions. (And Big Finish Audio.) So those of us that still care, really really care. Even in an era of telepresence, we want to go stand in a queue to smile nervously and blurt half our carefully prepared statements. And some of us will even pay extra for a meet and greet where we stare at famous people from much closer to. Yes, even famous people from twenty years ago. Twenty years is nothing, I've stood in line for actors from before I was born, and it was awesome.

So I was pottering around the house with my house AI on, the Av set to the Commander, being gently encouraging and asking the important 'have you taken your meds yet' question at the prescribed intervals. So when the Commander asks me if I'm ready for the con this weekend I just chat back and say I'm so not ready, I'm not even sure what the theme is. And he gets this wounded voice on and says 'I'm standing right here.' So I spin round and he is, twenty years older than last we saw him, all silver and smokier voiced. And my eyes go O.O and I stutter, like, the parties! I can't remember, what should I pack for the parties? And he grins at me and says he doesn't know but he's sure we'll have a great time. And winks, and fades away.

Read more... )



So that was a pretty great dream. (And, okay, less eloquent at the time, and there was a whole sequence of climbing ladders like Donkey Kong to get into the hotel that I didn't feel added to the mood). But then it seemed like, well, he would know all that. I mean, you'd hope the actors know. But sometimes it's easiest to write ourselves out of our own story, like to see how everyone else does it so smoothly, and we're just paddling here. So I don't know.

But I do know that even after the CGI gets so good it can replace the actors, that won't be the important part. It'll still be about people. Dreaming together.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I mean my dreams turn into the kind of adventures one could call nightmares pretty much always, but having been used to this for a really long time, I have devised a number of strategies that work even while asleep.

Today: stepping back into a different point of view and noping right out of there.

Read more... )

So that was kind of cool, but what is even with my subconscious, adding non-con to an origin story? Or doing deals with gods? No thank you, ladies can manage without that stuff.

I have been reading and watching entirely the wrong things lately and even my dreams stop to crit that garbage. I mean I stop reading or watching once it gets clear it's made of bad bit, but still. Too much.



I also dreamed I could turn into pokemon. Is there a really big tortoise one? Not the little blue one, a really big brown and gold tortoise that makes the world shake BOOM BOOM with every step. Well, more tortoiseshell really, lovely burnished brown patterns on top and something too metallic to call aged ivory underneath. And I could transform whenever I wanted, so I could run places when I was human shaped, because I was a whole lot faster running or bicycling as a human than I was as giant tortoise pokemon, and then when I got to a road I could be giant armoured dude so even if there's cars it's not a problem cause I'm bigger and tougher than they are anyway.

Well, not than an artic or something, but in general, bigger than quite a lot of small cars.

I think as dreams go that's a winner.



Also there was a dream where humans were testing an FTL drive and the AI in charge of the tests was told to clear the area of humans before it fired and it did. But that left half a dozen of us who it knew perfectly well were not human. All of us interested because the drive didn't use any of the known tricks. But it was heating up ready to fire, and we were going to be so very screwed if we weren't sheltered by then, so the AI sprayed us with layers of protective foam and lead coated them for shielding and was busy building in life support but we had to tell our species for it to have a hope of getting that part right. So we all got these species specific cocoons, foaming us in, leaving us breathing through tiny tubes, waiting and hoping the shielding would be enough and the AI would feel like ever letting us out again.

So that part was less fun.

But, like, half the other aliens were pokemons? So the AI had to figure out how to shelter the Charmander without putting its tail out? I don't know how a Charmander goes around pretending to be human chaped, probably some kind of technological holographic capability.



My dreams are the weirdest place.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I woke up at 0730, calculated that meant I'd had five hours sleep, went back to sleep
and now it is 1230 and I feel like I got squashed somehow.

It wasn't even very interesting dreams.

Read more... )



Anyway, all of that, the dreams between 0730 and 1230, they weren't any of them the sort I'd bother to call a nightmare. Even the chasing and kidnaps and the armed robbery and so forth. That was just dreams. If I don't wake up scared then it don't count. I only woke up curled up in a ball wondering where the blanket went.



... on reflection it's not actually surprising when I wake up tired.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Read more... )



So today (after I gave up and went back to have a nap and reboot) I dreamt I was Sara's offspring and she gave me her waistcoat, the one that had been all around the Labyrinth, and I wore it and wore it until one day it wouldn't button up any more because too much boobs.
A meltdown Sara was not quite equipped to deal with, cause she kept offering to go out and get me dresses that fit.
So Sara's husband, as played by Brad Pitt because why not, waved her off and was all, don't worry, I got this. And she didn't see what he did, but dream me came back in all buttoned down and happy again, so that worked out.

