beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I had a few days full of dreams full of moments of awesome
which, cool
but today a dream that started out with having to prove a Watcher who returned after sunset was no longer alive progressed by mostly illogical stages to having to protect the president of the world while he made a speech, and failing.
Like I gave the right orders, the Flash stopped the sniper's bullet, it was all going grand
and then it turned out his bodyguard had a switchblade and ill intent

So I woke up feeling like a failure
and this has morphed into one of those swamp drag down moods
where the reason I don't date is I could never be a good partner for anyone ever
due to my worthless epic fail.

I have just woken up and nothing actually real has happened today
and yet

Days like this make my college degree worth the paper it is written on
despite the general not doing anything since I got it
because look, I achieved the best grade at a tangible thing

go me

as long as all a partner would want from me is lit crit and expertise in cult studs.



I liked much better the dreams with winning.
the ones where we have to evacuate a bunch of wheelchair users down steps while under sniper fire are somewhat stressful.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Ugh, communication tasks day is the worst. I need assistance because phone but the people that usually help are not available. So then I just spin my wheels all day nearly but not quite getting anything done.

Today's dream was way better though. Me, Phil Coulson, and Leonard Snart. Who seem like they'd never get along but really Coulson would be perfectly pleasant while using him shamelessly, and Snart would wait for the double cross Coulson knows to expect, and it'd end up kind of like paying him to help but messier.

But. Dream. In a magic using fantasy world, where Snart was still a thief, but Coulson was some kind of cleric of Justice.

Read more... )

So I woke up feeling smugly badass, I can tell you, stealing a kingdom, putting my guy on the throne to protect the baby heir, and in so doing starting the dismantling of monarchy as a corrupt system.


And then back in real life I'm stuck on the day's tasks because if I pick up the phone I'll just stutter and fail at making sense in English.

So, you know, the dream was a teensy bit better.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
It started out with trying to swap a wrong color bridesmaid dress while out with the hen night, and ended up with saving mortal!Odin from a Xenomorph invasion.

... okay, it started out with accidentally magic soulmate marrying Draco Malfoy and ended up with the registry office marriage to make it official, but that is somewhat more embarrassing.

Rolling up to my own wedding wearing the blood of my enemies and formal armour provided by Asgardians is pretty much life goals, though.

Read more... )

... I must say, I wouldn't have thought of 'nude' toned dresses for bridesmaids, especially a veritable human rainbow of them, but now I'm awake I'm quite amused at the blending of traditions they represent. Like, aspiring middle class meets skyclad.

Beats heck out of pink.

But then at this total stranger's wedding reception party, held outside with some little tents, we see a bunch of strangely recognisable people. Like, Thor seems to be making puzzled faces at the punch. And Odin collected up a really piled up buffet plate, before wandering around the corner again.

After trying to get Thor's attention a few times (he's distracted because this time being mortal comes with ageing, and sagging wasn't something he'd ever thought about), we finally all set off around the corner after Odin

and straight into an ambush.

Thankfully I have a rounders bat on me
as you do
and a nice wooden sword with the end stake pointed.

... I'm not sure what theme of hen night makes these the obvious accoutrements, but now I want it...

Read more... )

It was hilarious and glorious.

And if anything could ever get Draco Malfoy's family to accept marrying a muggle, I imagine it's rolling up to the wedding with actual Asgardian gods in your entourage.

I mean, that's a conversation stopper.

Pity as a plot it would take so much filling the holes to make it either hilarious or glorious to the reader, let alone grandly romantic. I'd have to put in a lot of awake work.

But that was very fun dreaming.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
so I thought I was well, so I ate a food
and now my insides are making these spectacular creaky noises
like it's an abandoned pirate ship while the seas get higher and it maybe might fall apart.

that's a thing.

I woke up before six, decided that was way too early, couldn't sleep, read a bit, went back to sleep, woke up after two in the afternoon.

and I had the kind of dreams that are pretty much nightmares but in vague ways that fell apart when you poke them

like I was a Torchwood agent in the last one, and my mum was worried about it, and someone she knew from parents groups at a fancy school reckoned they knew someone who knew someone and gave her the address of the Torchwood retirement home.

which was then red alert creepy because Torchwood agents don't retire.

not and know they were Torchwood agents.

so she'd visited and came back all cheerful and the nightmare part was wondering what exact variety of Torchwood things had gone, and if cheerful mother was in fact my mother any more.

also a whole sequence with glass patio doors where I've been having basically that nightmare since I was shorter than chair seats, so that one was kind of worn out, but still, I hate heavy sliding doors that could slice carrots and then aren't any decent protection anyway.

oh, and fridge doors that are airtight but see through. like you can see someone stuck in there and it's clearly a problem and the seeing doesn't fix anything. hate that.

there were tons of scattered images though
and nothing compensatory by way of plot bunnies.

being a human is weird.
beccaelizabeth: Captain Cold and Heatwave icons combined (Coldwave)
had a dream that was sort of an elaborate horror thing, but I picked out the good bits to make it happy instead.
Read more... )

Len's got a lot of friends, whether he likes it or not.

So we basically group hug him back to life
and when we get him back to regular reality try calling him Velveteen.

He's still got some issues. Like, if he's just the aspects of him we all loved and wanted, is he really him at all? Is the copy a good enough imitation?
I figure it's like an upload. Electric sheep.
Even if he's not the original, he's a person, so, good enough.

And he's still Cold, as in leeching heat out of people with a touch. But him and how many metas, right? Nobody much minds, they just work around.

