beccaelizabeth: Captain Jack Harkness smiles after Ianto propositions him (Jack stopwatch smile)
My letter arrived from City College.

I am pleased to confirm that the City College Norwich Awards Board held on 11 July 2013 recommended [beccaelizabeth] for the award of English with Cultural Studies BA (HONS) - 1st.


Yaaaaaays!
*does the happy dance*

my maths was right and my grades were (just barely) right and I got 70.1% all told on the final transcript and I got a First!

*bouncy punch the air happy dance again*

:-D

(Yes I know I kind of knew this already from doing the maths myself but now I have a LETTER and that means I actually have my degree. For reals. In my hand.)
:-D

The graduation ceremony is in October so I get to have another happy dance day then as well.

I finally have my degree!
:-D
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Exploring the extent of gender difference

Abstract

This dissertation explores the depiction of gender in Doctor Who, a long running text, 1963-present, with multiple authors. Across half a century of popular television the representation of men and women changes, influenced by changes in social and cultural context that reshaped discourses of gender. I focus on Chapman’s account of the creation of classic Doctor Who in 1963, the story The Aztecs [1964], and seasons 5-7 of the new series, 2009-2012. Originally character design focused on creating audience identification figures to induce loyalty, providing both men and women with characters they would both understand and want to be. That has always been in tension with the demand of the plot that characters make mistakes and be endangered. The Doctor is always the expert hero, travelling with a female companion; many critics see the divide along gender lines, a powerful man protecting weak women. The Aztecs can be read that way: women, expert in humanities, argue about morality and kindness, and fail; men, expert in science and violence, successfully protect them. The division of power and spheres of influence set structures that influenced later seasons, producing tensions that were resolved differently in different decades. By 2009 The Doctor and Rory demonstrate different models of masculinity, differences in class, and tensions between expectations that males use power violently and approaches that emphasise communication and caring. Amy and River show different femininities, including stereotypes such as motherhood or dangerous manipulative sexual attractiveness, but fight against them, refusing to be boxed in and used by others for such roles. Success for both genders requires flexible approaches drawing on skills previously associated with the opposite sex. Previously gendered divisions became conflicts within each individual, highlighting and questioning the limits of both genders’ stereotypes. This reflects the increased importance of the feminine in society, culture, and science fiction.

13,196 words.

*** *** ***


This dissertation was for my English with Cultural Studies BA (Hons) and it got 65%
My best mark for an essay was 80%, so it's really not my best work.
But it was the best I could do after having been ill so much this year, to a deadline, in word count.

Word Count also explains why there's so many Appendices - quotes count towards the word limit, appendices don't. For the other 10 years I've been at college indented quotes over 40 words don't count towards the word limit, which was much less clunky and irritating.

Dissertations take a long time, and my initial plan didn't end up looking much like the finished thing, especially as regards how many episodes I was looking at. There were only supposed to be two, The Aztecs and A Good Man Goes to War, but I barely looked at the one and couldn't for the life of me focus on only the other. By the end of it I'm not sure I even agree with me, but there you go, it's done now.

I said if I got over 60% I'd show people. So.


Dissertation
Appendices and References
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)

Amy Screams, The Doctor Yells: Gender in Stephen Moffat’s
Doctor Who

Exploring the extent of gender difference

Introduction


Read more... )

Chapter One: Doctor Who: Casting for Loyalty



Read more... )

Chapter Two: The Doctor and masculinities

Read more... )

Chapter Three: Companions and Femininities


Read more... )

Conclusion


Read more... )


Go here for comments, questions, feedback, and arguments.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
A lot of this should be photos, but I can't figure out how to put them in just yet. Bit of a pain really.

Appendices

Read more... )


References
Read more... )


Comments and feedback (including 'here is how to put your pictures in' comments) here please.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Dissertation mark is finally up on the college website.
... I am still poking it and checking it and being all, "Really? Really really? Proper really really?"
And I put it in my spreadsheet and if I did the spreadsheet accurately I am :-D

... but also weirdly tearful.
Finished!

... I got, for the Dissertation, 65%


Before this last year that would have been my worst grade ever, but considering the limitations imposed by health this year, that's a bit awesome.

:-D

Read more... )


So that was two months between handing things in and finding out how I did.
Two months in which I did a whole lot of absolutely nothing.
My plans for the future are similarly packed.
... possibly I need a new plan?
*looks up MAs at UEA again*
... *remembers how bored I've been for some years now* ...
*sighs*



On the plus side, if I can think of anything I still want to study, I have a good degree to start applying with.

... wow, that's still weird. I have a degree. It is done and I passed and everything.

*woah*
beccaelizabeth: Captain Jack Harkness smiles after Ianto propositions him (Jack stopwatch smile)
Thanks you everyone who offered help at all. Lots of helpful. I'm sure I'm going to regret not taking more of it, but people were nice.


