beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Today my mum and my brother could visit
so we ate birthday cake that is Free From everything one of us can't eat
and I got an extra card and shiny present

and then me and brother watched a movie

Rogue One

... I realise everyone else has watched it but I heard it would make me cry
and indeed it did a bit
like it's brilliant, but, that's... that's a difficult ending.

I'm all for hope
but
ow.

Chirrut and Baze are indeed excellent
and I liked Jyn
though it's weird having like five women in that sea of men

since when does any room look like that?


But it was very boom and argh and wow.



... also my brother has a near magical ability to make maximum mess
so we paused a couple times to deal with messes
and the paper tablecloth did its job
but now I can't get a replacement the same colors
until xmas goes gold again.

turns out table is wobbly enough that really enthusiastic writing can spill drinks.
might want to poke it and see if I can fix that.
or it might be a design flaw.



I suspect I shall be visiting Ao3 for fixit fic or happily ever after AUs.

That is a very intense movie.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
So, I was thinking about my epic lack of social skills, and ongoing shortage of brickspace friends, and it occurred to me to think about it in hours spent. Which of course makes me think of GURPS rules for study
http://beccaelizabeth.dreamwidth.org/2683842.html

Getting to know a person is like a specialist topic. And you probably can't study books about them, mostly, though people something enough to have instruction manuals would be an interesting category. Reading their journal might count, but only i they're, like, super chatty and write all the things.

... my journal. Probably counts.
But I do skim the highlights only, for a lot of topics.
... yes I know it's very wordy for highlights.

Most people most of the time are not deliberately teaching you about themselves. There would be times they were, but probably not often.

And the kind of thing that counts as intensive training? Probably not going to come up in routine social interaction.

So most people most of the time, hanging out with them is like learning on the job.

Some people are in fact your job, but then all you need to know about them relates to your job, so the primary skill is your job skill, and different clients are, like, familiarisation penalties. (B169) Eight hours practice gives you familiarity with a new model. Before then you're at -2 even if you have the relevant skill. So you can improve rapidly in those 8 hours, which seems to be all Torchwood does to teach guns, but might make an instructor think they were really good at teaching. But with people, 8 hours getting to know them would get you over the really awkward stage.

But then just hanging out not teaching in particular? 800 hours. To get one point better. Than default. For a maximum of 8 hours a day.

Sooooo... that could take a while.

And I, personally, leave the house maybe 8 hours a week?
And much of that time is spent on the bus.

So to get over the first awkward might take two or three weeks, but then to actually start getting skill points in This New Person, that will take at least a hundred weeks. Or two hundred. Or... more.

And if any particular person is only there for one activity a month? A hundred months.

... which is a bit of a long time, really, and a complete explanation for only shallow acquaintance, without social skill penalties being involved at all.

Which makes me feel better about it.



... I mean my social skill penalties are also significant, but, theoretically not insurmountable, given sufficient time with an actual particular human.



Finding one you like well enough to invest 800 hours in is a tricky bit.


It was way easier when we got all those hours by osmosis at school, every single day, for years.

... easier in a way that I purely couldn't do any more, but, you know, in the friend-hours equation, that went faster.



So, new theory: just need more hours.


... at my age...
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
We went to science fiction group. Talked with usual guy for half hour about things we watched lately. He likes Dark Matter better than Killjoys, which is pretty good cause I can watch that next.

Then two more people arrived and we played Munchkin until someone actually won this time. That was fun.

And then more conversation about games until it was time to leave.

I am so tired now. Super tired. Made of tired.

But in a happy way, so, headache worth it.

Plus they knew a new to us board game group meeting that does not clash with most things, so, possibilities.

I need to sleep cause it's dentist tomorrow and then dancing in the evening. ambitious day.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
:-)
three people plus me and driver were there today.
we played Munchkin. i think we all had fun? i brought it because I have not done any new sf things since last sf group and expected to run out of conversation, but once it was on the table, we played it from the start.
so now i have two weeks to get my brain full for conversation again.
and the other people are all planning to be here then, so, cool.

I always worry I will be off topic but people wouldn't join in if they didn't want to.

so that was nice evening :-)
beccaelizabeth: Hat made of rainbows (rainbow hat)
My annual brave thing has been achieved, with only two panic attacks, and a whole inability to talk of course, which I wouldn't usually bother mentioning but the edp tried to interview me and it not work, I got as far as 'n n n n n' of trying to say not work, and they got the idea.
Read more... )

But I went, and there was maximum rainbows.

Pride is good.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Before I went I was on the internet looking for different things to do instead, but as usual now I've been I feel better, and I'm glad I went.