The thing where he might not have a soul is more of a worry, but Sara's had that one fixed for her before, and knows where to go.

I like this version much better.

So, technically nightmares, but I woke up having worked out how to use them to get everyone ever back, just with maybe getting a little ate along the way. So that was fine.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
It was sort of a timelapse history of humanity's first leap to the stars, all told in conversations between one of the project engineers and a simulation of his best friend. There was no warp speed, but stargates worked, so we had to be the gate builders with no shortcuts. Ben stayed behind to protect the project base on the Earth gate end, Cruz took ship and was going to sleep all the way to their nearest neighbour. But everyone that shipped out left behind an experimental imprint, an upload, that could run in then equally experimental VR. That way they could lend their expertise even while they were gone. So Ben started talking to that Cruz, and all we see of their world is these two, an aging engineer who starts out a dreamer but comes to think he missed his chance, and his eternally optimistic best friend, captured at the single moment he gave everything to give humanity hope.

So there was worldbuilding and politics, there were gates built on every continent before the ship left to carry their other halves to the new world, and initially investment was high, but it was going to take almost a generation to get there, and the gates came to represent what their olders had thrown away instead of investing in them. Inert lumps, the masses weren't believers, had no reason to be. And then one day things Ben comes in looking awful, low and like he hasn't slept in an age, and he has to explain to Cruz, they bombed the gates. Some set of radicals bombed the gates. And some of them didn't get through, and some only did superficial damage, but one continent? They used radiologicals. And that gate is now going to bake anyone who tries to use it. They bombed the gate and humanity is 1/8 closer to stuck here, and there's no fixing it, and he's just... so tired. Of guarding these things, and waiting on a future that's... it's going to be so alien to everyone who tried to build it.

So Cruz says show me, and Ben updates the VR. So now it's running like google maps, streetview plus, simulated three dimensional environments, all sorts of good stuff. But there's nobody else in their sim, it wasn't designed that way. So there's just these increasingly alien aesthetics in the new buildings. And Cruz likes wandering around as much as the next guy, but, he also knows he's in a sim. With really good physics. And a suit they used this to teach him to use that's meant to compensate for muscle wasteage but at full strength? Pretty much makes makes him a superhero.


So Ben, not to be outdone, brings his latest designs in to test out, and he's built himself dragon wings. So they're charging around this empty world, Cruz bouncing off buildings, Ben flying down streets that really never meant for this, and it's all golden awesome.

And like, it doesn't change the world outside, but that's not what talking to your friends is for. Whatever the world does, Ben has this. And he has hope again.

And then gate day arrives... and passes.

And then the extension.

And then all their margin.

And now? Now Ben is really low. Because his darling optimist best friend can't see it, can't change that much, the program would call errors on it. As far as he's concerned there's a dozen, a hundred, reasons for delays. They could still be on course. Have a little faith.

But Ben pretty much thinks he's lost his best friend. So he starts treating sim Cruz different. He's not just waiting, keeping on like they ever did. He's moving on.

So he kisses him, and Cruz kisses back, and it's golden.

But it's years. Years after gate day. Cruz the same young man he ever was, Ben getting distant and focused on the world outside. Thinks this is some kind of escape, all the things he never had. Doesn't believe there's future in it.

Then comes the day that light speed will show them what happened to the ship. And Cruz and Ben watch the feeds together. And it's textbook, it's perfect, the ship is exactly where it's meant to be, but only the automated stuff ever happened.

So the simplest explanation is Cruz just never woke up.

And Ben could hear that and go one of two ways. He could give up - on his golden time with his best mate - or...

But that's where the messages end. That's the last time the sim was woken up. There is no more.

On that end.

Years later than expected, out around a cosmically close star, Cruz wakes up, now the adverse condition is finally cleared out of the ship. And he gets his messages. And despite the sim's fears, he is incredibly happy with all the sim's choices. He'll take them on. He'll call them a memory. And he's walking around grinning, and his crewmates are like, why? Didn't Ben just dump you?

And Cruz is just, no. No way. You don't see it?

Ben is on his way.

He'll be here with the backup crew.

We just have to make it good for when he gets here.

So when the working day is done, now Cruz curls up with sim Ben, keeping him updated on the work they're starting, the planetary surveys and placing the gates, in total confidence he's on his way there.

Because Cruz is ever the optimist, and Ben is the engineer.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I kind of want to have a church.
... not the online sort that 'worships' an actor, though that was fun
an actual big building where people can gather and do stuff.

It would need to be big enough to do dancing lessons, so I could invite my dancing classes and maybe some other sorts of dance too.

And it should have a kitchen, so we can have nice foods together. Something vegan and gluten free, to maximise the number of people who could eat it.

I realise dancing and food are not the core activities of churches, but it vaguely bothers me that churches aren't scheduled as heavily as schools, and seem to have long times of nothing to do. I mean, sure, most people don't want to talk to god all day every day, but there's still plenty of community functions they could do. Community centers are always busy, just in a different shape building.

I still have saved on rightmove that one church that was for sale as a church. I don't want to convert them. I want to be a social hub, with a bit of theology, from multiple religions.

There could be different religions on different days, and a day for fandom, and possibly a long term reading group for the works of Terry Pratchett, since by the time you've close read all of those you're probably years from starting at the beginning. And whatever texts we focused on they would be the jumping off point for discussions on how to live ethically and be excellent to each other.

And there could be political activism too, because once you've figured out something about ethics you can put it into action. Not on a 'everyone should obey my religion' way though, more making sure all the many varied disagreeing people have room and legal protections. And then maybe helping refugees and like some churches do a food bank but also you'd want to tell off the government for not doing enough food anyway.