I have finished.
Two hard copies of dissertation, printed and bound, including abstract and contents and appendices and references and bibliography, plus one log book, plus CD of all everything ever, plus upload of dissertation.
Handed in to appropriate desk, receipts received.


I am done.

Read more... )


I am done with my BA degree, with college, potentially with education if I so wish.

*blinks a lot*



... now I need a new plan.

... that could take a while...
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I was supposed to do a presentation made of advice to the 2nd years at some point around the start of the 2nd semester.
At that point my entire presentation would have been 'try not to get ill, and if ill, try not to take meds that you quit for Reasons last time'.
So I did not so much do that.
Teach says I will not fail from not having done that. So that's nice.
But I have been thinking what I would say in my presentation now:

Do not do what I did.

Start early, as early as humanly possible. You never know when you'll get ill and lose eight weeks.

Read more... )


Do not do as I did. Start early. Work often. Actually hand stuff in at progression points. Feedback is lovely, but tricky to use when you find yourself with two weeks to... well, write the thing. Progression points are a reasonable distance apart and you will deeply regret blowing through them with that whooshing deadline sound.

Listen to your teachers, for they know what they'll be marking you on.



It is vastly frustrating to reach the end of the course and mostly be wishing I had another month or two.


Good luck.



... in an actual presentation I would also be telling exactly what I learned about Doctor Who.
I tried doing that in the presentation for Diss Prep and got a rather terrible mark for it. I greatly fear I would not now be much improved.


:-/

Achieved

Mar. 27th, 2013 02:21 pm
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I went to college. Got there an hour early, got on the computer and worked on my bibliography. I realised it's not as close to done as I had thought, because I need to write each and all Doctor Who episodes I mention individually in proper format in the bibliography. I can't just say a season and year, it has to look like this:

'A Day in the Death' (2008) Torchwood, Series 2, episode 10. BBC Two Television, 5 March.

'Genesis of the Daleks' (2006) Doctor Who, episode 1. Directed by David Maloney. Written by Terry Nation. First broadcast 1975 [DVD]. London: BBC DVD.

... those are the exact examples in Cite it Right, the how to book.

I must use the full title of an episode the first time it is mentioned but after that I can use 6.7 or whatever, the episode numbers.

But teacher explained the really good trick that will get the words down to count Read more... )


The important thing I should take from this day is, if I get the citations right and the word count rearranged, I will pass and get my degree. That should really relieve the pressure.
... it doesn't, but it obviously should.



Now I need to actually sleep since I haven't for more than a couple hours in a couple days and my eyes are all blurs.

ugh

Mar. 15th, 2013 06:04 pm
beccaelizabeth: When you say words a lot they don't mean anything.  Or maybe they don't mean anything anyway and we just think they do. (literature)
Have sent today's version of the dissertation to teacher as agreed at meeting last week.
argh argh what a mess argh.
still 16000 words, still no introduction, and the femininities chapter sort of turns into the conclusion without stopping to say so.

also I re-read the instructions and apparently I'm supposed to have given a talk at the start of the semester? I really hope someone formally decided I didn't have to. That's happened before, I have Special Circumstances or something, that would be helpful due to the whole panic and woe thing. But I'd quite like to not fail due to being forgot, so I asked about it.



also today I hung up the laundry to dry, but I think I forgot it in the washing machine for a bit long, cause now it smells funny. reckon I'm going to put it back in and wash it again.



I have covered all the topics I meant to, except when I had to just delete a whole paragraph because you can't possibly go off on that really interesting tangent within this word limit. and it's not even a tangent, because race-and-gender and sexuality-and-gender are like class-and-gender always things that are in a particular performance of gender. It's significant that a character changes when they're played by a black woman and a white woman. Though I'm not so sure how much 'changes' is exactly right, given that girl with a gun is sort of central to River either way. It's interesting that when guys get flirty and use lipstick for evil they're omnisexual guys, not het guys. And the Doctor's status as a Lord is pretty easy to argue as being his most consistent feature, so when he's trying to be a 'normal bloke' that's not just trying to perform gender, bloke, but class, of the day job and pubs and football variety. Eccentric aristocrat investigator scientist is the Doctor, so trying to hide investigator he also hid... well, not eccentric, obviously, but his class he tried to hide. Can't just say 'gender' and not those bits, even if it would help my word count.


I still have nothing to say about The Aztecs I couldn't have got from the summary. If I'm going to delete anything completely it would be that. But then I'd end up with a splodge of information about the creation of the show in teh 60s which I refer to a bunch later but which isn't the most directly relevant thing to the recreation of the show in the 21st century or under different showrunners.


*big sigh*

I don't waaaaant to deletes it! My words mine!
... rubbish words, I know. Must make tidy and academic.
... every single assignment I've ever handed in has come back telling me I need to sound more academic. I'm just aiming for use of full sentences and actual paragraphs. The rest is fine by me.


