beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-05-11 01:36 am
Entry tags:

(no subject)

Dreamed I was a parrot, flying along the coast, looking at things.
I was a big red parrot, leaving a bunch of green parrots, and flying with a blue parrot.
They didn't mind eating whatever and drinking from ouddles, but I was a parrot of refined tastes, so I'd brought a purse and some pound coins.

The whole enterprise stumbled because Tesco does not serve parrots.

So we had to go find Rhys Williams of Torchwood, who has seen weirder, and would.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-05-08 03:00 am
Entry tags:

Illusion and creation

I dreamt I got into one of those magic battles where everyone attempts to do something proper cosmic just to demonstrate they can.

Also that there was a sort of cult where they claimed to be teaching magic but they were really collecting people with a shred of magery and teaching them the sort of short cuts that call on dark spirits, rather than doing spells themselves. Read more... )



I liked the bit where I was shoeing off how detailed my render could get just to demonstrate the true versatility of magic. Trying to get students to come to the light side because it's actually better seems like a good gig. And just making a forest, on that was fun.


Not loving the gore levels in the rest of it.



Mick Rory turning up as my sidekick get away driver is a bit... oversimplifying him. Like, yes, but sometimes wherever you're getting away from would turn out to be a bit more on fire than you had in fact planned.

Also Len wasn't in the dream and the I just get sad the OTP is split up.

I'm weirdly attached to the version of him from that one fanfic where he was an accountant. I think because it's easier to imagine how I'd meet an accountant? And every shady business needs one, even if it's only shady because it's difficult to explain magic to the tax man. And Captain Cold would be the one in the driving seat of his own story under almost all circumstances, so if I want to be the protagonist, it's tricky to see why he's anything but the villain. Still. Accountant. Might be stretching into a whole new character instead. Interesting one though.

Would go with Lindsey McDonald. The one who walked away. Lawyer who knows magical law but is suddenly unaffiliated.

I was thinking, if you get tapped to be the next Sorcerer Supreme and now have to defend some magical Sanctum, that doesn't actually fix the whole property law side of things. I mean presumably it's an actual building with legal title and inheritance tax being required and so forth. There might be a will from the previous dude, but it might be more of a magical contract, rather than something that would easily stand in court.

So, plot bunny: The Sorcerer has chosen you to protect the Sanctum now he's gone. But without valid legal title there's a slight problem in the question of if the house belongs to you, or if you now belong to the house...


Lawyer Lindsey to the rescue.



Magic as a series of intricate contracts with diverse entities with powers would require a very sharp legal mind. But if you've been busily studying magery then law might be new to you. In which case you'd have to hire someone in. Who would then have power over things like if you accidentally sign away your soul. Talk about a hireling problem.

If being Sorcerer Supreme meant being like the target of a whole set of contracts that you don't even know exist yet, and you can get tapped for the job without knowing the details, and agreeing to it can be by actions like just trying to stop the bad guys breaking in... endless plot. But very legal.

Also, endless reason to tap someone new if you can get away with it. There'd be a bunch of bindings just to make sure you couldn't.



I like better the part with the great power than the great responsibility.




Also, what is up with the regular cast of my subconscious?
Men! Almost all men. For every role, oh look, here's an interesting morally ambiguous man.

Except cat burglar. Then there's a near endless supply of women.


A sorcerer trying to collect artefacts before they go badly for other people would have good reason to be the adventure seed for a whole lot of rogues.

That would be fun.



But still, my brain, too many men in it. Feeling colonised.


But the bit with the forest was cool.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-04-30 05:59 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

Today's dreams started with me having teleport powers if I stepped between to another dimension. Because I'd bonded with a dragon and could therefore use their powers. But I was cranky about that because me and my dream husband both had gold queen dragons, so I with the younger dragon had to move to a new city to start a new weyr. We could visit, because teleport, but we couldn't just build a life together, because dragons are cranky and territorial.

And then I got to the St Louis of Defiance and met Nolan the ex military Lawkeeper, who had a Bronze dragon.

And then I got very cranky because would having a conversation first be too much to ask? Gold be too eager. Now there were eggs.

