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Jul. 15th, 2008 12:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beccaelizabethI went to sleep around midnight, finally. Looooong long time with no sleep. I get all wound up and sleep doesn't happen.
Then I unwind all at once and sleep happens a lot. I only woke up at midday cause I'd set my alarm clock for checkout time yesterday and it were in my bag in the other room so I couldn't hit it without emerging. Which is good, cause the cleaner will be here soon.
The food will not, because I'm daft and forgot to order it in advance when I had brains and awakeness and stuff. I has food, but not the food I had planned to have. And I have very little soap left. I might have to actually leave the house. I took the soap to the hotel with me, because my experience with soap has included red up to my elbows and, on one memorable occasions, a fairly large problem with breathing, which was probably a panic attack but nonetheless no fun at all. Hotel soap is usually too plain to do that, but sometimes it gets pretensions.
My life is so fascinating.
The thing is though, I'm awake and coherent and stuff right now, so the no-sleep didn't actually do much. Splatted my mood into total miserable for a night, yeah, but aside from that, I got home fine. And I didn't tell the train places I was disabled this time, primarily because it tends to be very little use and assorted station staff turn up some time after I've left the train and, though this was only at Ely where they're nice, get in a flap cause they can't find me. Not in fact helpful. So I figured it out myself. And I didn't get panic or sick or anything. Well, a bit huff puff oh dear what's those shiny lights oh yeah my bag really shouldn't be cutting into my neck should it, but that's just carrying things when I have entire lack of fitness, not a big problem. Oh, and I was walking proper fast. This might not seem like much but I'm so very fed up of small childer and little old ladies with frames overtaking me while I plod along penguin style in utter exhaustion. Lately I've been overtaking other people! And, okay, most of those other people are about a foot tall, but I'll take what I can get. So I went places, at reasonable speed, figuring out platforms and stuff just as well as people without all the bits of paper that say they're daft, and I ate food at reasonable intervals in reasonable quantities, and I drank drink I hadn't had to carry with me half way across the country, and it was all fine. Pretty massive win really.
I still stutter all the bloody time. I tried writing things down. Some people in the hotel wouldn't look at my piece of paper. I would point at the paper and they said "Yes madam, what is your question?" and I had to try and make words late at night which never quite works out. I'm so very glad I can hear. They're always so unhelpful if you can't speak, I hate to think what they're like if you can't listen neither. But the bar staff were okay with written orders, *and* they wrote down the replies, which hardly anyone bothers to do, and that was great. And when I asked what was in a particular food they went and got the label off the box, which is waaaaay more helpful than the guy in the shop the other week who said 'mostly e numbers and things that are bad for you', though he was more amusing. And then once I got the food I sat and ate the food in the bar with people in the other tables. This for me is new and shiny. Yes, feel free to laugh, I know, it's a bit... but, anyway, eating in public when I'm not the only one there, achieved. Awesome.
I tried writing my name down but it only a bit works cause people need glasses. Which, you know, fair enough, but part of why life is complicated. And the word I stutter most of any word ever is 'Becca', partly because I has to say it and can't steer around, and partly because if I'm only going to say one word when I'm nervous it's usually an introduction, and partly because I've been stuttering it for so bloody long now I see it coming and get this feeling of rising dread so even if I'm not generally stuttery I get wound up about that one word.
Place names are another annoying one. I think I need to make flashcards for local place names. I can show my student card for UEA. Hmm, maybe my CCN card works for similar Norwich related purposes. I need a card for Dereham and for St Stephens Street. I hate that one, you can't even skip to a bit with no ssss, and it's where all the buses drop off and pick up. Course if you get as far as s s s then the bus driver can usually figure it out anyway.
I stutter much less lately. Once I get rolling I'm usually okay. But the trouble with the short exchanges, the who are you and where to ones, is there's no time to get rolling, so I just get stuck. I been practicing though, things work more, maybe I get better at it.
You know I used to do public speaking competitions? I have certificates. As I recall though our school was the only one that entered so there were only about three people in the room. I can manage that even now. Not so very much public then.
I'm babbling and not very interesting. I'll get my notes out and do a bit of a con report. Though it'll only be a Saturday report, because at the end of Saturday the notes say ALL DONE and there's an entire absence of Sunday written down.
Then I unwind all at once and sleep happens a lot. I only woke up at midday cause I'd set my alarm clock for checkout time yesterday and it were in my bag in the other room so I couldn't hit it without emerging. Which is good, cause the cleaner will be here soon.
The food will not, because I'm daft and forgot to order it in advance when I had brains and awakeness and stuff. I has food, but not the food I had planned to have. And I have very little soap left. I might have to actually leave the house. I took the soap to the hotel with me, because my experience with soap has included red up to my elbows and, on one memorable occasions, a fairly large problem with breathing, which was probably a panic attack but nonetheless no fun at all. Hotel soap is usually too plain to do that, but sometimes it gets pretensions.