I'm stuck at the moment between thinking I will faaaaaaiiiiiiilllll completely (arrgh arrgh arrgh)
and getting worried about maybe I will get above 60% (like almost every other unit ever) and then I have to worry if I get 65% and a First or if I've calculated wrong or if I'll just miss it or or or or or


*facepalm*


I have 31 days left. Hand in day is 15th April. I have two more weeks to get feedback from teacher. (I hope he answers his email promptly this time.) I have quite a lot of words that are quite a lot on topic even if I'm having slight problems remembering what I read where, I've got lots of notes I can find it.

Logically I have quite a lot of time.
Logically I should be able to hand in something that will pass.


... logic and brains are only passing acquaintances, aren't they?
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
That essay I was highlighting this afternoon, where the myth reference nagged at me?
Had probably got Promethean and Protean mixed up.
The Doctor as Promethean figure actually kind of fits, but it was in a paragraph talking about the very changeable nature of both the character and the show, so probably it meant the other P.


also in this afternoon's reading: social moors. Probably means mores.
less amusing than the sexual morays I have previously read of.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Has a meeting today at 12. So I set the alarm for 0930. I slept, eventually. So now I'm just tired and cranky but after sleeping. Also my dream slipped away again. Not remembering dreams is weird for me. Do not like it. Being stuck in only the awake world, not nice.

So I have to go talk about my dissertation.
... yeah, that's going to go well.

Read more... )
... and I've been typing for 45 minutes and I actually needed to be getting up and going to college.
Oh dear.
Going to miss the intended bus and get the one that's a bit tighter for time then.
Must dash.
... do not want. drat it. cannot teleport to college, must go now.
beccaelizabeth: When you say words a lot they don't mean anything.  Or maybe they don't mean anything anyway and we just think they do. (literature)
my hand hurts. handwriting sucks. I don't know why I started handwriting my DW notes. No, wait, I do, because I was eating soup at the time and couldn't get my laptop out. That's a suck reason to continue a habit that leaves my hand hurting. Except the habit continues to include eating while watching Doctor Who, so the problem continues to apply.
puzzler.

I made notes on The Doctor's Wife. Read more... )

Am also reading theory books. Triumph of a Time Lord I've got as far as checking the bibliography (read it read it own it read it hmmm maybe the librarian can get hold of that one but mostly read it) and reading the introduction. It seems unlikely to be specifically helpful to a focus on gender in Moffatt's era. But it's a lot more readable than some of the other stuff.

Science Fiction Audiences keeps either being about Star Trek or repeating stuff from The Unfolding Text that was boring in the first place. Read more... )

Do you think it's theoretically possible to have seen all the things and heard all the things and read all the books and read all the comics? It feels impossible, but then it feels impossible to read all the fanfic until I'm actually poking around trying to find new things to read.
Not so much new Doctor Who things though, I've barely read any of those, and them usually because they turn up on my f-list.

There's bits about Audiences that are all about fans. Like about reading what fans write on forums or on LJ and treating it just as serious as the Serious Academia. Which it is, just with less Foucault, usually.
I can therefore quote a theory dude pointing out this is Serious Thinkings and then go poking around on DW and LJ for what other people think of A Good Man Goes to War specifically and gender in the TARDIS in general.
... and again, there's never any reading all of that.

On the one hand I could read all the gender stuff in the library and just keep going and going and going. On the other everyone keeps citing the same people, who I have read, and the same books about science fiction, which I have read, and neither what I've read nor the remaining books seem to be specifically relevant to gender on television or gender in science fiction let alone both.

All the books, none the finding things.
Boo.
I'd like to be better at that part.

By Thursday I'm planning to have a new list of to-read to give to the librarian, books I can't find in any of the libraries I can physically get to. Then I give them 50p for each title and they magic them from afar.
Librarians have awesome powers.

I should also ask for librarian advice.

I'll get tutor advice too.



I'm bored and my hand hurts and also quite a lot of my arm.
I might have to take a day off to not use my writing hand.
Boo.