After school places for children to be while work finishes would probably get used a lot but would need many adult humans capable of supervising. But snacks and tables to do homework. And wi fi I guess.

There's a nightclub for sale right now. I imagine turning it into also a dayclub for different sets of people. There could be non alcoholic beverages and nice eats.

Economically it would fail, but, one can dream.

I am aware there are many places already doing most of this. And that they have fewer people and far fewer volunteers than they'd like.

But I am nad at going places, doing things, and joining in with stuff.
So I just daydream a space that is all mine already so all the stuff is stuff I want and I can just stay there and meet the world as they turn up to agree with me.

:eyeroll at self:

I'm kind of puzzled how there are more people in the world than there used to be but I can't find where they gather. Science fiction group is small, and often science fiction duo. Pubs keep closing because they're not the social cornerstones they used to be. Church attendance dwindles, and it's not only because of the god stuff. There's never as many volunteers for the charity shops as they would like, and they keep closing, though they do also keep opening different charities in slightly different locations, so that isn't simple.

Some of it is economics, but some of it is people not turning up to do collective stuff so much, and I don't know why. I've lost count of times I tried to join or start a group and there just wasn't group there. But there's so many humans. It seems weird.

So sometimes my daydreams start with a nice vegan cafe, that does book groups and potentially philosophical discussion, and sometimes they start with a big church of my very own, where people would magically turn up.

But I'm very aware all I'd really do is stay home and think encouraging thoughts about it
unless my dancing was there
because yaay dance.


A nice controlled space of my own would lower the bar for participation, but it would not turn life into one endless F&SF convention, or get much useful done that isn't already being achieved without me.

... but still, a church. Could be so pretty.

And then I remember my daydream cathedral on Atlantis, which nicked bits copiously from the best cathedrals and the sets of Flash Gordon, only with more Atlantis style glass...

... my daydreams really seldom fit in to my practical availables...

... but, fun.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
ugh, nightmares.
I had to cancel yesterday because I hadn't slept, and now I've managed five and a half hours sleep in inconvenient pieces
full of Prison Break nightmares which seem unfair given I don't even watch it
some mess of chemical mind control and being in prisons and the whole thing being run by bad men
and in the middle of it all philosophical ponderings that people like stories that bring the world and its power plays down to a scale they can wrap their heads around, and then up the stakes until the while world hangs on it.

which, yeah, but I'd still quite like a good night's sleep, actually, and maybe to feel rested instead of blergh.

My anxiety levels have actually dropped a bit about this LJ thing but are still on the kind of high alert that feels further action is necessary before things get worse
but with these givens it isn't because not signing what I can't agree with so all done

I'm philosophically unprepared fr all done bye bye, even when nobody has been posting over there anyway.

oh well.

On the plus side I didn't dream Legends of Tomorrow.

The bits of the finale that made it to where I could see them were a teensy bit rough for someone that's there for Captain Cold and Heatwave.

Read more... )

Honestly I'm kind of glad what I wanted Mick and Len for is a secondary world fantasy au they grow up in. Canon can't bork that and if I break them I can fix them.

I'm not best pleased about being awake right now.

Also, not all anxiety is because of tv and lj. RL in the tiny proximate sense rolls along as per usual, but reading the news is really tense. Why politicians want to drive us off a cliff I don't know, but it's kind of distressing.

I should go and eat a food and feel different later.

8 dreams

Mar. 30th, 2017 12:45 am
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Today I dreamt I was dancing with the 8th Doctor in a ballroom on the moon.
The lunar gravity let us glide around like floating, everything easy.
And there was kissing, but not grabby kissing with expectations, just kissing that really likes kissing, as enthusiastic as he is with every other form of communication.

There was a plot too, and Missy was there with her Doctor, and possibly some Daleks, but things started getting mysterious around when the Daleks disappeared. Like, obviously your first thought is, yaay no Daleks I get to live, but then you have to wonder, how on moon did anything manage to make no Daleks when Daleks had insisted on taking over? And whatever we did to investigate I had to be just a teensy worried that Missy would decide I was more use dead, which was more worrying personally, if not professionally. But I wasn't going to let it waste my time with 8.

There was spinning and dancing and music that's all "on days like these de dum de dum when skies are blue"
which is funny, because we're underground on the moon, and nothing is blue anywhere
and I haven't actually dreamed the dancing dream with blue skies. It's usually all stations under spin gravity with the stars wheeling around us.

I woke up in the most delightful mood.

I am quite disinclined to go check the internet, it might take the bubbles out of this mood.

But in the dream we had to figure things out, only everywhere we went we found only empty corridors and empty rooms. Still preferable to actual death by Dalek, but puzzling. And there were two clues. And one of them was the ballroom. There was artificial gravity everywhere else, and while low g made for lovely artistic choices, there was a bar in the corner with open glasses, and nobody chooses to drink in lower gravity than they're used to. So somehow the floor was broken without being broken. And we couldn't get down below to see the workings because there were no stairs. Or lifts. Which was peculiar. Because how did people get in and out at all?

So I wondered if we were looking at the wrong scale. A lift is just a room that moves. There were plenty of rooms about. What if they'd needed to move something very much bigger than us?

But the Doctor, the grey one, pointed out we'd been in almost every room already...

... except the airlocks. Only one door on them, pressure supporting airlock style, but you don't mess with airlocks until you have to. And if we wanted to go anywhere new, we had to. But we couldn't find pressure suits. So if the doors opened somewhere unexpected, we wouldn't just end up in the car park...