Read more... )




Alien invasion arriving and finding magic is a very GURPS setup. Volge vs Dragons would go a bit interesting. But tech blows things up on such a larger scale than magic tends to, because it tends to unbalance the dungeon crawl if the wizard can go nuclear.

Still, if resources the size of a country could focus magic, probably they'd get some really big booms.

And forcefields are always handy.



McCaffrey thinks her worlds are SF because the gems and dragons are not magic, they're perfectly respectable psi powers and so forth.

I say go forth and mix it up, because sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science, if it has a consistent ruleset behind it.

And if it doesn't it's probably all quantum and infinite improbabilities.





Being awake is so much more boring.

Dragons and magic gems and even redecorating with nice furniture be more interesting.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-04-26 03:40 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

I had a few days full of dreams full of moments of awesome
which, cool
but today a dream that started out with having to prove a Watcher who returned after sunset was no longer alive progressed by mostly illogical stages to having to protect the president of the world while he made a speech, and failing.
Like I gave the right orders, the Flash stopped the sniper's bullet, it was all going grand
and then it turned out his bodyguard had a switchblade and ill intent
so.

So I woke up feeling like a failure
and this has morphed into one of those swamp drag down moods
where the reason I don't date is I could never be a good partner for anyone ever
due to my worthless epic fail.

I have just woken up and nothing actually real has happened today
and yet
brain.





Days like this make my college degree worth the paper it is written on
despite the general not doing anything since I got it
because look, I achieved the best grade at a tangible thing

go me

as long as all a partner would want from me is lit crit and expertise in cult studs.




:eyeroll:


ugh.

I liked much better the dreams with winning.
the ones where we have to evacuate a bunch of wheelchair users down steps while under sniper fire are somewhat stressful.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-04-24 04:17 pm
Entry tags:

Let's go steal a kingdom

Ugh, communication tasks day is the worst. I need assistance because phone but the people that usually help are not available. So then I just spin my wheels all day nearly but not quite getting anything done.

Today's dream was way better though. Me, Phil Coulson, and Leonard Snart. Who seem like they'd never get along but really Coulson would be perfectly pleasant while using him shamelessly, and Snart would wait for the double cross Coulson knows to expect, and it'd end up kind of like paying him to help but messier.

But. Dream. In a magic using fantasy world, where Snart was still a thief, but Coulson was some kind of cleric of Justice.

Read more... )



So I woke up feeling smugly badass, I can tell you, stealing a kingdom, putting my guy on the throne to protect the baby heir, and in so doing starting the dismantling of monarchy as a corrupt system.

Epic.




And then back in real life I'm stuck on the day's tasks because if I pick up the phone I'll just stutter and fail at making sense in English.

So, you know, the dream was a teensy bit better.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-04-21 04:41 pm
Entry tags:

Excellent dream

It started out with trying to swap a wrong color bridesmaid dress while out with the hen night, and ended up with saving mortal!Odin from a Xenomorph invasion.

... okay, it started out with accidentally magic soulmate marrying Draco Malfoy and ended up with the registry office marriage to make it official, but that is somewhat more embarrassing.

Rolling up to my own wedding wearing the blood of my enemies and formal armour provided by Asgardians is pretty much life goals, though.

Read more... )

... I must say, I wouldn't have thought of 'nude' toned dresses for bridesmaids, especially a veritable human rainbow of them, but now I'm awake I'm quite amused at the blending of traditions they represent. Like, aspiring middle class meets skyclad.

Beats heck out of pink.



But then at this total stranger's wedding reception party, held outside with some little tents, we see a bunch of strangely recognisable people. Like, Thor seems to be making puzzled faces at the punch. And Odin collected up a really piled up buffet plate, before wandering around the corner again.

After trying to get Thor's attention a few times (he's distracted because this time being mortal comes with ageing, and sagging wasn't something he'd ever thought about), we finally all set off around the corner after Odin

and straight into an ambush.

Thankfully I have a rounders bat on me
as you do
and a nice wooden sword with the end stake pointed.

... I'm not sure what theme of hen night makes these the obvious accoutrements, but now I want it...

Read more... )


It was hilarious and glorious.



And if anything could ever get Draco Malfoy's family to accept marrying a muggle, I imagine it's rolling up to the wedding with actual Asgardian gods in your entourage.

