I know this is posted on DW but there's only one comment there and LJ is more my "home" so -
The story we actually saw, where Buffy is right and Riley couldn't cope with her being strong and in charge so he stopped doing what she told him and just pissed around trying to get a reaction, that's an interesting story about masculinity and the flaws thereof. The story Riley and Xander tell us we saw? Ugh. Just blame Buffy for her boyfriend being a dick while she was dealing with life and death stuff elsewhere. Why not. Ugh.
I have SO MUCH LOVE for ALL of your thoughts and feelings regarding Riley in S5. I watched the show three years ago for the first time and got suspicious of all the shots of Riley all puppy-dog sad because he feels "ignored" while Buffy is taking care of her mom, her sister, dealing with a Hellgod. I watched Into the Woods and thought "The writers aren't telling us what I think they're telling us, are they?" Sadly, they are - at least one of the writers confirmed that in an interview.
But the scene with Xander confirms that and there's other moments to come that I don't want to spoil you for. As You Were in S6 - totally confirms it. I can't even think of that ep without wanting to spit bullets. I look forward to discussing more but suffice it to say Riley's messed up interpretation and his actions really do a a number on Buffy's sense of self and self-worth, on her ability to love. And his role either gets ignored in fandom, minimized or excused (so many people think Riley was in the right and she was a "bad girlfriend" I have NO idea what to do with that. No answer whatsoever except that is so screwed up.)
The writing of the argument between Buffy and Riley is really good (Marti Noxon is great with dialogue); it feels very much like a real argument where the two people aren't reasonable or rational. And I was Team Buffy all the way, from her command for him to get her hands off her, to his whining that he doesn't "feel" her love and her rejoined "Well who's fault is that?' If he doesn't want to be the "mission's girlfriend" then I guess that's fair, but then putting it all on her is a douche move. She's not responsible for his feelings, for his sense of self-worth. Why are women always expected to do all the emotional growth, be the emotional caretakers even though Riley says he wants to take care of her, he really wants her to mind his feelings, to soothe his ego, to coddle him. And then pretend that's not what's going on.
Yeah, he misses feeling important, being the center of attention (Maggie), he also misses the toys and the goodies - he was surely paid well as a soldier in the initiative (My brother was in the Navy for years so I have an inkling), and had all sorts of benefits, the respect of his team, etc. Probably health benefits, travel, excitement, nice apartment, etc. Nice shiny guns, helicopters, fancy equipment. So part of what he's going back for is the money and privilege that comes with it. And he can take off, and Buffy can't, because he's not really tied to Sunnydale. He doesn't have the responsibilities that Buffy has. He's not responsible for anyone else. Again, this could have been a chance to examine how women are tied down, or expected to be, by their burdens, their care taking responsibilities, but really isn't.
Every time in the narrative (Anne, Normal etc) that Buffy runs away, the story tells us (usually via Xander and other characters) that she was absolutely in the wrong, that part of being the hero means not running away. Just pick yourself up by your bootstraps, and keep going. The story will make small nods or acknowledgments of the emotional cost of that, then tell us she needs to keep going anyway. The Briley relationship really had the opportunity to examine and subvert the bullshit around the "male ego" and male privilege, about how women are expected to do all the emotional and physical care taking, and the gendering of relationship roles, but it didn't. And that's just sad. Even sadder is that so many viewers, from what I can tell, go along with Riley's and Xander's version of events. We're trained to prioritize the guy and his pain in the situation.
I'm really enjoying your thoughts (ugh, Riley.) Mind if I friend you?
no subject
The story we actually saw, where Buffy is right and Riley couldn't cope with her being strong and in charge so he stopped doing what she told him and just pissed around trying to get a reaction, that's an interesting story about masculinity and the flaws thereof. The story Riley and Xander tell us we saw? Ugh. Just blame Buffy for her boyfriend being a dick while she was dealing with life and death stuff elsewhere. Why not. Ugh.
I have SO MUCH LOVE for ALL of your thoughts and feelings regarding Riley in S5. I watched the show three years ago for the first time and got suspicious of all the shots of Riley all puppy-dog sad because he feels "ignored" while Buffy is taking care of her mom, her sister, dealing with a Hellgod. I watched Into the Woods and thought "The writers aren't telling us what I think they're telling us, are they?" Sadly, they are - at least one of the writers confirmed that in an interview.
But the scene with Xander confirms that and there's other moments to come that I don't want to spoil you for. As You Were in S6 - totally confirms it. I can't even think of that ep without wanting to spit bullets. I look forward to discussing more but suffice it to say Riley's messed up interpretation and his actions really do a a number on Buffy's sense of self and self-worth, on her ability to love. And his role either gets ignored in fandom, minimized or excused (so many people think Riley was in the right and she was a "bad girlfriend" I have NO idea what to do with that. No answer whatsoever except that is so screwed up.)
The writing of the argument between Buffy and Riley is really good (Marti Noxon is great with dialogue); it feels very much like a real argument where the two people aren't reasonable or rational. And I was Team Buffy all the way, from her command for him to get her hands off her, to his whining that he doesn't "feel" her love and her rejoined "Well who's fault is that?'
If he doesn't want to be the "mission's girlfriend" then I guess that's fair, but then putting it all on her is a douche move. She's not responsible for his feelings, for his sense of self-worth. Why are women always expected to do all the emotional growth, be the emotional caretakers even though Riley says he wants to take care of her, he really wants her to mind his feelings, to soothe his ego, to coddle him. And then pretend that's not what's going on.
Yeah, he misses feeling important, being the center of attention (Maggie), he also misses the toys and the goodies - he was surely paid well as a soldier in the initiative (My brother was in the Navy for years so I have an inkling), and had all sorts of benefits, the respect of his team, etc. Probably health benefits, travel, excitement, nice apartment, etc. Nice shiny guns, helicopters, fancy equipment. So part of what he's going back for is the money and privilege that comes with it. And he can take off, and Buffy can't, because he's not really tied to Sunnydale. He doesn't have the responsibilities that Buffy has. He's not responsible for anyone else. Again, this could have been a chance to examine how women are tied down, or expected to be, by their burdens, their care taking responsibilities, but really isn't.
Every time in the narrative (Anne, Normal etc) that Buffy runs away, the story tells us (usually via Xander and other characters) that she was absolutely in the wrong, that part of being the hero means not running away. Just pick yourself up by your bootstraps, and keep going. The story will make small nods or acknowledgments of the emotional cost of that, then tell us she needs to keep going anyway. The Briley relationship really had the opportunity to examine and subvert the bullshit around the "male ego" and male privilege, about how women are expected to do all the emotional and physical care taking, and the gendering of relationship roles, but it didn't. And that's just sad. Even sadder is that so many viewers, from what I can tell, go along with Riley's and Xander's version of events. We're trained to prioritize the guy and his pain in the situation.
I'm really enjoying your thoughts (ugh, Riley.) Mind if I friend you?