... I knew that, that's why I have a computer for college, so this is just me being an idiot.
double boo.
beccaelizabeth: When you say words a lot they don't mean anything.  Or maybe they don't mean anything anyway and we just think they do. (literature)
It is frustrating when the index makes it look like a book has a ton of relevant stuff all the way through it
but when I bring it home to read it turns out every references is either
Terry Nation (who wrote for Doctor Who)
Douglas Adams (who wrote for Doctor Who)
or Peter Cushing (who played Doctor Who in the movies)
and only the one chapter is in fact vaguely theory type stuff about Doctor Who.
On the one hand, I have finished reading the useful bits of British Science Fiction Television: A Hitchhiker's Guide. Which is yaay. On the other, I could have photocopied pages 52-71 and instead I brought home a 300 page hardback. :-/
Also I'd forgotten I have already photocopied the interesting bits, and the reason I hadn't photocopied pages 52-71 was they were not in fact interesting. I've got a bunch of sticky notes in there but they're mostly the bright pink of pick a fight with this. Also they're mostly on statements about how rubbish the Doctor Who FX were (compared to what? Compared to Star Trek, apparently, but really? And the BBC used Doctor Who to try out new tech, like chroma key, so it was sometimes 'rubbish' in a really quite cutting edge way while trying to figure out what to do with it.), or contradictory statements where the Doctor kissing girls is weird American imposition one page, adult exploration of sexuality the next. Yes, the TV movie was egregiously awful, but that doesn't make kissing American.
Also it seems to be calling fandom the result of entrepreneurs seeing a marketing opportunity just like Star Trek. Fan organisations and conventions are marketing? It's possible it is talking about American cons and means to contrast with British ones, but it makes it sound like cons are in fact American, which, really, no.
... and having complained about this on the internet I can throw those markers out. Doesn't leave many.

The bit where it reckons casting Billie Piper was because of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, rather than, say, twenty five years of Doctor Who companions, is just bizarre. What's the connection? Casting a pop 'starlet'? Is there something I don't know about Buffy stars? All the chapter offers is that RTD likes Whedon, and really, which writers don't now?

More useful to quote about 2005: "Themes that marked the programme as a product of its time included an unprecedented acknowledgement of the Doctor's sexuality and a marked emphasis on female agency. Strong female characters abounded and almost all the episodes were either resolved by female intervention or concluded with a female character in the position of power with responsibility for the future."

... that has both a green and a pink marker, because yaay, womens! But, er, this is new to 2005?

The bit right before it about the TV movie: "The Doctor was adrift in San Francisco and the plot now reflected American interest in action and romance and plot preoccupations familiar from Star Trek. For the first time, the Doctor kissed a woman and spoke about his family."

... and here precision ought to count, because he spoke about his family in Tomb of the Cybermen (a story arc mentioned earlier in the chapter), and talked to his family rather a lot due to travelling with his granddaughter.
Then it goes on to be all half human is a Spock thing, interest in Earth as mother's planet is Oedipal, etc etc
Though I'd think there's quite a long way between 'wishes to be friends with same species as his mother' and, you know, Oedipus.

But again, it skips the ways family had been (for at least one story) important in the classic series (Victoria, Nyssa, Tegan), and in the 2005 series, and calls it American to be interested.
That's just weird.

But the chapter starts off with saying "Doctor Who had found his niche as a British character living American B-movie adventures" so *big shrugs*


I need to read more and more substantial stuff. And I need to write something. Anything. Small things.
:-p

I'm looking forward to this course ending. Don't know what I'll do next, but is hard to find the fun doing this.
beccaelizabeth: Seal of Rassilon with bi pride colors (Rassilon)
I decided to focus on A Good Man Goes to War. Because. I don't know, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've been rewatching the Amy and Rory and 11 and River episodes. I'm up to A Christmas Carol. There's a lot of very upsetting themes in these things. It's not just Daleks and Cybermens and Silurians, it's suicide and child abuse and... well, more suicide and scared children. I'm used to things having more of a cloak on, but here the monsters are, mostly human looking and frightened of plausible things.

And then there's the time travel stuff, and trying to sort it out in your head. Which is a bit less plausible. But still really about things like losing a child or not really knowing the important things about someone you love.

Read more... )


I was going to write something more proper lit theory ish though.

Things I have been reading lately... were not as useful as I might have hoped.

Read more... )

So: theory things
weave Trasker and Mulvey and that TARDIS thingy together better
find more to say about the military bits


... feel a horrible sinking sensation as one becomes convinced this wouldn't fill an essay, much less a dissertation.



I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't know what I'm handing in tomorrow, this is my best shot thus far, I have nothing.

Balls.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
My grade for last semester is in
For the Life Writing class I pretty much didn't turn up to with the teacher I always get rubbish grades from
who has different ideas about how grammar and punctuation work than... every style guide I own and most everything I've ever read.

60%

Which is, just, on the grade boundary for a 2:1

I am slightly frustrated that her feedback is things like 'is this from the Reader' when following the [name] and reading the Bibliography would show yes, it is in fact from the Reader, and hey, the bibliography is right there at the end of the page. Or, "did you get feedback on this on BB? Did you edit the work? Did it begin from an exercise in class? " when my commentary says "This piece started as an entry on my online journal" and "Feedback there and in class" led to "I revised the opening" and "I only strengthened the zombie metaphor, editing out a reference to being distracted by shiny things that seemed inconsistent with zombies to some readers."
So I got feedback online and in class
I revised and edited the work in response to it
and it didn't start from an exercise, it started from my online journal, the exact page which is linked to in the bibliography.
But that was in the 'needs improvement' section so that's areas I lost marks in.
Which is frustrating, because I thought that was pretty clear.
Also frustrating is being told it jolts and is disjointed and I explained it's meant to jolt and be stumbling. And if that was a problem then some feedback to that effect at an earlier stage would have been nice. And it's not that I didn't turn up to class and get feedback, it's that I showed her and didn't get feedback.