I mean, that's a conversation stopper.




Pity as a plot it would take so much filling the holes to make it either hilarious or glorious to the reader, let alone grandly romantic. I'd have to put in a lot of awake work.

But that was very fun dreaming.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-04-19 04:39 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

so I thought I was well, so I ate a food
and now my insides are making these spectacular creaky noises
like it's an abandoned pirate ship while the seas get higher and it maybe might fall apart.


so
that's a thing.



I woke up before six, decided that was way too early, couldn't sleep, read a bit, went back to sleep, woke up after two in the afternoon.
practical.

and I had the kind of dreams that are pretty much nightmares but in vague ways that fell apart when you poke them

like I was a Torchwood agent in the last one, and my mum was worried about it, and someone she knew from parents groups at a fancy school reckoned they knew someone who knew someone and gave her the address of the Torchwood retirement home.

which was then red alert creepy because Torchwood agents don't retire.

not and know they were Torchwood agents.

so she'd visited and came back all cheerful and the nightmare part was wondering what exact variety of Torchwood things had gone, and if cheerful mother was in fact my mother any more.

also a whole sequence with glass patio doors where I've been having basically that nightmare since I was shorter than chair seats, so that one was kind of worn out, but still, I hate heavy sliding doors that could slice carrots and then aren't any decent protection anyway.

oh, and fridge doors that are airtight but see through. like you can see someone stuck in there and it's clearly a problem and the seeing doesn't fix anything. hate that.

there were tons of scattered images though
and nothing compensatory by way of plot bunnies.



being a human is weird.
beccaelizabeth: Captain Cold and Heatwave icons combined (Coldwave)
2017-04-18 11:16 pm

I much prefer happy endings

had a dream that was sort of an elaborate horror thing, but I picked out the good bits to make it happy instead.
Read more... )

Len's got a lot of friends, whether he likes it or not.

So we basically group hug him back to life
and when we get him back to regular reality try calling him Velveteen.



He's still got some issues. Like, if he's just the aspects of him we all loved and wanted, is he really him at all? Is the copy a good enough imitation?
I figure it's like an upload. Electric sheep.
Even if he's not the original, he's a person, so, good enough.

And he's still Cold, as in leeching heat out of people with a touch. But him and how many metas, right? Nobody much minds, they just work around.


The thing where he might not have a soul is more of a worry, but Sara's had that one fixed for her before, and knows where to go.



I like this version much better.


So, technically nightmares, but I woke up having worked out how to use them to get everyone ever back, just with maybe getting a little ate along the way. So that was fine.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-04-13 04:58 pm
Entry tags:

Dreamed something magnificent

It was sort of a timelapse history of humanity's first leap to the stars, all told in conversations between one of the project engineers and a simulation of his best friend. There was no warp speed, but stargates worked, so we had to be the gate builders with no shortcuts. Ben stayed behind to protect the project base on the Earth gate end, Cruz took ship and was going to sleep all the way to their nearest neighbour. But everyone that shipped out left behind an experimental imprint, an upload, that could run in then equally experimental VR. That way they could lend their expertise even while they were gone. So Ben started talking to that Cruz, and all we see of their world is these two, an aging engineer who starts out a dreamer but comes to think he missed his chance, and his eternally optimistic best friend, captured at the single moment he gave everything to give humanity hope.

So there was worldbuilding and politics, there were gates built on every continent before the ship left to carry their other halves to the new world, and initially investment was high, but it was going to take almost a generation to get there, and the gates came to represent what their olders had thrown away instead of investing in them. Inert lumps, the masses weren't believers, had no reason to be. And then one day things Ben comes in looking awful, low and like he hasn't slept in an age, and he has to explain to Cruz, they bombed the gates. Some set of radicals bombed the gates. And some of them didn't get through, and some only did superficial damage, but one continent? They used radiologicals. And that gate is now going to bake anyone who tries to use it. They bombed the gate and humanity is 1/8 closer to stuck here, and there's no fixing it, and he's just... so tired. Of guarding these things, and waiting on a future that's... it's going to be so alien to everyone who tried to build it.