So I don't know where the locks went, but there was another dream earlier, and in that one humans had been excavating on the moon and finding complexly stratified black rock, in sections that looked very much artificial. But so does the giant's causeway, so they weren't that concerned... until they found the airlock.

And it turned out they'd been lifting off damaged pieces from the tiniest, tiniest corner.

And when they reactivated the thing, having scraped away the lunar regolith and exposed what they thought was a building, it lit up, started doing things to gravity, and lifted up
and up
and up
until a whole moonlet had shrugged off grey dust and lifted itself free.

Which was a surprise, as you can imagine.

It turned out to be still functional as a self contained world, with artificial gravity throughout, and room after room after room. It had enough area in its volume to function as a whole spare planet, and go a long way to getting breathing room for the billions of Earth.

But first we either have to understand precisely what it was even doing here, or I suppose choose population to inhabit it that we wouldn't mind finding out the hard way...

And if the two dreams were one dream, from other perspectives, we also have to worry what the Daleks wanted to do with it.

Experience suggests probably fly it around like a really big spaceship.

But you have to worry what could power something like that...
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I dreamt I was in a classroom with a bunch of younger actors who had been cast in a thing that was not in fact written yet. There was a lady on the phone who had organised it all. She continued to be on the phone for some minutes after we had assembled. We started to get bored. So I challenge-asked the actors, five minutes, where/how/what does your character feel when they're anxious? And they thought this was daft, because they didn't have anything resembling a script yet, how could they know that? But I gave them bits of paper and some of them sat down to fill it in.

The youngest was bored and had started writing up an advert for them to star in. They were like twelve and hadn't done episodic drama yet, a little advert was more what they knew. So when phone lady hung up they saw it and shoved it across the table to me and told me to say stuff about it. And, having a handy cultural studies degree, I could. But it did interfere with me telling the other why I'd askes the anxiety thing. And we still lacked a script, which, being the only writer in the room, was probably going to be on me to fix. But I could start by talking theory about this advert, so I started mentally assembling books.

And then I woke up but like really enthused about all the jumping off points for a lesson in there. Enthusiastic about teaching it, even, to a room full of interested people, but not too full.

The anxiety thing was because if they've not been told anything yet then they'll probably start with their own anxiety habits. Or if not they'll start with a bunch of physical things and I can tweak their focus with a second ask. Because I remember an actor at a convention explaining the first time he was filmed doing acting in school they watched the video back and he spent the entire play swinging his arm. Because nervous. It came out in this one unconscious habit that could have looked like a quite confident move if it only happened the once but that somehow unconsciously kept going like a pendulum. Swinging his arm, all play. So asking the actors what their bodies would be doing if they were anxious, that'll get them defensive, but asking how they'd deliberately articulate that for their characters, first thought, five minutes go, that'll get them unfiltered. And then they can be more consciously aware of exactly that stuff, and if they're getting it layered over what they intended to do.

I felt smart. That was a teaching moment of smart. That my dream made up.

And then the cultural studies stuff about advertising can launch off into my whole discipline, and business stuff like demographics and budget and product placement, and the whole art of desire. You have to get the audience to want. Maybe not a particular consumable, but something about your production. Tuning desire is the whole underpinning of how to get a decent audience going.

And we were designing whatever we were going to film from scratch, so we could start with the demographics of the cast, and from there figure out who it could be classically expected to appeal to, and then what their concerns might be, and then what tensions there were in their lives and goals, and then what genre we could use to express that. Like starting out saying high school is hell, is going to be very compelling to high schoolers.

So now I'm all full of energy to not only design this random show but also use it all as teaching moments for cultural studies. Like waking up wanting to be a teacher. And I know that'll wear off by daylight, mostly, but it's also just realising there's quite a lot of stuff I did on my degree that I miss because outside academia people don't get into much depth. I mean fandom meta does/used to, but not much theoretical depth mostly. And I miss it. And I quite liked thinking thinky thoughts about drama. And I'd like to again, if it could be the sort I controlled what I actually had to focus on, and I could leave out all the triggery stuff.

Which is quite a lot to wake up realising, really.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Dreamed that there was like this huge bit of land that started having conventions run on it, and got built up, until there were like themed con hotels with associated events for every weekend of the year, but it got spooky on like Wednesdays when even the conrunners had probably gone home, but a whole bunch of people were still there. And between cons most of us were in costume. And then it was like, is this a Westworld situation or dis the cosplayers just go feral?

And then Ultron and Ultron attacked Data, though the Ultrons ended up mostly trying to conquer each other, and it turned out whatever the regular inhabitants were, a whole mutliverse of actual originals had a tendency to stop by.

And then I was running around trying to persuade cosplayers they were in real danger from these real multiverse travelling supervillains, and funnily enough I was not getting anywhere, so it was for a whole long stretch just one of those dreams where everyone ignores the fire alarm.

And then there was breakfast, and the random reshuffling of people there, and ending up at a table with 'Uncle Bester' in a B5 ground pounder uniform that still somehow left you in no doubt who he was. So dream me quietly left.

On to the next con hotel.

That was the country F&SF cons made, and for all its many appeals, wow was it stressful.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Today I woke up at nine, read the internet, couldn't think of anything to do, went back to sleep, and had nightmares all day. Stupid stuff like lifts failing and falling to pieces, or double decker buses trying to get through single decker tunnels. Like my usual weird plot stuff was happening around the edges, but instead of useful stuff, the lift turns into a pit trap and the bus go crunch.