Also it says the science fiction is too strong and it is supposed to be life writing. I had a whole paragraph about how Haiti deals with mental illness through zombies. But okay, I'm a science fiction writer, and I didn't turn up for lessons enough to know what Life Writing is. That's just a bit sad, that's not frustrating.


I have plugged the numbers in to my giant spreadsheet of grade calculation and reckon I now need to get at least 64% on my dissertation to get a First overall.
If I pass at all, hand something in and make at least 40%, I will get a 2:1.
But it would be a disappointing 2:1 because until this year with the being ill 63% was my worst mark ever and that was for Modernism with this same teacher and I loathe Modernism something fierce.




Okay, my employee is here so I'll stop chewing over the grade and go take things to the library and get more books.

The plan is to go see The Hobbit. I hope this works out.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Been reading a lot about gender and action heroes and also Doctor Who and how they designed identification figures for a loyalty program for a family audience.

One of the essays suggests that companions are identification figures for children because of the screaming bits. The parts where they're powerless are parts children can identify with. And then the parts where they're having adventures in time and space are the attractive fantasy parts.

So I was thinking, there's a lot of grump about screaming women that need rescuing. It is sometimes even well aimed grump. It's annoying when the only thing women do is scream and need rescuing. But I hadn't thought before about the powerless parts being about making them someone to identify with. Cause we all start out screaming. If it was powerless = women identify I'd be annoyed and it would be a stupid idea. But it's the child part. Every kid knows the monsters are real because every kid starts out stranded ignorant among giants, totally dependent on others for rescue. Everyone can understand that bit.

So I reckon it's only a problem if one person only gets that bit. Because then there's no attractive fantasy, or no role model to look at it from another point of view. The planning thingies for inventing Doctor Who point out that children aren't interested in the adventures of kids the same age or younger, but they don't say why that I recall. I speculate they're interested in people who can do more than them. Because once you know monsters exist, you want to know how monsters can be defeated.

Yelling for help is one pretty good way when you're a kid. Again, it's annoying if one person yells and someone else comes to help every single time. And it's annoying if it's always women screaming. But I've been grumpy previously about the screams-and-dies combination so popular in movies. And before the credits in certain TV shows. Screaming should be socially useful, serving as an alert to others who can help or protect themselves according to their resources. And in Doctor Who it does work that way. Yelling 'Doctor' happens a lot - a lot a lot - but it has the cardinal virtue of actually working. Yell for help, get help. Get by with a little help from your friends.

It's like how the Doctor consistently reckons running, fear, even being a coward, as good things. Because then you haven't slaughtered billions, and fear keeps you fast so you have a better chance of surviving. It's very anti action movie in that respect. Run away and figure things out, do lots of talking, bring friends along because they keep things interesting but also because then they protect you while you figure things out.

So being powerless and screaming aren't necessarily annoying, because they have their place. It's just they tend to be unbalanced, especially because gender. There are imbalances of knowledge and power, and since the Doctor is a bloke who knows everything and can do almost everything, it tends to be the blokes who are ahead on points. Which is why we need a female Doctor as soon as possible. A female person of color Doctor. Because otherwise this imbalance is built in. But the other way to balance things out is to introduce someone who knows things, sometimes more than the Doctor, and can do things, sometimes more than the Doctor, and is not a white bloke.

Hello River Song.

It was annoying she was black that one time because she was also kind of evil and criminal and stuff. She turned white for her redemption arc. That's a bit of a problem. But it's kind of cool that River was black that one time because (a) Time Lords can just change, it's a silly category for Time Lords, the Doctor could be black later (which I think he said in a Sarah Jane Adventures bit but can't remember for sure) and (b) River is cooler than the Doctor and River was black and is a woman.

River isn't always cooler than the Doctor, they take turns. And they rescue each other. And when the Doctor rescues River it's generally because she's whistled him up like a cab, so he's part of her plan.

I like it.

So, why, if these are to me the important parts of River Song, did I say I would write about A Good Man Goes to War?
... because there's Rory and nursing stuff in there that's easier to get at than anything Rory related elsewhere. Though I did just get four pages of notes out of rewatching Vampires of Venice when I only have that notepad to keep track of who screams for help, who rescues who, and what cool stuff does Amy get to do. Because again I picked a bad episode for Amy getting to do cool stuff.

River is older looking than the others except for when she's the same age or a baby. As identification strategies go this is afaik unique. She's a one person team TARDIS.