So Cruz says show me, and Ben updates the VR. So now it's running like google maps, streetview plus, simulated three dimensional environments, all sorts of good stuff. But there's nobody else in their sim, it wasn't designed that way. So there's just these increasingly alien aesthetics in the new buildings. And Cruz likes wandering around as much as the next guy, but, he also knows he's in a sim. With really good physics. And a suit they used this to teach him to use that's meant to compensate for muscle wasteage but at full strength? Pretty much makes makes him a superhero.

Parkour!

So Ben, not to be outdone, brings his latest designs in to test out, and he's built himself dragon wings. So they're charging around this empty world, Cruz bouncing off buildings, Ben flying down streets that really never meant for this, and it's all golden awesome.

And like, it doesn't change the world outside, but that's not what talking to your friends is for. Whatever the world does, Ben has this. And he has hope again.

And then gate day arrives... and passes.

And then the extension.

And then all their margin.

And now? Now Ben is really low. Because his darling optimist best friend can't see it, can't change that much, the program would call errors on it. As far as he's concerned there's a dozen, a hundred, reasons for delays. They could still be on course. Have a little faith.

But Ben pretty much thinks he's lost his best friend. So he starts treating sim Cruz different. He's not just waiting, keeping on like they ever did. He's moving on.

So he kisses him, and Cruz kisses back, and it's golden.

But it's years. Years after gate day. Cruz the same young man he ever was, Ben getting distant and focused on the world outside. Thinks this is some kind of escape, all the things he never had. Doesn't believe there's future in it.

Then comes the day that light speed will show them what happened to the ship. And Cruz and Ben watch the feeds together. And it's textbook, it's perfect, the ship is exactly where it's meant to be, but only the automated stuff ever happened.

So the simplest explanation is Cruz just never woke up.

And Ben could hear that and go one of two ways. He could give up - on his golden time with his best mate - or...

But that's where the messages end. That's the last time the sim was woken up. There is no more.

On that end.



Years later than expected, out around a cosmically close star, Cruz wakes up, now the adverse condition is finally cleared out of the ship. And he gets his messages. And despite the sim's fears, he is incredibly happy with all the sim's choices. He'll take them on. He'll call them a memory. And he's walking around grinning, and his crewmates are like, why? Didn't Ben just dump you?


And Cruz is just, no. No way. You don't see it?

Ben is on his way.

He'll be here with the backup crew.

We just have to make it good for when he gets here.



So when the working day is done, now Cruz curls up with sim Ben, keeping him updated on the work they're starting, the planetary surveys and placing the gates, in total confidence he's on his way there.

Because Cruz is ever the optimist, and Ben is the engineer.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-04-08 09:19 pm
Entry tags:

And for a random daydream...

I kind of want to have a church.
... not the online sort that 'worships' an actor, though that was fun
an actual big building where people can gather and do stuff.

It would need to be big enough to do dancing lessons, so I could invite my dancing classes and maybe some other sorts of dance too.

And it should have a kitchen, so we can have nice foods together. Something vegan and gluten free, to maximise the number of people who could eat it.

I realise dancing and food are not the core activities of churches, but it vaguely bothers me that churches aren't scheduled as heavily as schools, and seem to have long times of nothing to do. I mean, sure, most people don't want to talk to god all day every day, but there's still plenty of community functions they could do. Community centers are always busy, just in a different shape building.

I still have saved on rightmove that one church that was for sale as a church. I don't want to convert them. I want to be a social hub, with a bit of theology, from multiple religions.

There could be different religions on different days, and a day for fandom, and possibly a long term reading group for the works of Terry Pratchett, since by the time you've close read all of those you're probably years from starting at the beginning. And whatever texts we focused on they would be the jumping off point for discussions on how to live ethically and be excellent to each other.

And there could be political activism too, because once you've figured out something about ethics you can put it into action. Not on a 'everyone should obey my religion' way though, more making sure all the many varied disagreeing people have room and legal protections. And then maybe helping refugees and like some churches do a food bank but also you'd want to tell off the government for not doing enough food anyway.

After school places for children to be while work finishes would probably get used a lot but would need many adult humans capable of supervising. But snacks and tables to do homework. And wi fi I guess.

There's a nightclub for sale right now. I imagine turning it into also a dayclub for different sets of people. There could be non alcoholic beverages and nice eats.