My life is so fascinating.
The thing is though, I'm awake and coherent and stuff right now, so the no-sleep didn't actually do much. Splatted my mood into total miserable for a night, yeah, but aside from that, I got home fine. And I didn't tell the train places I was disabled this time, primarily because it tends to be very little use and assorted station staff turn up some time after I've left the train and, though this was only at Ely where they're nice, get in a flap cause they can't find me. Not in fact helpful. So I figured it out myself. And I didn't get panic or sick or anything. Well, a bit huff puff oh dear what's those shiny lights oh yeah my bag really shouldn't be cutting into my neck should it, but that's just carrying things when I have entire lack of fitness, not a big problem. Oh, and I was walking proper fast. This might not seem like much but I'm so very fed up of small childer and little old ladies with frames overtaking me while I plod along penguin style in utter exhaustion. Lately I've been overtaking other people! And, okay, most of those other people are about a foot tall, but I'll take what I can get. So I went places, at reasonable speed, figuring out platforms and stuff just as well as people without all the bits of paper that say they're daft, and I ate food at reasonable intervals in reasonable quantities, and I drank drink I hadn't had to carry with me half way across the country, and it was all fine. Pretty massive win really.
I still stutter all the bloody time. I tried writing things down. Some people in the hotel wouldn't look at my piece of paper. I would point at the paper and they said "Yes madam, what is your question?" and I had to try and make words late at night which never quite works out. I'm so very glad I can hear. They're always so unhelpful if you can't speak, I hate to think what they're like if you can't listen neither. But the bar staff were okay with written orders, *and* they wrote down the replies, which hardly anyone bothers to do, and that was great. And when I asked what was in a particular food they went and got the label off the box, which is waaaaay more helpful than the guy in the shop the other week who said 'mostly e numbers and things that are bad for you', though he was more amusing. And then once I got the food I sat and ate the food in the bar with people in the other tables. This for me is new and shiny. Yes, feel free to laugh, I know, it's a bit... but, anyway, eating in public when I'm not the only one there, achieved. Awesome.
I tried writing my name down but it only a bit works cause people need glasses. Which, you know, fair enough, but part of why life is complicated. And the word I stutter most of any word ever is 'Becca', partly because I has to say it and can't steer around, and partly because if I'm only going to say one word when I'm nervous it's usually an introduction, and partly because I've been stuttering it for so bloody long now I see it coming and get this feeling of rising dread so even if I'm not generally stuttery I get wound up about that one word.
Place names are another annoying one. I think I need to make flashcards for local place names. I can show my student card for UEA. Hmm, maybe my CCN card works for similar Norwich related purposes. I need a card for Dereham and for St Stephens Street. I hate that one, you can't even skip to a bit with no ssss, and it's where all the buses drop off and pick up. Course if you get as far as s s s then the bus driver can usually figure it out anyway.
I stutter much less lately. Once I get rolling I'm usually okay. But the trouble with the short exchanges, the who are you and where to ones, is there's no time to get rolling, so I just get stuck. I been practicing though, things work more, maybe I get better at it.
You know I used to do public speaking competitions? I have certificates. As I recall though our school was the only one that entered so there were only about three people in the room. I can manage that even now. Not so very much public then.
I'm babbling and not very interesting. I'll get my notes out and do a bit of a con report. Though it'll only be a Saturday report, because at the end of Saturday the notes say ALL DONE and there's an entire absence of Sunday written down.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-21 05:45 am (UTC)I found your journal looking for Torchwood fan fic and scripts - thankyou so much for transcribing! I live in Melbourne, Australia, so I download each DW episode after it airs in the UK - can't wait until they are aired here or available on DVD! (They have only just started the latest Doctor Who series over here on ABC, let alone torchwood) so even though I can watch them a few times, I really love getting the scripts and being able to read them on the train to work in the morning after I watch them, and I see all the scenes in my mind again, and your little comments are *pure Gold*! I'm also delighted by your reaction posts. I am a little behind on TW, up to episode 2/20 A Day in the Death, but have no friends in Australia obsessed enough to download/follow TW so closely, so it is lovely to be able to 'follow along' with someone else :-) Anyway - I loved reading about the convention you went to as well and have now found myself reading through your entire livejournal, and just wanted to drop a line to say Hi, and I see you have myspace so maybe I'll check that out too. Lotsa good vibes from a fellow DW-TW-Buffy escapist fan -
Cheers, From Esther
no subject
Date: 2008-07-21 05:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-21 08:20 pm (UTC)glad you like the comments, I always wonder if I'm wandering off the point rather.
my myspace is empty. if there's the kind of social I'm looking for on myspace I couldn't find it.
LJ has people. and writers. and comments and stuff.