Team TARDIS has changed a lot since the beginning though. The different ages were meant to be three different age bands for three different segments of the audience, like grandparent, parent, child, but a teenager because of that children don't like younger children bit. The teenager kept getting older, the Doctor kept getting younger, and now instead of being someone's Grandfather he's usually being referred to as a parent, were you a dad, I could be your dad, no you look about nine, or calling him Uncle Doctor. They all got closer together. It's like there's only one interesting age now.

I want to fix it back to being lots of ages because I find people younger than me increasingly less interesting (sorry). Which is what the first inventing them people thought was true about audiences. So it's probably not just me.
Also it's depressing when only people younger than me get to have interesting stuff happen to them.

But you can tell more stories with more variety of people.

But they've managed to have the oldest, the couple in the middle, and the baby, while at the same time making everyone kind of the same, and making the baby also be the one who knows most and bosses everyone around.

... I think I've seen a diagram of that family in some self help books...





I need to turn my random meanderings into something worth handing in for a progression point, and I have a week to do it.
... I really, really miss that semester I was ill. I'd quite like that much extra time back now. But even then I'd be coming up on the first progression point and I'd still have a bunch of nothing so basically I'm just being a bit rubbish.



Also I forgot breakfast today and only turned my computer on to check the date for sell bys purposes so I'll go see to that now.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Once again I did an hour of studying before I found myself staring into space planning what college courses I'd get Tony Stark to pay for as I got qualifications suitable to plan a space colony.
I studied some more time after that in theory, but I think I managed like a paragraph in half an hour.
My brain is just not steerable.

then I ate vegetable noodles (very yum) and watched Babylon AD (WTF? deleted now.)

A lot of the random reading I grabbed about gender and science fiction just leaves me wondering which film they were watching. I mean, there's a lot about Star Wars and that original trilogy, and there's one essay based on the idea Leia isn't sexy Read more... )



If I could find one argument solid enough to apply to Doctor Who and then annoying enough to get in a proper argument with then I'd be golden, I could write lots if I could start like that. But mostly so far I'm discovering what Doctor Who is not. Doctor Who is not science fiction blockbuster movies, or action movies, or ... things that are not Doctor Who.

So I need to get the right books out now my brain is working again.

Can totally do that. Just as soon as things open again.
beccaelizabeth: When you say words a lot they don't mean anything.  Or maybe they don't mean anything anyway and we just think they do. (Delirium)
I just uploaded a draft of my last assignment. I very much hope to have another go at it and check all my sentences actually have a beginning and end, but I'll have to leave it for a day or two before I can try that, and I don't want to go and forget to upload the thing. I have until midnight monday, but since I'll be at a three day party before then, forgetting is not beyond the bounds of possibility. This way I can upload a new draft if I make one or leave it be if nothing needs changing (hah). It's insurance against things going binky, basically.

I think it's also the first time I've been early in all the years I've been at college. And I started in 2002.

Usually I get a two week extension for being a me.

So, that's the last assignment for the last taught lessons for the last year of my epic, epic studyings to get a BA in English with Cultural Studies.

Now I just have to do my dissertation to get the (Hons) bit.

... think I'll take a minute to bask in the sense of accomplishment first...

... or possibly wait to bask until I know I passed, since there was epic not turning up for lessons this semester. *sigh*

(I need the mood to be accomplished and worried at once)

Did reading

Dec. 8th, 2012 08:33 pm
beccaelizabeth: animated: Oz from Buffy the vampire slayer, looking at a piece of paper, then up at viewer, puzzled. (studious)
I got a whole hour and twenty minutes of reading done before a study avalanche happened and I had to fish everything out of the bin. The bin only had an empty envelope and an ex packet of hula hoops in though, so I don't think I need to tell the library what happened to all the books. Maybe I should get the cleaner wipes out before I give them back though.

I am reading Spectacular Bodies, a book I in no way chose because it has Jean Claude Van Damme on the cover, though that is notably easier on the eyes than most academic books. So far it keeps on making me think 'that film sounds interesting' followed by 'wait, I watched that film, those sentences describe the only interesting bit' or possibly 'huh, that... wasn't how I saw it'. Not that it's wrong, more that it's using big thinking where I was pretty much watching kicking movies and buddy cops and things going boom.

It already has a lot more English language women kicking arse movies than I knew of from the time, and it's not even the book primarily about them.

So I'm interested, but increasingly convinced it don't apply to Doctor Who. Especially the 'bodies' bit. Doctor Who has a tendency to involve clothes. Even Leela was wearing quite a lot. And the male bodies definitely kept their kit on. Climate and its influence on genre: not one I've seen covered in textbooks.