Economically it would fail, but, one can dream.




I am aware there are many places already doing most of this. And that they have fewer people and far fewer volunteers than they'd like.

But I am nad at going places, doing things, and joining in with stuff.
So I just daydream a space that is all mine already so all the stuff is stuff I want and I can just stay there and meet the world as they turn up to agree with me.

:eyeroll at self:



I'm kind of puzzled how there are more people in the world than there used to be but I can't find where they gather. Science fiction group is small, and often science fiction duo. Pubs keep closing because they're not the social cornerstones they used to be. Church attendance dwindles, and it's not only because of the god stuff. There's never as many volunteers for the charity shops as they would like, and they keep closing, though they do also keep opening different charities in slightly different locations, so that isn't simple.

Some of it is economics, but some of it is people not turning up to do collective stuff so much, and I don't know why. I've lost count of times I tried to join or start a group and there just wasn't group there. But there's so many humans. It seems weird.



So sometimes my daydreams start with a nice vegan cafe, that does book groups and potentially philosophical discussion, and sometimes they start with a big church of my very own, where people would magically turn up.


But I'm very aware all I'd really do is stay home and think encouraging thoughts about it
unless my dancing was there
because yaay dance.


*sigh*



A nice controlled space of my own would lower the bar for participation, but it would not turn life into one endless F&SF convention, or get much useful done that isn't already being achieved without me.


... but still, a church. Could be so pretty.




And then I remember my daydream cathedral on Atlantis, which nicked bits copiously from the best cathedrals and the sets of Flash Gordon, only with more Atlantis style glass...


... my daydreams really seldom fit in to my practical availables...


... but, fun.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-04-06 05:38 am

woke up tense

ugh, nightmares.
I had to cancel yesterday because I hadn't slept, and now I've managed five and a half hours sleep in inconvenient pieces
full of Prison Break nightmares which seem unfair given I don't even watch it
some mess of chemical mind control and being in prisons and the whole thing being run by bad men
and in the middle of it all philosophical ponderings that people like stories that bring the world and its power plays down to a scale they can wrap their heads around, and then up the stakes until the while world hangs on it.

which, yeah, but I'd still quite like a good night's sleep, actually, and maybe to feel rested instead of blergh.

My anxiety levels have actually dropped a bit about this LJ thing but are still on the kind of high alert that feels further action is necessary before things get worse
but with these givens it isn't because not signing what I can't agree with so all done

I'm philosophically unprepared fr all done bye bye, even when nobody has been posting over there anyway.

oh well.



On the plus side I didn't dream Legends of Tomorrow.

The bits of the finale that made it to where I could see them were a teensy bit rough for someone that's there for Captain Cold and Heatwave.

Read more... )



Honestly I'm kind of glad what I wanted Mick and Len for is a secondary world fantasy au they grow up in. Canon can't bork that and if I break them I can fix them.



I'm not best pleased about being awake right now.





Also, not all anxiety is because of tv and lj. RL in the tiny proximate sense rolls along as per usual, but reading the news is really tense. Why politicians want to drive us off a cliff I don't know, but it's kind of distressing.

I should go and eat a food and feel different later.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-03-30 12:45 am

8 dreams

Today I dreamt I was dancing with the 8th Doctor in a ballroom on the moon.
The lunar gravity let us glide around like floating, everything easy.
And there was kissing, but not grabby kissing with expectations, just kissing that really likes kissing, as enthusiastic as he is with every other form of communication.

There was a plot too, and Missy was there with her Doctor, and possibly some Daleks, but things started getting mysterious around when the Daleks disappeared. Like, obviously your first thought is, yaay no Daleks I get to live, but then you have to wonder, how on moon did anything manage to make no Daleks when Daleks had insisted on taking over? And whatever we did to investigate I had to be just a teensy worried that Missy would decide I was more use dead, which was more worrying personally, if not professionally. But I wasn't going to let it waste my time with 8.

There was spinning and dancing and music that's all "on days like these de dum de dum when skies are blue"
which is funny, because we're underground on the moon, and nothing is blue anywhere
and I haven't actually dreamed the dancing dream with blue skies. It's usually all stations under spin gravity with the stars wheeling around us.

I woke up in the most delightful mood.