We did the Kindness meditate today. This involved stopping and talking about it more than usual. I made whole numbers of sentences out loud. They may even have been coherent. We were supposed to think of kind things we have done and times people were kind to us and it kind of branched out into other kindness times and really, there is a lot of kindness in the world. Even just small baseline stuff is or can be kindness. I personally am not so much with the doing of things, so only small kindness of trying to remember to comment, but there's a lot of other kindness to go around. Which is a good thought.

Also I always start out annoyed at me because I'm full of feelings that are not the correct feeling for the evening. But then I thought about neighbour baby crying. Isn't any point being annoyed about baby crying. I mean I will be, but there's no point. Baby full of feelings, baby going to cry. Can feel kind to loud baby, can feel kind to loud feelings. They're just doing their thing. So then it's easier not to get in a feelings loop, because okay, that's a feeling, but we can feel kindness about it.

So then I spent the evening thinking kind thoughts at the world, and generally feel better.

And I'm getting better at sitting still. I mean I still can't do it, but in much less fiddly ways, so, improvement.

Nice evening.

NSFG

Jul. 19th, 2017 11:46 pm
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Went to science fiction group
(first and third wednesdays every month until xmas)
had conversation, including section on Doctor Who, and me mini reviewing memorable bits of Analog and Asimov's.

hopefully i remain interesting and they don't just listen because it's difficult to inconspicuously quit a goipr of which you are the last members.

am cranky and wound up by all the background noise and the way the breeze necessarily involved the smokers balcony. but is good to talk.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Norwich Science Fiction Group at the Ribs of Beef again
there still needs to be more group in our group, but the conversation with the one guy that was there was plenty entertaining.

Also the pub has redecorated and I want their rainbow cushion.
... not the actual pub one, because people, but.

Meetings are first and third wednesday of the month, so next is in two weeks.
... so I shall get on with reading and watching and listening stuff to talk about then...
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Whoosh! Booms! Yaays!
... sad bit ...
... in the silence my brother pipes up "part three?"

I know what he meant, he's asking if it'll stay sad bit as much as he's asking if there's another movie later, but it did break the mood a little.

We went today because it was a subtitled showing where we could get the bus both there and back. This is the first showing that met all three conditions. So it being a hot and busy weekend wasn't going to stop us.

I was more anxious than I like though. So many humans.

Bits we liked: Groot. Also Groot. And that bit with Groot.
Really relatable content for life with neurodiverse family.
Funny bits. Many. Although many are made of *facepalm*, and some are laughing at violent yet stylish death, so.
Rocket and all his kabooms. He sneaky.
Drax and his direct approach.

Gamora and Nebula had both moments of awesome and an emotional arc.

But the whole thing was very Daddy Issues The Movie. More came down to Quill this time. But there were a lot of threads of that going on.

It managed to make me feel sad about someone I would not have expected. And like people for being basically a holes.

I liked the ending of the first one better, but this one was pretty good.




After that it was only 2pm so even on Sunday there was still time to do things. And we needed to eat. So I sad boring but reliable food, Sainsburys café. Which was a bit of a walk but they've made it nicer and easier the way we went, so that worked out. And they had food we can eat and we basically did Sunday shopping. But I only got apple pastries to take home, because I shop every week and have things. Except now I'm home I realise bread could also have been useful... Ah well.

Then the bus home and then it was now.

Tired but that was a successful outing.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
went to the pub
one human there
did talking for two and a quarter hours
but the background music defeated me slightly early.
also two weeks of reading and viewing does not seem to translate to two and a half hours talking if just one person there.

need to get more fans to our sf group.

but talking is nice.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I went to the Norwich Science Fiction Group
(first and third wednesdays in the basement at the Ribs of Beef)
and there was excellent talkings

three whole humans that were not me!
many topics!
never actually getting on to politics, phew!

Also I bought biscuits and shared them, so I ate only small numbers of biscuits at reasonable intervals.
... I have ate equal numbers of biscuits since I got home and opened the second packet, but, it was a good plan up to then.



I like it when there is talkings.

And there is every chance of further talkings in future weeks.

:-)

Yaay NSFG

Mar. 15th, 2017 11:25 pm
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Our science fiction group needs more group in it
but I did have a successful 2.5 hour conversation with the one guy who does turn up
so that works.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
We kind of need more group in our group, it was just me and the organiser again.
But it was good talkings that bounced along for hours
so win.

... anyone who happens to be in the Norwich area
Ribs of Beef pub
first and third wednesdays of every month until xmas party season.

but that was nice social
on top of my already extremely social week.
cool.