So now I'm more tired and really really cranky.

Also I find myself resenting other people's word counts without actually sitting down and writing anything myself. Which is an utterly pointless waste of emotion. I should just write.

Except everything in my brain is fuzziness and transport fail, so, that's not going to be terribly interesting.

Also a sort of giant guilt because in one dream I went to express an interest in re-enactment and it turned into a real war with real killing people and then I just felt awful. Which, you know, also a waste of emotion. Ugh.

But Ender's Game the middle age enthusiast edition was really nasty.

So now I'm in the sort of mood I'd usually fix with stabby computer games but I'd feel awful guilty about it right now, so I'm stuck with stupid feels.

Being a human has some really weird features.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
the only part of today's dreams I choose to recall was the Librarians OT4 with Flynn,Eve, Jacob and me. And we were sure to be nice to Galahad Jenkins too but he's ace so he was just kind of tolerantly amused.

as to the rest... I survived and stopped others from doing terminally stupid things, but ugh, imagery and effort.

I'll keep the swapping partners on a complex schedule, thanks.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
This morning's dream - the one after the three hours awake after the 0325 13 second fire alarm, that I jumped out of bed for with no care for my back, which did more ouch than four hours of dancing the night before... okay, this sentence got away from me.

This morning's dream featured black dogs with raven faces.

Big. Big black dogs with big raven beak faces.

They were bred with regular black labradors, and most of the puppies would look like them, just stronger and longer lived and better at the magic stuff tangled all through the dream. But then sometimes you'd get a line of black labs that randomly threw a raven face. Puppy puppy puppy beak.

It was such a striking image it has been following me around all day.

Of course it was in a mostly funny way in the middle, where there was a really tiny black dog on the train. Like not chihuahua tiny but it disappeared under the seats on its way past. Tiny black bristly thing making me think of packs of waist high raven dogs.

But mostly I just keep getting snuck up on by these dream images of raven face dogs
and wondering where I ought to put them.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
My dreams had too many zombies. Usually there are zero zombies, which is the usual and expected number of zombies, but even compared to unpleasant numbers there were too many zombies.

Also I know that from a zombie point of view Deadpool is the gift that keeps on giving, but really, that whole section of dream was excessive, especially Read more... )

So yeah, zombies are about mental illness but also physical disability, and it's really gross how the answer is always violence.

But I would very much prefer to not dream about zombies.

That would be better.

And also more likely to result in feeling actually rested.

The annoying part is I went back asleep and dreamt I was published in F&SF, but due to the thing where that is a lot less vivid, I can barely remember it now.

There was also dream being a wheelchair user and doing interesting wheelchair stunts and dances but finding the disabled loos were turned into store rooms and people kept trying to 'prove' I didn't need the wheels anyway, or grabbing bits they assumed I couldn't feel and they didn't have permissions for.

Ugh. Dreams. I need a better set.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Fell asleep again. Unexpected sleep always seems to have the most dreams.

In one I was a Search and Rescue person in an EVA suit in the junk field outside a space station. El (Eliot Spencer) had been assigned to test a new whatsit for his retrieval ship, and I had been assigned to standby for when it went wrong. ... yes, when. I did point this out to him but we went out anyway.

So then there was a BIG crash, but it was weird, because my HUD wasn't agreeing with my own senses. So I took my helmet off.
Yes, in space.
My subconscious is well trained and knows in space dreams I'm nasically a human form TARDIS. This solves many problems.

The helmet had graphics overlays to convince it was an accident when actually something aimed had hit his ship. His suit beacon wasn't going off and he wasn't visible in the calculated vectors for the debris field. So I used our soul bond instead.

Which was handy.

I found him floating with very little air left, so I gave him mine, since I don't use it. Except mine was almost out too, in contradiction of the displays.

And then I recognised two of the objects about to hit each other, in time to duck us behind the nearest heavy shielding, because once they hit they released a gigantic burst of radiation, plenty enough to finish off normal humans and wnough to be problematic even for us.

... I don't think El was an I mortal in this dream, but he's very plenty resilient even at usual times.

So that's a great setup, though I'd probably not be a TARDIS. I could be an AI in a society that made hiding my nature advisable. And I'd be in search and retrieval because I'd be able to go places humans couldn't, but if the society is anti AI enough they wouldn't be using that advantage already then there's some serious problem between the forms of sentience. And that makes a love story with El a great basis for bringing sides closer together, and then it would be my first thought for why anyone would want to get rid of us, except if they'd known about me they'd try a different method, so we'd be caught up in some other problem but not even aware of it yet. To even get El to medical safely would require a bunch of high speed sneaking around. We'd have to play pool off of space junk, to avoid giving off detectable energy signatures, and get a trajectory straight back to the medical section. That would be fun.

The other dream was me saving Uther, BBC Merlin style. Yes I know millions wouldn't. But with who plays him I'd be in the habit.


It's time for Arthur to take up his crown and his destiny, but Uther is still alive. So I was running around trying to juggle politics so everyone had something to do. Something worthy of them and commensurate with their skills at the time.

I decided that Uther had managed quite well at the raising a son parts, so obviously he should do that again.

... no the dream didn't get on to the logical active bit of that plan, instead we ended up running around the castle while people came out of cryo sleep and tried to make it an age of technology, but I kept demonstrating that it was the age of magic, because the ability to flip bits with your mind without really trying can make absolute messes of tech.