I am quite disinclined to go check the internet, it might take the bubbles out of this mood.

But in the dream we had to figure things out, only everywhere we went we found only empty corridors and empty rooms. Still preferable to actual death by Dalek, but puzzling. And there were two clues. And one of them was the ballroom. There was artificial gravity everywhere else, and while low g made for lovely artistic choices, there was a bar in the corner with open glasses, and nobody chooses to drink in lower gravity than they're used to. So somehow the floor was broken without being broken. And we couldn't get down below to see the workings because there were no stairs. Or lifts. Which was peculiar. Because how did people get in and out at all?

So I wondered if we were looking at the wrong scale. A lift is just a room that moves. There were plenty of rooms about. What if they'd needed to move something very much bigger than us?

But the Doctor, the grey one, pointed out we'd been in almost every room already...

... except the airlocks. Only one door on them, pressure supporting airlock style, but you don't mess with airlocks until you have to. And if we wanted to go anywhere new, we had to. But we couldn't find pressure suits. So if the doors opened somewhere unexpected, we wouldn't just end up in the car park...



So I don't know where the locks went, but there was another dream earlier, and in that one humans had been excavating on the moon and finding complexly stratified black rock, in sections that looked very much artificial. But so does the giant's causeway, so they weren't that concerned... until they found the airlock.

And it turned out they'd been lifting off damaged pieces from the tiniest, tiniest corner.

And when they reactivated the thing, having scraped away the lunar regolith and exposed what they thought was a building, it lit up, started doing things to gravity, and lifted up
and up
and up
until a whole moonlet had shrugged off grey dust and lifted itself free.



Which was a surprise, as you can imagine.



It turned out to be still functional as a self contained world, with artificial gravity throughout, and room after room after room. It had enough area in its volume to function as a whole spare planet, and go a long way to getting breathing room for the billions of Earth.

But first we either have to understand precisely what it was even doing here, or I suppose choose population to inhabit it that we wouldn't mind finding out the hard way...



And if the two dreams were one dream, from other perspectives, we also have to worry what the Daleks wanted to do with it.

Experience suggests probably fly it around like a really big spaceship.

But you have to worry what could power something like that...
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-03-28 11:28 pm

Drama, Lessons

I dreamt I was in a classroom with a bunch of younger actors who had been cast in a thing that was not in fact written yet. There was a lady on the phone who had organised it all. She continued to be on the phone for some minutes after we had assembled. We started to get bored. So I challenge-asked the actors, five minutes, where/how/what does your character feel when they're anxious? And they thought this was daft, because they didn't have anything resembling a script yet, how could they know that? But I gave them bits of paper and some of them sat down to fill it in.

The youngest was bored and had started writing up an advert for them to star in. They were like twelve and hadn't done episodic drama yet, a little advert was more what they knew. So when phone lady hung up they saw it and shoved it across the table to me and told me to say stuff about it. And, having a handy cultural studies degree, I could. But it did interfere with me telling the other why I'd askes the anxiety thing. And we still lacked a script, which, being the only writer in the room, was probably going to be on me to fix. But I could start by talking theory about this advert, so I started mentally assembling books.

And then I woke up but like really enthused about all the jumping off points for a lesson in there. Enthusiastic about teaching it, even, to a room full of interested people, but not too full.

The anxiety thing was because if they've not been told anything yet then they'll probably start with their own anxiety habits. Or if not they'll start with a bunch of physical things and I can tweak their focus with a second ask. Because I remember an actor at a convention explaining the first time he was filmed doing acting in school they watched the video back and he spent the entire play swinging his arm. Because nervous. It came out in this one unconscious habit that could have looked like a quite confident move if it only happened the once but that somehow unconsciously kept going like a pendulum. Swinging his arm, all play. So asking the actors what their bodies would be doing if they were anxious, that'll get them defensive, but asking how they'd deliberately articulate that for their characters, first thought, five minutes go, that'll get them unfiltered. And then they can be more consciously aware of exactly that stuff, and if they're getting it layered over what they intended to do.

I felt smart. That was a teaching moment of smart. That my dream made up.