I did start working on my Life Writing essay. I tried to find what the teacher told me was relevant and useful in one particular handout, but found a whole lot of nothing much that can be boiled down to 'a bunch of other people have written about almost the same topic as me only actually not very much like it at all'. I shall have to scrape together relevant and useful from the whole terms reading and make it a lot shorter. Blah.


I also had a bath and am now wearing my new sleep shirt. It has these strap things to keep the sleeves rolled up. I can't currently think why I'd need rolled up sleeves to sleep in, so I unstrapped them and rolled them down, but now the straps are on the inside of the sleeves and it's peculiar.

The fact that my brain is much more likely to focus on this than on my reading explains much about my academic career, specifically the speed or lack thereof.

I have been studying at City College since 2002. I really, really want to finish my degree this time. Properly. In a way that reflects 11 years of effort. So I will totally get back to reading once it gets to be awake times again.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I have about 120 days left to do the suggested 400 hours of work on my dissertation, of which I have done... lets call it 4. That's like 3 hours 20 minutes a day. If I round that up to 4 hours a day I'll end up with some free time.

That totally looks possible.

Today: Finish transcript-with-notes of A Good Man Goes to War
Maybe read some of the bazillion pages of photocopy I did last week.


Before that, do second draft of assignment, due in on 17th, but for me due in on 13th because I'll be at Midnight for the weekend.

... I have done absolutely nothing to prepare for Midnight. I think I'm going to turn up without themed costumes. Weird.


But: Work is not huge intimidating thing of woe and doom, work is a solid four hours a day, and days have a lot more than four hours in so I can totally do that.

Okay. Has a plan. ... *xfingers* ...
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I went to college this morning and came back now. That's a whole day of college. I win!

I could start out of the house after it got light because there was no lesson, just appointments. So I finished doing All The Reading (well, I thought all, Teacher has told me some more also relevant reading to do). Then I got the bus in, then went on the computers and typed a first draft of my Life Writing critical commentary. It needs a lot of work but I have until the 17th. Teach read it and no longer thinks I'm going to fail. I have successfully explained Why Zombies. The rest is quotes and squishing the word count down.

After that I went back on the computers and started printing out stuff for my dissertation. I have tiny amounts of stuff. It's sad. But! I waited around doing more reading and highlighting of said tiny amounts of stuff, and there was some time to talk to my tutor. So I explained again about the zombie brain issue, and then showed my box of stuff. It is good start. Now I just need to do, oh, about a whole semesters worth, just to catch up. *big sigh* But I successfully stayed in contact with tutor. Some people have been failing to do the work and then hiding from their tutor, and that doesn't work very well at all. It's not like he'll get annoyed, he's all encouraging and stuff. It's just... it's going to be really uphill to get this done. Really uphill. *bigger sigh*

Read more... )

Lots of win today. Got things done. Is good.

Now to hope my brain remains functional for long enough to get a bright idea for my dissertation.
It's so nice when it works. I get so much done. *xfingers*

working

Dec. 2nd, 2012 04:33 pm
beccaelizabeth: When you say words a lot they don't mean anything.  Or maybe they don't mean anything anyway and we just think they do. (literature)
today I am doing the reading
for pretty much the entire semester
at once

I ... really miss the opportunity to have done this in its right place, alongside example texts, with weeks and weeks to think about it. But I was busy being ill so that didn't happen. *big sigh*

so today I'm reading and taking notes on ALL THE THINGS. And zombies. The zombies make the rest of it substantially better.
... this theory stuff is all going 'hey, people have lives! and they write about them! surprise!'
and they're all pointing out how memory is mostly made up, and people make a narrative out of a stream of random stuff, and they use language, and woah, does that mean it's all secretly made up?
if tis made up, then so is being human. we mostly bump along being done to, life kind of happens, and then being thinking beings we make up a story about it (and mostly post it to the internet)
and that's how we figure out what it is to be human
and that's the neat part.

but this theory stuff we've been given, it keeps getting stuck on the divide between truth and fiction, and how can anything be true? and myself, I reckon it's all fiction, and I don't care, because that's how we put the meaning in it. lives are full of made up stuff, like justice and mercy and love, and rather the better for it. but these theory papers, they never get that far, they're all sitting there making stoned Keanu noises about how you never really know anything. woah.

... I'm so bored. bored bored bored.
... yet I have already got more work done today than I have all semester.

Meds suck. ... depression sucked pretty bad too, but meds seriously suck.



Now I'm wondering if I can quote Hogfather in my Life Writing assignment or if I'll just run out of words if I try it.
... oh dear, I need to double check how the word count thing works this year, they were making noises about changing it last year and I've been away.

... *gets back to work* ...
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
The most irritating thing in doing essays is having to find something proper Cultural Studies degree academic to cite to show things you already know are still true outside your own head.

I need something about zombies. At the moment I have the first few minutes of Sean of the Dead, the GURPS Undead RPG sourcebook, and a vague memory of reading a thing on the internet about a time zombies in Haiti turned out to be mentally ill people.