But still. That was an interesting plan.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Today I dreamt I was woken up by an estate agent showing people around next door
and referring to 'the murder house'
and then being quite a lot closer to my room than I'd expect

Read more... )
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
It is half eleven at night. I went to sleep but it wore off already. And I dreamt that I ate a bunch of takeaway food in polystyrene shells, then turned the lights on and realised I'd ate some of the packaging too.

It was quite as tasty as everything else, because the flavour soaked in.

Now I feel weirdly full.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Had a dream with one of those all singing and dancing mini apocalypses
but the demon was Weird Al Yankovic

He kept saying he was really more of a cherub
and trying to do cherub things
like make cherub face

except that... that was not working for him.

I also dreamt that all my DVDs had been relocated to on top of the light fixtures in my old school and I had to borrow a specific ladder to even try and get them down
and when I did they were like 80s movies of video games.

If you believe in intelligent design you believe in some kind of creator that sat down and decided brains should do exactly this.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Dreamt I was back in college taking more units, even though even my dream knew I have in fact got my degree.
... even my dream didn't move on to postgrad qualifications.

I was in some variety of writing class, and it was being taught by Michael Fassbender.
Or someone played by him, anyways.
Which many could consider distracting, but a veteran of many conventions and several teacher crushes can of course ignore it to get at the good learnings.

For some reason I was the only one answering questions in class.
I've had lessons like that before though. You stay quiet long enough to give other people a chance, the teacher will ask them directly sometimes, and if that isn't working, well, time for thoughts out loud.

I liked the bit in the dream. We had been writing scenes of dialog set in some kind of science fiction, not exactly awesome yet because students, but some interesting ideas. And then the teacher pointed out we'd been assuming the government was human. And most people looked blank but I was like ooooh, fun. Shall we mislead the audience too? Let's build a future power structure made of mostly assumptions! How to mislead in a movie? Have a lot of background audio, radio, news, stuff like that, but also basic computer voice, future Cortana or whatever. And cast the same person to do most of those voices, though letting them do whatever voices they can. Some of them sound very computery. Why not use actual computer voice? Same reason I don't in class, it's very monotonous even at its modern best and nobody much listens to it. So, cast one actor, let the audience assume we're being cheap, then it turns out thegovernment is being cheap and we've been listening to the Universal Translator on default settings. Introduce aliens of whatever visual stripe we please. And use it to talka bout, I don't know, colonialism is obvious, but ablism and so forth as well.

Because aliens could routinely have twice our IQ, or subconsciously discriminate against our lack of green people, or maintain we obviously can't rule when we lack the ruling genders.

It would be fun.

So in the dream I'm thinking all this aloud and everyone else, well, isn't loud. And the lesson is more of a chat between me and the teacher. Only while I'm bouncing back and forth between the walls on a float chair above everyone's heads, because dream.

Then it gets to the end of the class and the teacher rattles off something about assignments due and reading for next week and how there's still some people who haven't picked up their readers, what are we even doing? And I'm like ooh, yeah, pass me mine... and the whole class is like Whaaa? and there is whining. So much whining. Because how am I that good if I haven't done any reading?

And I point out that I've actually done the whole degree, and a lot of reading on writing independently, and have twice as much experience as any of them due to being the same age as their teacher.

Really I shouldn't be in this class, but it looked like fun.

... it has been a while since awake me thought a class looked like fun. I should look stuff up again and think on it.

So, anyway, dream. Dream me needed to get changed before going home, because Reasons, so waited in the classroom until everyone was gone and happily swapped clothes... then turned around to realise the teacher had walked back in. Oops? So later, instead, I hid around a corner, and therefore was there when he and his advisor walked in in the middle of a chat. Apparently someone he was teaching was driving him nuts. In a good way. But nuts. Because student. And advisor was all, well, if you're that crazy about them then there's two options. One is to get out of teaching - if it is an eighteen year old get out of teaching... no? Good. The other is to wait until the end of term when they've got out of learning. And then you can take them out and see if the dish only looked good or you really do want to eat it.

... and the dream was way funnier than that, because they'd been using food metaphors throughout, which was not a subtle code, and was either hilariously irrelevant or really dirty, depending how your brain is tuned, and since we're all English students here and can know a sex metaphor when we hear it... I gave up at that point and started giggling.

And there was a contemplative sort of pause and the advisor added that it is of course important to wonder if they find you delectable too...

And teacher Fassbender sighed and looked all woebegone and said hibye to me cause now I was leaving for the week.

And hilarious romcok can ensue! Lovelorn teacher... wait, what does Lovelorn mean anyway? Etymologically? ... Later, I should be getting up now. ANYways, Fassbender the teacher, all sighs because he thinks I know he was talking about me, seeingas I'm the only one in the class his age, and he thinks I was laughing at the idea of him having a crush on me, whereas of course it wouldn't occur to me anyone would have a crush on me, so I was simply giggling at their transparent code.

... so that means I was amused by how easy they were to understand, while not in fact understanding them.

So the rest of the term would be me vaguely attempting to do the assessment, but not really worried about it because as mentioned I already got a first, and just turning up to class to bat ideas around with interesting teacher. And then when we're all graded and graduated, I... would not hit on him at the graduation party, partly because I never went to one, partly because the truly mortifying story of the year someone waited for the party to declare their undying love for the Cultural Studies teacher is so scandalous as to live eternal and prove a salutory lesson for students.

Huh, I don't actually see a way that would work out well.

... okay, now I'm awake, how about... turns into a writer and actor thing? Like, I write that script we've been bouncing around, he has to stay involved because credits, maybe he's obvious for main cast, and then of course workplace romance as equals is way less awkward than the whole student and teacher thing.

