Universal Experiences

[beccaelizabeth]

There's this idea that comes up in Lit fairly often that there are 'universal experiences' - things about being human that are common to everyone.

It's a bit of a problematic idea from where I'm standing. Like there's only one way to be human.

It's like saying death is universal... okay, maybe, but one's relationship to death is very personal. Always different.

And if it is not one's own death (which do make it somewhat easier to write about) then there's another layer of different, the relationship with the person that died.

Even if it's a specific category, like "death of a parent", how many different ways are there to relate to a parent? There's a spectrum running from best friend to worst enemy, closest part of your life to vaguest acquaintance. Some people never meet their parents, have other caregivers that aren't in quite the same roles. Some people have bad people they have to live with instead of the idea of a caregiver at all. And some people get the cereal box family, two parents that love them exactly like the stories say they should.

So how are reactions ever supposed to be universal? To life or death?


Sometimes it leaves me feeling like an inadequate human being, that I don't have reactions just like all the big stories.

Then I get annoyed that the big stories are inadequate, because here's this human being who hasn't read the one about her yet. Maybe need to write it then.

Mostly though I notice it when I'd like to be helpful but all I can think of is the person they lost was all different than the person I lost and I'm not sure anything translates.


This is one reason I like fanfic as a way of talking about stuff. We know some about Buffy's mom and Buffy's relationship to her. We can talk about that specific relationship and the feelings wrapped up in that and the loss and all. And then we have a common experience to start with.

Except for the thing where it's not technically real, it's very helpful for translation.

But the except for is pretty big.

Comments

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

I don't think anyone has similar reactions and thoughts to those in most stories. At least not anyone I know.

[beccaelizabeth]

*nods*

but then why stories??

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

The bitter oppressed political activist in my whispers, "because it's written the way that they want you to think, feel and behave". The way that society would benefit from.

[beccaelizabeth]

well, yeah, is where the ideology hides out, but... *all* the stories?
... that wanders off into a sociology textbook debate I guess.

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

The other person's reply seems logical and less bitter.

[http://users.livejournal.com/peasant_/]

I think the basic building blocks of experience can be universal - loss, grief, anger, happiness, shock, etc. - it is how those blocks are combined that makes each individual unique and thus all the different ways to be human. So if I am grieving for someone I can understand and empathise with the expressions of grief in a story, even though the story may be about grief for a parent when I am mourning a friend. So 'death of a parent' is not a universal experience, even for those who have lost a parent, but 'grief for a loved one who has died' is universal, as is 'grief for a person who I really didn't like but knew well and now has died'.