Any suggestions?

I googled for the Haiti thing and found a bunch of paywalls.
Littlewood, R., & Douyon, C. (1997). Clinical findings in three cases of zombification. Lancet, 350(9084), 1094-1096.

and a popular science article about the Lancet thing
http://mindhacks.com/2012/01/11/a-medical-study-of-the-haitian-zombie/
Read more... )

Following links from mindhack found a pdf that actually opened
http://www.who.int/mental_health/emergencies/culture_mental_health_haiti_eng.pdf
World Health Organization/PAHO. (2010). Culture and Mental Health in Haiti: A Literature Review. Geneva: WHO.
page 13
Read more... )

Teacher barely glanced at my Zombies Life Writing story and said I should make it clearer that it's about childhood fears. It's not. As a child I didn't get around to worrying I'd be mistaken for a zombie due to mental illness, or reduced to the functional level of one due to meds. Read more... )

Teacher is worried my zombies aren't going to fit the criteria of Life Writing.
Her life obviously has different vocabulary than mine. And fewer zombies.
beccaelizabeth: Captain Jack Harkness smiles after Ianto propositions him (Jack stopwatch smile)
I have been working on my dissertation via watching Doctor Who.
Those episodes with the Flesh were well creepy. Mostly the minute at the end when Amy wakes up. There's horror and screaming and really, Do Not Want.

I'm checking and making notes on a transcript of A Good Man Goes to War. Also I will need to get screencaps of what everyone looks like and what they're wearing.
I forgot how long it takes to go through something when paying attention. 90 minutes of study, 8 minutes of episode.

This progress would not usually be worth writing about, except it's the first I have made since depression ate my brain this summer. I haven't been watching Doctor Who. That's how depressed I was. I haven't just been avoiding the one episode, I simply haven't watched it at all. That was a whole new level of suck.

Today: Three episodes. Well, the last half of the one I gave up on yesterday, a whole episode, and then a very slow 8 minutes of an episode. Near enough.

I've stuck a timesheet in the front of my logbook so I can add up exactly how much work I've been doing, and go arrgh arrgh how am I going to turn this into 400 hours before next year let alone April arrgh. But it's a start.

On Monday I can go and print stuff out and have lots more bits of paper in my log book. Which is actually a big blue box. Because obvious reasons.

Next I shall eat food, and then decide between going to bed and doing more taking notes out of books.
... okay, face it, bed will win, but I'm actively thinking about it.
And I've been getting the old cheat sheets out and trying to remember which movements are pans and what a medium shot looks like, so I feel like Proper Film Studies Student.
Not that I need that stuff. I'm studying stuff about gender, it usually isn't relevant if they're in close up or not. But I'm also trying to get my brain back in gear, and feel I have had some success.




None of this is the homework I need to get done for Monday, but that's a whole separate problem.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I actually turned up at a lesson. I win this week.
Teacher asked how I was. I made blergh face and said I'd missed bunches of lessons and scowled. I know she knows I missed them, but I wanted to express my irritation with the missing of things.
Also I had a story done and ready for other students to crit, which is doing what we're supposed to, so that's nice.
I don't know if I contributed helpfully in class. I tried but things went a bit word salad between my brain and my speaking. Also frequently I could see the teacher's point but didn't think it was well enough evidenced to draw the conclusions she wanted, but I can't say that and it be any useful at all. So I tried, but I don't think I was very smart.

Saw my tutor in the corridor. He asked if I got his message and said no worries about the whole lack of having handed things in. So that's nice.

Went to Waterstones and bought books. Also ordered one, so I'll have to go back in a couple of weeks for it. Online ordering is less frustrating, but I like the continued existence of bookshops. Not so much liking their selection lately though. I mean it's not their fault I've bought entire shelves of their stock already, but it is frustrating.

Then I caught the bus up to the other bit of City College. I picked up my UEA library card, finally. CCN can only ask UEA nicely for them, but it's a bit bloody ridiculous I've been without a library card since June. Though I do have to admit I (a) could have gone and studied in the library as a visitor and (b) was in no state to do much with books anyway. In theory that's half my year bookless.

I also went to the HE office and asked something about my bill this year, because either I am confused or there's 10 credits I already paid for. I can't figure out which. They said they will figure it out, and it will take a long while because it is not easy to figure out. But they also said that it's okay if I'm just confused because at least once they've looked they'll know.

After that I caught the bus home.

That is a full day of many accomplishments.

... or, from another point of view, 90 minutes of arguing about Diary of Anne Frank and if she actually wrote it or if all the edit and translate took her voice out, half an hour of getting feedback on my zombies story, and five minutes talking to office people. And home by late lunch time. So not very full, nor a whole day.

But it's more than I've managed for more than a month, so I call it a win.

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beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
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