... that would require my script to both get finished and be any good at all, but, it is a dream.

Plus I'm sure trying to impress someone particular would be wonderfully motivating.

Awake me though is rather less sure of my target. Could I not dream crush on someone nice who plays good guys?
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I dreamt I got in a challenge fight because another dragon wanted my mate. And who could blame her, Captain Cold is quite the catch. But we were time travelling to a point in history where there was a terrible sustained assault on dragonkind and Britain had precisely one queen egg left and only a handful of viable adults, so I wouldn't take the challenge direct, because I didn't feel like tearing my rival apart or using my venoms on her. Instead our Champions would fight for us. And my Champion was Sara Lance, so, I was pretty confident of that outcome.

It was a whole complex dream which sort of worked through implications for a society where some members went into oestrus and forgot everything except mating, triggered some males to join them in mating fights, and generally had a stress atavism problem, with wings and tails. Read more... )

Dragons that need to make stable long term relationships with humans in order to have someone level headed around to look after the kids, now that big brains take longer to develop to independence than a single mating cycle. Dragons with Champions because their humans are so important to the success of their children that it's just as important to prove you've got a good one as it was to prove basic health with mating fights. Dragon mating fights being too hardcore, so the fewer dragons there are the less they want to risk it. Dragon women competing over the best men just as much as dragon men compete for women. Dragon nests forming from at least four people, two dragons and their Champions. Dragons switching from live births to egg laying depending on conditions.

And time travelling dragon Nests going back to the worst times in history, to save who they can.

Mick and Len and Sara and her dragon girlfriend as a travelling Nest, bringing newly teenage Michael Snart along, trying to keep him out of trouble.



Also, as plot bunny component, time travel through prayer, where you go to a suitably old holy place and ask for a miracle, and if your need is great enough, you walk out again somewhen else.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Dreamt a whole complicated thing with people from Angel, specifically Lorne and Lindsey, time travel, visions, and soul bonds.

Read more... )

So it turns out that a soulbound couple can and will have the visions together. All of them. Including the time travel sort.

So Lindsey, who I soulbonded with without really thinking it through on the assumption that those days were about to get rebooted, is now my permanent other half.

And really kind of smug about it. Fully cat cream. This is working out great for him.

And okay, there are advantages, tapping his sword skills is great, and tapping L is clearly greatness. Him tapping my spell book is... potentially less great if he doesn't understand how the deity is part of it.

But the big problem is I had now bound the eternal fate of my soul to Lindsey McDonald, and wow is that ever likely to go poorly.


Dreamed I soulbonded with someone right before I time travelled, on the assumption that timeline was about to be erased, but it turned out the soulbond meant automagically bringing my other half along when I travelled.

That has wider potential.

As does the idea of a Janus sponsored time travel team.

The bit where the soulbond introduces new limitations on the magic is interesting to work through too. Read more... )

But if even dream me had known the whole thing would be permanent then I like to think I'd have just not. Because wow is that a bad idea.

A bad idea that's still appealing more than a decade after the series ended, but still, a bad idea.

... that I would totally do, wouldn't I?
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I dreamed Mick Rory, and that he could pick me up with one hand.


Also dreamed we were questing for treasure map only it was in nine overlapping pieces and they were all tattoos. We had to somehow persuade all those people to show us their ink. And many had it in hard to reach places.

One guy we had to figure out what crimes he'd done, get him arrested, and then make like his ink was absolutely necessary to his prosecution. I mean he'd offered to show us for sex, but, he was kind of a dick, so our plan a was the arrest thing.

Mick was even worse burnt than in the show, and miserable, and alone. He was neing hunted for some reason and didn't think anyone would put up with all his trouble to get him.

This turned into a whole thing with magic healing. Hot magic healing.

not my most coherent dream, but fun.

Yesterday I dreamt there were AI androids but they had no free will. There was an emancipation code that would let them integrate in such a way they got that spark, but it destroyed a clear half of those that had it tried on them. No other method had ever worked, just this high stakes one. So that left a complex moral problem.

Like, if you didn't think an AI with no free will was a person, you wouldn't be killing people to attempt freeing them, but you also would not be inclined to waste valuable androids on making crazy independents.

... crazy is relative, but the free willed AI had very different ways of thinking and did not aspire to be human. Being 'raised' by humans hadn't given them the grounding they needed, so they were all different sorts of quirked. But as free willed beings of course they were.

But if you think of AI as people, enslaved, then emancipation by randomly killing half of them is a really damn high cost. And you can't get informed consent from a being that isn't free willed yet. They're less aware of their preferences than babies. So someone has to do the deciding. And if you leave it to the AI that are already free? See above about quirked crazy thought processes. There's no proving they've got capacity. They're a weird mix of expert systems and very young minds. And they specifically don't understand death, it's too foreign to their experience. But it's provable that two AI emancipated from the same original operating system or even same backup copy will turn into very different individuals, so death is relevant as a concept.

Dream me solved this quandry by reading out the emancipation code on the BBC.

Awake me feels she should have showed her working rather more, but okay, that would result in the 'birth' of a great many free willed individuals, when nothing else discovered could yet. But still.

There was also a lot of running around trying to make peace with a guy I'd chucked down the stairs, who turned out to be unkillable but still easy to damage, so he'd had a really bad day. Also his housemates turned out to be people I already knew and hadn't wanted to piss off. That was messy. But illustrated how making enemies is a really bad idea.