And then the cultural studies stuff about advertising can launch off into my whole discipline, and business stuff like demographics and budget and product placement, and the whole art of desire. You have to get the audience to want. Maybe not a particular consumable, but something about your production. Tuning desire is the whole underpinning of how to get a decent audience going.

And we were designing whatever we were going to film from scratch, so we could start with the demographics of the cast, and from there figure out who it could be classically expected to appeal to, and then what their concerns might be, and then what tensions there were in their lives and goals, and then what genre we could use to express that. Like starting out saying high school is hell, is going to be very compelling to high schoolers.

So now I'm all full of energy to not only design this random show but also use it all as teaching moments for cultural studies. Like waking up wanting to be a teacher. And I know that'll wear off by daylight, mostly, but it's also just realising there's quite a lot of stuff I did on my degree that I miss because outside academia people don't get into much depth. I mean fandom meta does/used to, but not much theoretical depth mostly. And I miss it. And I quite liked thinking thinky thoughts about drama. And I'd like to again, if it could be the sort I controlled what I actually had to focus on, and I could leave out all the triggery stuff.

Which is quite a lot to wake up realising, really.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-03-19 02:19 pm

(no subject)

Dreamed that there was like this huge bit of land that started having conventions run on it, and got built up, until there were like themed con hotels with associated events for every weekend of the year, but it got spooky on like Wednesdays when even the conrunners had probably gone home, but a whole bunch of people were still there. And between cons most of us were in costume. And then it was like, is this a Westworld situation or dis the cosplayers just go feral?

And then Ultron and Ultron attacked Data, though the Ultrons ended up mostly trying to conquer each other, and it turned out whatever the regular inhabitants were, a whole mutliverse of actual originals had a tendency to stop by.

And then I was running around trying to persuade cosplayers they were in real danger from these real multiverse travelling supervillains, and funnily enough I was not getting anywhere, so it was for a whole long stretch just one of those dreams where everyone ignores the fire alarm.

And then there was breakfast, and the random reshuffling of people there, and ending up at a table with 'Uncle Bester' in a B5 ground pounder uniform that still somehow left you in no doubt who he was. So dream me quietly left.

On to the next con hotel.

That was the country F&SF cons made, and for all its many appeals, wow was it stressful.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-03-12 06:32 pm

(no subject)

Today I woke up at nine, read the internet, couldn't think of anything to do, went back to sleep, and had nightmares all day. Stupid stuff like lifts failing and falling to pieces, or double decker buses trying to get through single decker tunnels. Like my usual weird plot stuff was happening around the edges, but instead of useful stuff, the lift turns into a pit trap and the bus go crunch.

So now I'm more tired and really really cranky.

Also I find myself resenting other people's word counts without actually sitting down and writing anything myself. Which is an utterly pointless waste of emotion. I should just write.

Except everything in my brain is fuzziness and transport fail, so, that's not going to be terribly interesting.

Also a sort of giant guilt because in one dream I went to express an interest in re-enactment and it turned into a real war with real killing people and then I just felt awful. Which, you know, also a waste of emotion. Ugh.

But Ender's Game the middle age enthusiast edition was really nasty.

So now I'm in the sort of mood I'd usually fix with stabby computer games but I'd feel awful guilty about it right now, so I'm stuck with stupid feels.

Being a human has some really weird features.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-03-09 03:28 pm

ugh, daytime sleeping nightmares are the worst

the only part of today's dreams I choose to recall was the Librarians OT4 with Flynn,Eve, Jacob and me. And we were sure to be nice to Galahad Jenkins too but he's ace so he was just kind of tolerantly amused.

as to the rest... I survived and stopped others from doing terminally stupid things, but ugh, imagery and effort.

I'll keep the swapping partners on a complex schedule, thanks.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-02-27 09:33 pm

(no subject)

This morning's dream - the one after the three hours awake after the 0325 13 second fire alarm, that I jumped out of bed for with no care for my back, which did more ouch than four hours of dancing the night before... okay, this sentence got away from me.

This morning's dream featured black dogs with raven faces.

Big. Big black dogs with big raven beak faces.

They were bred with regular black labradors, and most of the puppies would look like them, just stronger and longer lived and better at the magic stuff tangled all through the dream. But then sometimes you'd get a line of black labs that randomly threw a raven face. Puppy puppy puppy beak.