But later when things got fighty there was a very tense moment of knives in the chest, but then it was Frodo with the mithril shirt, no worries because chainmail underneath.

Because the guy who had been through his own Labyrinth and come back? He'd realised that under some decent chainmail, everyone fits their coats. A little weighing down, a whole lot of protection, and acceptance that some people are the prince and the princess, and nobody has power to tell them elsewise.



I liked that dream.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I've had a series of dreams lately about Lindsey McDonald and Eliot Spencer.
Because my subconscious is well trained.

But they turn into weird little meditations on the nature of identity and attraction, which isn't exactly where I was hoping they'd go.

Read more... )

And now I kind of want to write this story, where Lindsey gets called back in Eliot's body to rescue his secret probably teenage by now offspring from the clutches of Wolfram and Hart. That could go through so many excellent twists.

But my dreams were less excellent and mostly kind of puzzled and thwarted?
Because the last one was like, okay, so, L or El is in love with you, excellent, and now you're sharing your interests and what you do to relax... aaaaand they're just, like, not? it? Like, they're very nearly the things I like, but just sideways of them. If they were completely not my thing it would be simples, parallel, he'd do his hobbies and watch his films and I'd read my books and wait for my turn with the TV. And if we liked exactly the same things then big win. But instead it was like the uncanny valley of shared interests. Things that I know well enough to know why I don't quite like them, or things I liked when I was younger that I grew away from and now make me feel kind of squirmy embarrassed, or things where I haven't watched them yet but I just don't get why he is.

So then that was a whole heaping dose of 'do I really like this person or just the outsides with what I was making up and projecting on them'. And, duh, they're characters I write from very cherrypicked canon, I am clearly making up the guy I like. But if the canon guy was exactly the same and he just like, say, Sailor Moon, would he still be the guy I thought I liked?

So that was weirdly uncomfortable and full of self examination.

And probably the short explanation of why I've never got around to dating. Like, nobody agrees with me perfectly enough. But I don't want to be that person, that person sounds ridiculous.



So.

Lots of dreams of my current favourite pretty, and yet, the upshot is feeling philosophical and kind of foolish.

*sigh*
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I dreamt I was first rescued by and then leading a small party including a blonde teenage Mordred and a slightly pre New Hope scowling Princess Leia, with two tiny probably pre school children in tow, a boy and girl, who I was not introduced to.

We had to escape a veeeeery long way from where we started, all the way to my awake times home town. We met a local and I had to be all "We bring greetings from a more central reality. Camelot has fallen."

And then everyone was all Oh Noes. And something huge was going to happen as consequences reverberated out. But mostly the five of us brought more magic with us in our most casual gesture than the world we'd landed in had in its grandest modern works. So that was going to be something. But it meant trying to launch anything from there back to Camelot was going to be of limited use. Probably take a thousand worlds to get any significant force to bear on that more central one.



So then I woke up with a massive headache and a feeling of Portentous Things Happening, plus a sort of lingering... I was the grown up? Me? Oh great, I'm old enough to be their mother, I was totally the grown up. *facepalm*

Also asleep me has her shit more together than I do even when arriving in an alternate universe with no clothes. Just found a hospital and started nicking stuff like The Doctor. Some of it was proper classy too.

Now I feel like I should be dressing up proper and grabbing my magic staff and going off to gather armies.
Except after paracetamol.
And probably something to eat.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I dreamt I was colonising a new planet with a bunch of people, including Dyson and Lauren from Lost Girl, Lindsey from Angel, and Trip and Reed from Enterprise, who would all be excellent at the meeting new species part from different angles.

I dreamt I got my face chewed on by one of the local animal spirits, and the spirit of the planet appeared to me in humanoid form to express their opinion of all our sudden building spree.

When I told people about it there were quite a lot of them who were cool with the idea of the planet up and talking to people, but they kept on saying 'she' and I kept on correcting them, until I was all grumpy and like 'maybe the spirit of the planet appeared to me because I'm a they pronoun person too, or maybe it's because I'm the only one around here who is getting the pronouns right!'

... woke up sulky. and checking my face didn't have bite marks.

Then I dreamt about zombie slaves and got all worked up about zombie rights and how unethical it was to deliberately make the low IQ version just because it takes less power.

There was a whole thing where people could visit their late relatives but the learning disabled visitors understood first what had been done to these people and got all political protests about it. Only nobody is much inclined to listen to low IQ types so it was really frustrating.