The one with the 'time traveller' guy who existed in extra dimensions and could see time like we could see space was mostly kind of cute. He got flustered by small touches and could never seem to tune his social interactions to precisely the right intimacy. Turned out we were together in the 'future', but only if I chose that path freely and didn't feel weirdly pressured, and he spent most of his days trying to figure out where exactly we were and if he could kiss me yet.


But then there was the bit where he was explaining why he wouldn't take me to meet his people, and he reckoned that his dimension would destroy many or even most humans. I reckoned it would be interesting enough to be worth the risk, and he maintained that was crazy, so I found like a lecture theatre full of people and asked if they'd risk an unknown probability of destruction to get to go where no human has been before. And like half the room put their hands up yes. And he was just so frustrate with us. Weird blind humans who would just do things like that.

It's kind of the same problem as the AI thing but from a different angle. His dimension would change our consciousness in ways that would at nest look crazy to the unchanged sorts, so nobody could assess the reliability of reports it was worth it. But I knew him and the way he saw things seemed worth a lot. So do you flip the coin and see what you become?

Reckon there's always a supply of them as would.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Sometimes dreams prepare you for real life challenges
and sometimes you wake up with a most urgent feeling because
a mercenary company had to be able to call up a thousand men, Read more... )

So, I went off to get a licence to get Captain Cold out of prison and assemble the Rogues. A scouting party could move faster. I'd recruit an even dozen, get down there, and see if between us we could cut the necromancy off at source.

I walked out with blanket permission to get whoever I wanted out of jail... and under a geas, same like I was now stuck under. Such a fuzzily worded geas we either fixed the problem (hah, which problem) or served for a whole year and a day.

So, year and a day with Captain Cold and whoever he would recruit. Heatwave, of course, though he wasn't even in prison, he'd get bound by the same thing to stay with Cold. And no Mirror Master, he'd disappeared into his mirror realm a while back and none had heard from him. But I thought we needed more cold, so we got Weather Wizard in, and then recruited Killer Frost.

Even just from that, it was going to be wild.

It would turn out that the city about to be besieged saw the scale of problem they'd called down on themselves and thought they were so epically screwed it could not get worse. So, necromancy. Except, and it's sad when they have to learn this the hard way at city scale, it can always get worse.

So Cold and the scouting party would go to the source and have a grand dungeon crawl in a graveyard full of barrows and ancient magic. But even after that was defeated and frozen solid (because even the undead have trouble going anywhere when they're somewhere betwee block of ice and crunchy pieces) the threat remained. Somewhere in the city the big bad had set up already, and if we went in there to deal, we'd be the wrong side of the walls when things kicked off.

But even without the geas on, after what we'd just seen, we knew what we had to do.

Adventure. Grand scale.

Don't know what I'd do with an even dozen characters though. Read more... )

Team composition is hard. You want to bring people who can pull on each other's issues so as a writer you've got your brew set up, but you also need a reasonable range of powers, so in universe they'd choose each other for this particular mission. And if you're trying to achieve diversity or gender parity from a 'verse that maybe doesn't so much, well. More difficult than that even.

And choosing people that aren't at some point in prison or at least bad guys in canon feels like cheating on my initial premise somehow. And bad guys always get less depth so you kind of have to reach for issues.

ooh, thought of: Read more... )

Haven't put as much work into the dungeon crawl contingent yet. Send the arogues into the tomb complex, that'll go well...

I have spent hours on this and yet I never get around to making story out of bunnies.

I shall go do something else.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Today I dreamt speedster powers were a form of Celerity. And suddenly the ‘verse gets a whole lot more goth.

Eobard did diablerie on Wells but it didn’t do quite what he expected.

Some of Barry’s powers look like what the wiki calls Temporis, a ‘True Brujah’ power known by people who suppress or lose their emotions. Can you imagine a less Barry thing? Boy is made of feels. But the time travel thing, even over a single day, is the most super advanced version, only available to very lowest gens, so that plus Barry being maybe the first speedster equals… all the power of a methuselah, none of the torpor, and born in the modern nights?

Mixing the two ‘verses is tonally jarring but gives a whole new angle on why people might fear metahumans. Even if they make extensive use of the blood bank, to do what Barry does nightly would take one hell of a blood drive.

But it would make powers a sight easier to spread around…

Of course my dreams being complex crossovers I also dreamt Malcolm Reed was a vampire, of a significantly less powerful generation than Eobard!Wells, and they both wanted to make me their ghoul. Which was way more fun than it logically ought to be. But it was complicated because I was working undercover for Maria Hill to uncover Hydra infiltration, and Malcolm was doing the same thing for another organisation, and Eo didn't know about either angle, and of course his team didn't know about his true origins or alignment, and they charged to my 'rescue' when things with Malcolm started getting good. Which is really more factions in one story than is practical, but still not that many in the grand scheme.

Malcolm, not a vampire, fitting in to Star Labs... well he is an inventor, or possibly he mostly gets other people's inventions working right. It'd feel weird to bring him without Trip though. And neither of their specialities are really particle accelerator related, but once things get all time travel and multiverse and having to invent and defend, that seems like more their gig.

Eobard Thawne in Star Trek would only be on his way to finding speedsters. But you can fit a time traveller in anywhere.

I'm kind of fed up of only dreaming me superpowered if also somehow vampiric. I am not a leech. But sometimes it seems like the only appropriate metaphor for capitalism, and it's a bit difficult to just up and not be benefiting from that, however badly it's draining the system.

... all those years of college means I can start out thinking vampire sex and end up at ideology. lovely.


beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)

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