NSFG again

Feb. 1st, 2017 11:28 pm
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
science fiction group was once again one other person
and we ended up talking all the topics, not just f&sf, but politics religion sexuality gender. and only sometimes about captain america or the doctor.
so that was a lot of talk.
also it was upstairs in the noisy and I didn't like it much there.
but I had my lemonade and 2.5 hours conversation per fortnight, so that works out.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I went to the buddhist centre and did a meditate.
I am not very good at sitting still. And their cushions are the special sort that are harder than the floor. And he said at the start that sitting like I chose was only for very flexible people, and I said it's how I always sit at home, because it is, but then I couldn't sit still and felt like I'd been foolish. But I know I couldn't sit still on the chairs or kneeling neither, so, *shrugs*
I ended up a bit grumpy but I started out anxious so technically that's an improvement.

I liked it well enough to go again, but not to say that goes in the routine.

Also it is less fun going at night, because then all the after dark people are around, and you have to figure out which person sitting on the ground in the cold is a danger, or is in danger, or is about to throw up, or you have to cross the road to avoid the probable puke. Daytimes are a bit simpler. So I still hope we can sort out to go in the daytimes.

It took three hours to do a one hour meditate, because of getting there and back. We got there fifteen minutes early with no traffic no delays easy parking in expected place. So we can probably trim that a bit, but not all fifteen minutes.

This is why I wanted to live in Norwich, all the things are there and take two hours of transport to wrap around anything.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
the talking is back
and will be first and third wednesdays at the ribs of beef norwich
until next year's xmas break.

we talked many things
and I was enthusiastic about The Librarians
and listened to many recs for classics of SF.

then on the way home we stopped at Tesco, which opens until midnight
and now I have enough drinks until regular shopping time, and also chocolate biscuits.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
celebrate looks a lot like Sunday except we also went to the computer shop
where the birthday guy didn't actually want the sort of computer we thought would be good, he wanted the one that had a bigger screen and barely enough battery life to watch one movies.
so no computer was bought.

but we did going out and I said Happy Birthday
and then I went home before they did, because it is Very Wet out there
and also tonight is a whole extra set of things and I want to not be worn out by then.

also also later he is going to watch Doctor Strange, which I don't think I want to.
but we got two new dvds also
and that will be a pretty good celebrate.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Today was the last NSFG of the year.
And it had a bit in the middle where it turned into a discussion of Trump and Brexit and immigration and how the best way to reform something is to leave and ... I don't know, make them miss us? I did not engage. Because political discussion with drunk people is seldom productive.

But we also talked science fiction and I said Arrival was very good (which it was)
and we discussed Blakes 7
and... lots of random stuff. Lots.

There will now be no more talking to them until maybe third week of January or first week of Feb.
So.
... I need more opportunities for talking out loud.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Science fiction group was two whole other people to talk to :-)
Also upstairs in the warm but loud section, because people were watching football in the usually cold quiet.

I should do more stuff so I have more varied conversation.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I win at Be Social.
Went to the pub. Four whole people were there that I wasn't employing. We talked.
actual out loud conversation with humans. winning.

the more of my regular life I'm getting back in place the more I remember I wasn't actually content with what I had when it was working
but that's a whole separate problem.

talked about SF.
win.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Went and talked again. Some of it even on topic. Winning.
Also played Munchkin for like half an hour. Because when I asked driver if we have one hour she did not understand that is what I was asking. I shall be more clear next time.

The Ribs is quite nice and I brought as many warm things as needed so the basement on the river was nice to sit in.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
went to SF group, did a talking
pretty successful

there has been many weeks it is just the one other person lately
maybe needing to find more people?

but as long as I keep watching and reading new things then I'll have new things to say every couple of weeks, so that should work out...
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I get to go to NSFG regularly now. Is good.
I had not much knowledge of the topic tonight and only one other person turned up, so we talked same usual things and even I have noticed I mostly complain same things all the time, but I'm sure that's okay. Also there was a board game. I did not win, but it's more interesting than staring at the walls in here, which is the baseline standard.

Next group 3rd Wednesday Ribs of Beef pub Norwich.
Topic something to do with audios and podcasts and suchlike.
If I can talk about Big Finish all evening I can actually topic.

success

Jul. 20th, 2016 11:44 pm
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Norwich Science Fiction Group happened once more
and this time there were three whole people who wanted to talk about science fiction.

I am now in the phase of the evening where everything comes back in my head to the soundtrack of my epic social anxiety. It's boring. It's kind of running as a background process right now.

It is SUPER WARMS around here. My house is super warms. It was the correct temperature in the basement of the pub, because they're on the water with a fridge behind it. Most of the year I have to wear jumpers and a coat, but today, correct temperature while wearing lightest outfit. That is super warm, and it is not wearing off as fast as would be nice. Plus I am as per usual having to balance outdoor air making probably allergy discomfort with indoor air being broiled. But tomorrow it is supposed to get properly cool again overnight, so I look forward to that.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Success! New transport arrangements functioned correctly and I went to the science fiction talking :-)
... and so did one whole other human, so that was nice.
... probably in other weeks the group will have more people. probably.

I talked out loud with another human
I win.

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