It was such a striking image it has been following me around all day.

Of course it was in a mostly funny way in the middle, where there was a really tiny black dog on the train. Like not chihuahua tiny but it disappeared under the seats on its way past. Tiny black bristly thing making me think of packs of waist high raven dogs.

But mostly I just keep getting snuck up on by these dream images of raven face dogs
and wondering where I ought to put them.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-01-25 02:48 pm

Ugh, too many zombies

My dreams had too many zombies. Usually there are zero zombies, which is the usual and expected number of zombies, but even compared to unpleasant numbers there were too many zombies.

Also I know that from a zombie point of view Deadpool is the gift that keeps on giving, but really, that whole section of dream was excessive, especially Read more... )

So yeah, zombies are about mental illness but also physical disability, and it's really gross how the answer is always violence.




But I would very much prefer to not dream about zombies.

That would be better.

And also more likely to result in feeling actually rested.






The annoying part is I went back asleep and dreamt I was published in F&SF, but due to the thing where that is a lot less vivid, I can barely remember it now.

There was also dream being a wheelchair user and doing interesting wheelchair stunts and dances but finding the disabled loos were turned into store rooms and people kept trying to 'prove' I didn't need the wheels anyway, or grabbing bits they assumed I couldn't feel and they didn't have permissions for.



Ugh. Dreams. I need a better set.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-01-21 08:22 pm

Nice pair of dreams

Fell asleep again. Unexpected sleep always seems to have the most dreams.

In one I was a Search and Rescue person in an EVA suit in the junk field outside a space station. El (Eliot Spencer) had been assigned to test a new whatsit for his retrieval ship, and I had been assigned to standby for when it went wrong. ... yes, when. I did point this out to him but we went out anyway.

So then there was a BIG crash, but it was weird, because my HUD wasn't agreeing with my own senses. So I took my helmet off.
Yes, in space.
My subconscious is well trained and knows in space dreams I'm nasically a human form TARDIS. This solves many problems.

The helmet had graphics overlays to convince it was an accident when actually something aimed had hit his ship. His suit beacon wasn't going off and he wasn't visible in the calculated vectors for the debris field. So I used our soul bond instead.

Which was handy.

I found him floating with very little air left, so I gave him mine, since I don't use it. Except mine was almost out too, in contradiction of the displays.

And then I recognised two of the objects about to hit each other, in time to duck us behind the nearest heavy shielding, because once they hit they released a gigantic burst of radiation, plenty enough to finish off normal humans and wnough to be problematic even for us.

... I don't think El was an I mortal in this dream, but he's very plenty resilient even at usual times.



So that's a great setup, though I'd probably not be a TARDIS. I could be an AI in a society that made hiding my nature advisable. And I'd be in search and retrieval because I'd be able to go places humans couldn't, but if the society is anti AI enough they wouldn't be using that advantage already then there's some serious problem between the forms of sentience. And that makes a love story with El a great basis for bringing sides closer together, and then it would be my first thought for why anyone would want to get rid of us, except if they'd known about me they'd try a different method, so we'd be caught up in some other problem but not even aware of it yet. To even get El to medical safely would require a bunch of high speed sneaking around. We'd have to play pool off of space junk, to avoid giving off detectable energy signatures, and get a trajectory straight back to the medical section. That would be fun.





The other dream was me saving Uther, BBC Merlin style. Yes I know millions wouldn't. But with who plays him I'd be in the habit.

So.

It's time for Arthur to take up his crown and his destiny, but Uther is still alive. So I was running around trying to juggle politics so everyone had something to do. Something worthy of them and commensurate with their skills at the time.

I decided that Uther had managed quite well at the raising a son parts, so obviously he should do that again.

... no the dream didn't get on to the logical active bit of that plan, instead we ended up running around the castle while people came out of cryo sleep and tried to make it an age of technology, but I kept demonstrating that it was the age of magic, because the ability to flip bits with your mind without really trying can make absolute messes of tech.

But still. That was an interesting plan.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
2017-01-18 03:07 pm

(no subject)

Today I dreamt I was woken up by an estate agent showing people around next door
and referring to 'the murder house'
and then being quite a lot closer to my room than I'd expect

Read more... )