Jul. 4th, 2017

beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I have finished moving all the things I'd planned from the old shelves to the new ones.

The comics and magazines shelves are indeed suitable for holding comics and magazines, and quite full of all of them now.

I did however learn why magazine holders are useful: you don't think about how heavy six foot of magazines are until they've flopped from both directions onto your hand and you're trying to lever them off with one arm while not pulling the whole lot down on your head. Having them in individual sections with handles is much, much better. And that would have been better to realise before I'd put them all loose at head height, but so it goes.

My arm is fine, but a bit grumbly.

I'm feeling all accomplished, having moved the Fortean Times collection in order into their new single shelf home. Also some Buffy graphic novels, because the shelf is a bit longer than the FT, hence the shifting. But that means I have more space on the RPG rulebook shelf, which I already need, and there's always more of those along later.

I have so much space. It's awesome. I feel like there's room for a whole year of books at least!

... I have many me lengths of shelf handy, so, that would be a really grand year...

Between my FT collection and the stacks of books going back to the X Files I have what GURPS would consider a Basic Library on the topic of Forteana. I can roll at basic Research skill, even without internet access.

... GURPS has not accounted for me not owning the index, but clearly that's a whole other problem...

Reshelving achieved!
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
To whoever rang the door and woke me up: when you say you want to be let and I say Why? It is not a convincing answer to hang up and dial someone else. That didn't seem like a complicated question. And the subtext was why did you wake me up, so you fail at that too.

I was dreaming about Simm!Master and Ten. The Master wasn't fobwatched, he was more like Eight that time he'd been away from the TARDIS far too long, not enough brain memory so he'd forgotten himself and defaulted to a different personality. But he was such a nice man like that. He was interested, and helpful, and he had a workshop full of stuff and things and he was making all sorts. It wasn't a lab coat workshop, more a blue overalls and split leather fireproof coats sort of thing. Ten was ever so fascinated. But this Master wouldn't have liked his usual self at all, or vice versa, making him a one man trolley problem.

To get his memories back he needed artron energy. So I, as a time traveller, was strangely attractive, time lord catnip, but didn't have enough (plus the Doctor was unimpressed with the ethics of letting amnesiacs kiss us). One kiss from the Doctor, though...

So that's a setup and a half for angst. Reasons to avoid first kiss: will from certain angles kill him, and likely all the rest of us when he realises.

But he was so cute and enthusiastic.

And the Doctor rather likes the full of memory sort anyway.

Which of course is why he didn't want to let himself.

... I'm fairly sure I've read the very thing, with fob watches involved, but making it artron deficiency means they can't even touch, so...
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I'm kind of annoyed of my brain.

Like, I'll think of something really hot

and then I'll spend at least an hour thinking it through to Horrible Consequences, like when the villain in question is inevitably as awful and manipulative in relationships as out of them, or goes full on abusive, or maybe serial killer.

Because clearly this is how one wants every brain story to go!

I know from like academic fandom that romance as a genre has a high degree of focus on asshole men, because it's all about *fixing* them. By being such an awesome self that he just, like, completely revises his behaviour. So now all that strength actually has a soul, and you get a happily ever after.

... or not, because certain parties don't think they're writing a romance, but whatever, that's what fanfic is for.

And this is a good fantasy, and many bazillions of people agree with me, and it fuels like an entire corner of publishing.

... and I can't seem to just leave that story to be that story, I have to spend at least as much time on the misery thoughts, as if they're more 'realistic' and I can't let myself get away with deluding myself.

It's about time travellers with super powers, why is 'realistic' grimdark trying to get all over it?

This is a form of catastrophising I had not really anticipated.

But considering it as another way my depression gets all over my writer brain it makes a kind of sense.

But it's also, like, when you notice a toxic pattern and you want it gone and you try and correct your brain? Because a pattern of attraction to RL people that fit my usual fantasy type would be, you know, fatal. Bad plan. But also it's that thing with noticing there's more story about redemption for white boys with no redeeming features than there is story about people of color. Like, some of these guys, they are not our precious. They're toxic privileged murder on legs, and should not be given an inch. Like how it's hard to get some people to notice Ward is a bad guy or Loki attempted genocide. But one side of the problem there is the not noticing? Like, noticing and setting out to fix it, that's a whole different story.

But I still feel like my brain should spend more cycles on actually liking the good guys.

Except if a story presents someone as 'good' then their bad behaviour tends to go unexamined, even if it's really pretty bad. So I'll focus on that. But if a story thinks someone is the 'bad guy' then it can overlook stuff that seems like pretty solid reasons, or plain logical behaviour. So I'll focus on that as a place to start.

... also, lately, bad guys tend to be more in my age range.

... *sigh*

But just, my brain is trained to tie itself in knots of feel bad about the hot thoughts.

Because it would go Horribly Wrong.

But they are thoughts and I am the boss of them so I think they should quit it and let me go back to being so awesome all the supervillains just give up the bad parts for a chance to date me.


beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)

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