... I seem to be full of politics and grrr, it's just coming out in a whole urban fantasy idiom.



Lost Girl is irritating me lately because they start out with lots of stories illustrating the difficult balance between different Fae and human needs, and now they're just like, who is the daddy? Tune in next week for more angst! But I still want to go fix political problems. They've kind of knocked down the big bad so often they've destroyed the local government and that's clearly a bigger problem than parents. But okay, parent story again.



It's cleaner day, I did my half of the jobs except the vacuum cleaning, and I'm wearing technically pyjamas with gold glitter stars all over. Because shiny.
So that should make a better mood soon.

But right now I'm kind of grr grumble but about things that are either ridiculous fiction or, under the metaphor layer, entirely beyond my control.

... *grr sigh* is kind of a difficult thing to express. Like, extra tired, yet still grrr.



Cleaner is here so I'll go do something else.

Mating

Jun. 28th, 2016 09:57 am
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I dreamt this messed up eugenicist AU where people with powers were like herded into this building together to compete and pair off according to power level, and some of us were trying to hide our powers so there were challenges to draw them out, and a ceiling voice that was like really invested in pairings. It combines the typical preoccupations of fanboy and fangirl in that you find out who could beat who in a fight and after ranking them they're supposed to shag.

So I was fighting Daredevil and we ended up assigned to each other, but he was just, like, really apologetic and trying to cover up something, and it turned out he was creeped out by the whole deal and really just wanted to go home and cuddle with Foggy.

Who is like the least super guy. But looks quite cuddly. So.



I don't even watch Daredevil, I just keep seeing shipper posts on tumblr, and now my brain is all decided on the matter.



When powers are genetic then it makes one kind of sense for there to be social pressures about who you reproduce with, and indeed reproducing at all. Power the next generation being totally dependent on that set of choices, society might want to 'guide' them. But I really don't see Matt, a blind guy, buying into that at all at all. It would have to be either an ideology that had had a grip for a really long time or something with a heavy coercive side and maximum consequences. I don't know though, kind of by definition supers are the people who will start shit and screw the consequences.



I liked the part where I had ESP powers to match his super senses. The part where they were going to breed us to end up with super sensitive ESP was less good. But then I turned out to have lightning powers so they matched me with Johnny Storm instead so there'd be Body of Lightning in the next generation.



Possibly I need to spend less time thinking about heritability of magic right before bed.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I woke up after like four hours of sleep today so after the cleaner had gone I went back asleep
and had the most glorious dream

Howard Stark and I had found the Stargate, and I don't know which way the time travel went but we were with Jack O'Neill, running away from something. Howard was confident and chattering a mile a minute while his hands worked, not really paying attention to the rest of us. I was wearing mostly a fluffy blanket, of inconvenient size, and getting increasingly disgruntled. Jack kept on looking.

We stopped for a while in the sunshine and I left the others to it and stretched out on the grass.

Jack sat beside me, put his hand on my neck where the blanket had slipped down to reveal skin, and started to
get all the knots out of my back.

Best dream all month by far.



Meanwhile in the real world I woke up with my shoulder still hurting from where I apparently did something in my sleep.

:eyeroll:



I mightily look forward to actually using my new mattress.
I mean I don't know if that will fix things but I'll at least have tried.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Dreamed I was with Team Torchwood, minus Gwen, and they all thought I was great and part of the team etc
Clearly something was up
but I'm not Adam cause I'm not creepy
and also everyone seemed to be having a nice time and be happy and stuff
... so, yeah, something was up.

Turns out that in a 'verse with psychic monsters that feed on pain and fear and nightmares, somewhere that has a something that can be pulled out of people to feed on either eternally or for a really long time, there's a niche in the ecosystem for ones that feed on happiness.

Read more... )

Torchwood heaven.

A farm for making everyone Jack cares about as happy as possible for as long as possible, so a psychic parasite can eat it.

That seems to work.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Woke up at about 7, read a bit, phone ran out, plugged it in to recharge and grabbed a paper book, woke up again around 2pm. Oops.

But I did dream a sprawling Dr Strange thing, which kept on involving me half awake deciding it was still better than anything we'll get from the Marvel movie. Read more... )

That had lots of good bits though, that had extra dimensional beings cosplaying purple mafia, and someone trying to magic back the good old days, and wings as a sign of magic overdose.

Also it was just plain fun to dream, unlike a bazillion things lately.



Now I have to get around to my somewhat belated waking up.

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