(no subject)

It is annoying when the inside of my head does the thing. Because the lack of words for teh thing, for one. It's kind of like the thought process equivalent of what my DVD player was just doing that made me wiggle the cables, only wiggling the cables made it lose the signal entirely for a few seconds and go all green, and then it went back to static, and then pictures again. It's just glitchy static brain. But not with thoughts or specific anxiety or even what I'd identify as anxiety. Just... something. My brain. Doing the thing. It is unpleasant, but I lack strategies for fixing it, so it's just going to... be that way. Unless and until it decides different.

On the plus side, the thing where painkillers work is one of the world's better things.



Today I have really truly properly looked at every single bit of paper in the house, albeit very briefly, and sorted every last shelf, box and bag of them. I mean the bags are still full of random stuff that I just dropped back in the bag for lack of anywhere better to put random stuff, so this sorting process still needs a few more pretty boxes and a bit of a ruthless third sort, but, sorting has been done.

It always surprises and baffles me why I felt the need to keep much of this stuff.

I have got much, much better at just throwing away things that I don't need as soon as they come in the door. The problem stage is when they've formed part of a stack and sorting them out becomes intimidating, or slightly after that when I know I was keeping them for some reason but have forgotten if it was a good one.




I read like two more chapters of the fantasy epic I've been trying to get through and I remembered once again why I stalled on book 4. It's just more of the same and I utterly fail to care. The author leaves out all the good stuff. It says in the notes x and y are lovers? Since when? I have read three gigantic novels about them and followed them around for local years, but I've never seen them do more than hold hands and sit next to each other while talking about the kingdom. Feelings are things that people have, and therefore these characters are not people, and I fail to care. I don't care what they do when I can't see why they do it. The only one who actually has feelings where the text can see them is the one who considers herself evil because her unrequited feelings were the engine that motivated her to do evil magic. I'm starting to think the author thinks feelings are pretty much evil. And still, again, I do not care. So I'm going to finish the stupid book eventually, maybe, but these are really likely to go on the donate pile instead of back on teh shelf for another decade until I forget once again what I thought of them last time.


I watched the last two episodes of Angel season 2. It does some fun stuff, but once again the whole slavery theme only brings a black guy along for an audience and Wes keeps being put in charge of stuff despite Gunn having, you know, actual experience, skill, and charisma. ... I like Wes, but charisma is not a word I associate with him. Plus, like with Angel, in charge is not a good look for him, since he has certain ideas about what that role involves and they don't bring out his best qualities. Angel was fun in these though. I like how his ultra goofy self when they arrive in Pylea seems like just a joke, but then the beast turns up and its pretty clear that the human looking one is the no beast at all version. Angel without the growly side is vain and silly, and being heroic means setting aside concern about what other people will think of him. Him freaking out about them seeing the beast seems a bit daft though when they know all about the dead lawyers. I mean, demon looking shouldn't be a big shock after demon acting. Probably he gets a lot of leeway because pretty though.

I did get frowny at him for boasting about mutilating Lindsey. I mean, heroism, that isn't it. His actual job was helping Lindsey? Saving souls? That bit where he apologised to him for failing to save him was very recent but apparently not very heartfelt.

... I am fully aware that Lindsey gets all the extras for being most pretty, I don't treat the other evil lawyers by the same metric, that's why I segued from pretty to Lindsey. But even so, boasting about cutting his hand off is tacky.



I like how these Pylea episodes showcase the things you can do in genre TV that you can't do without adding the extra layers. I mean, sure, you can do stories about going home to your epically bigoted family, and feeling powerless around them, but they don't usually involve getting your head carried around in a bucket and paralysing them with the power of song. And that stuff is fun.



Cordelia not wanting to give her visions away is a backward kind of selfish. I mean, not wanting to leave them on another dimension, sure, makes sense. But wanting to keep them herself? Like there's not another way to help? Not letting other people help her. Making it so she has to stay the centre of attention, is the worst read on that one. But also tangled up like with Angel thinking that doing good is paying back, because Cordelia was not impressed with her own earlier self and thinks she's got some to make up for. And here, being down on her day job, acting like it's the visions that make her special. Because just caring about people without the mind splitting migraines is somehow not sufficient? But I think it is mostly Cordelia meant to be undervaluing herself rather than the story reckoning only the special ones can help. ... mostly. ... maybe. ... it does screw up on that front some. Because the actual point ought to be that none of them were special, and then they chose. Choosing is the important bit.



I should write stories. Then they'd work the way I wanted. And other people could complain about me.