On the whole, it's not you
Oct. 22nd, 2015 05:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beccaelizabethI get really, really fed up with the idea that your life is controlled by what kind of 'vibes' you send out.
You know the kind of thing, the mode of thought that says that positive thinking will change everything and what you send out into the world comes back to you.
Because I have a friend who buys into that bull wholeheartedly and you know what it does for her?
She feels bad. And she feels guilty about feeling bad. And bad about feeling guilty.
Because if your vibes control your life?
Every bad feeling you have is why bad things happen.
I keep saying that suffering is, life just happens, events happen and it has nothing much to do with us really a lot of the time.
But no. They'd rather have the illusion of control. Because then even though they feel bad about all the bad things they must be wishing on themselves and all the self sabotage that must secretly be underlying their life, all the have to do to fix it is smile more.
... I don't know where they're getting their spiritual guidance, but by the time it gets into their brain, good vibes aren't about compassion or kindness, they're about smiling and feeling good about the universe.
If you go out into the world a smiling happy person, happy things will happen!
... meaning if you're feeling bad about things that should in general lead to bad feelings in logic world, well, because your face isn't doing the thing, everything will be horrible.
... if I actually thought a single particular person was feeding them this bull then my pacifism would be sorely tried, but it's not that simple, it's a whole mindset.
And the thing is it leaves no room whatsoever for community or support, because you can't go around showing you're having a bad day, you can't feel sad in public, that is Bad Vibes and lo, the universe will be bad to match.
It's the worst twisted version of karma. What I know of karma says that suffering happens, but if you meet the world with loving kindness, you will be better able to cope with that suffering.
This twisted mirror world version says suffering happens because you, yes you, are not doing the thing with your face!
And sure, if you go around grumping at everyone, people will eventually feel less inclined to listen to it again. Except this person I'm talking about? They're always stopping to hear their friends talk about their chronic pain or their ill relative or, you know, human suffering, as applied to the whole rest of the human race. (They're doing pretty good on the actual karma front as far as I can see.) So I don't think it's the feeling bad that makes people go away. A lack of turn taking in the feeling bad stakes would do it, if only one bad feel is permitted at once, or a tendency to consider suffering a game of top trumps, or the kind of curled inwards last ditch endurance that doesn't have room to notice the world. But mostly? Humans have stuff happen. And the social ones get through it by helping each other and being kind.
Big smiles happy face isn't the most appropriate one when there's people in need of kindness.
Sometimes wandering around looking a bit sad and down just leaves room for other people to have their feelings too.
And no matter what you do, what your attitude is, how nice of a person you are, bad things will happen. Suffering happens. That's just how the world works.
Offering the illusion of control at the price of a whole heap of guilt is just awful and wrong.
And people who have bought into it and their lives are rolling along nicely right now?
(I'm thinking middle class Tory voters, but I know full well it's not just them.)
Those smiling people can be the absolute worst about kindness and compassion.
Because hey, don't think negative! Negative thinking just invited all this trouble in!
Blech.
Life happens. Stuff happens. Volcanos and hurricanes and all the random and time inflicted ills of mortal flesh. They happen no matter what expression you've got on. You cannot invite them into your life any more than you can think real hard to deflect them.
But you are not powerless. Because with wisdom and compassion, kindness and cleverness, together humans get on with things and make things better.
I'd really like it if more people understood that more better.
You know the kind of thing, the mode of thought that says that positive thinking will change everything and what you send out into the world comes back to you.
Because I have a friend who buys into that bull wholeheartedly and you know what it does for her?
She feels bad. And she feels guilty about feeling bad. And bad about feeling guilty.
Because if your vibes control your life?
Every bad feeling you have is why bad things happen.
I keep saying that suffering is, life just happens, events happen and it has nothing much to do with us really a lot of the time.
But no. They'd rather have the illusion of control. Because then even though they feel bad about all the bad things they must be wishing on themselves and all the self sabotage that must secretly be underlying their life, all the have to do to fix it is smile more.
... I don't know where they're getting their spiritual guidance, but by the time it gets into their brain, good vibes aren't about compassion or kindness, they're about smiling and feeling good about the universe.
If you go out into the world a smiling happy person, happy things will happen!
... meaning if you're feeling bad about things that should in general lead to bad feelings in logic world, well, because your face isn't doing the thing, everything will be horrible.
... if I actually thought a single particular person was feeding them this bull then my pacifism would be sorely tried, but it's not that simple, it's a whole mindset.
And the thing is it leaves no room whatsoever for community or support, because you can't go around showing you're having a bad day, you can't feel sad in public, that is Bad Vibes and lo, the universe will be bad to match.
It's the worst twisted version of karma. What I know of karma says that suffering happens, but if you meet the world with loving kindness, you will be better able to cope with that suffering.
This twisted mirror world version says suffering happens because you, yes you, are not doing the thing with your face!
And sure, if you go around grumping at everyone, people will eventually feel less inclined to listen to it again. Except this person I'm talking about? They're always stopping to hear their friends talk about their chronic pain or their ill relative or, you know, human suffering, as applied to the whole rest of the human race. (They're doing pretty good on the actual karma front as far as I can see.) So I don't think it's the feeling bad that makes people go away. A lack of turn taking in the feeling bad stakes would do it, if only one bad feel is permitted at once, or a tendency to consider suffering a game of top trumps, or the kind of curled inwards last ditch endurance that doesn't have room to notice the world. But mostly? Humans have stuff happen. And the social ones get through it by helping each other and being kind.
Big smiles happy face isn't the most appropriate one when there's people in need of kindness.
Sometimes wandering around looking a bit sad and down just leaves room for other people to have their feelings too.
And no matter what you do, what your attitude is, how nice of a person you are, bad things will happen. Suffering happens. That's just how the world works.
Offering the illusion of control at the price of a whole heap of guilt is just awful and wrong.
And people who have bought into it and their lives are rolling along nicely right now?
(I'm thinking middle class Tory voters, but I know full well it's not just them.)
Those smiling people can be the absolute worst about kindness and compassion.
Because hey, don't think negative! Negative thinking just invited all this trouble in!
Blech.
Life happens. Stuff happens. Volcanos and hurricanes and all the random and time inflicted ills of mortal flesh. They happen no matter what expression you've got on. You cannot invite them into your life any more than you can think real hard to deflect them.
But you are not powerless. Because with wisdom and compassion, kindness and cleverness, together humans get on with things and make things better.
I'd really like it if more people understood that more better.
no subject
Date: 2015-10-23 06:30 pm (UTC)Sometimes shit happens because other people made the shit
Sometimes shit just happens
And I absolutely hate people who say that if I would be just more chipper somehow shit will cease to be
no subject
Date: 2015-10-23 11:24 am (UTC)