May. 5th, 2017 10:33 pm
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
[personal profile] beccaelizabeth
So the thing with depression is:

I used to daydream about Ted Kord, science hero gadgeteer inventor and basically fun guy, funny and friendly and super dedicated to his best friend.
And then it was more about Tony Stark, billionaire science hero gadgeteer inventor, life of the party when he's wearing his public persona, working through PTSD and depression and fighting off alcoholism when he's just being himself.
And now I'm pretty much daydreaming on villains.
Harry Wells, billionaire science hero inventor and one time murderer because reasons, is only a little bit dark side
but Eobard Thawne is at least as interesting, once he's wearing Wells, and pretty much a serial killer.

And still the whole scientist inventor getting stuff done thing is a theme.

But I used to think I was the kind of person who could get along with Ted Kord and fit into that kind of superhero life, and then I felt for Tony and his screwed over life, and then I just... it's like I'd felt bad for so long I felt like I *was* bad, and then what?
Well then supervillains.

I mean, they might be murdery threats to your existence in an ongoing sort of way, but only on the grounds you get in their way, not because they're judgey.

And right now I wouldn't say I'm depressed enough my imaginary friends have dumped me, though that has happened before, but my daydreams do tend to stumble on the thing where I personally could not so any of it. Some days the superheroes in my head are just politely puzzled I want to hang out. Like civilian fangirl in the place, and daydreams of being a colleague do not work.

Supervillains probably have fangirls in universe too.

... but if they try and ignore me I can feel like I'm doing something helpful and moral if I keep turning up with plans to turn their work light side anyway...

And yeah they'd totally murder me, that... that would be a problem.

But hey, only because I'm too good! That's nice!

... so. My brain. Kind of a big bag of problem.

It also doesn't help that mental illness pretty much means supervillainy in some settings. Like, ptsd and depression are getting more common on team hero, but in general, there's been so many decades of justifying everything by saying They're Crazy, it... wears on one.

I don't know though, we've always had characters struggling with Stuff. Beetle ground to a halt and ate himself too big for his suits sometimes. Guy had brain damage to cope with, even if the comic treated it as funny. Power Girl's mood swings might have been a way to retcon her wildly varying characterisation but still, she had Stuff going on. ... the in universe explanation that certain metas and non humans react poorly to diet soda is... frustrating? weird? but a bit interesting? like, logically, sometimes it would make team hero more fighty and growly, and other times it would push new metas over the villainy edge, so there should be a big in universe ad campaign and maybe a push to ban specific sweetners. superheroes vs diet soda manufacturers. that could be fun.

wait, googling for chapter and verse on power girl found a bunch of non comic book stuff about diet soda sweeteners and mood swings. like, not science looking, but stuff. was that whole thing actually trying to be topical?

Still, you have to read heroes from very particular angles to find this stuff.

Villains are large print.

Villains are also often horrible human beings and I would like mu brain to go back to the Justice League, but some days are just too messed up already, so rogues it is.

Is also why I care about redemption arcs. Those aren't about what a character deserves at the get go, those are about reaching out to someone who feels they're so far out in the dark there is no way back, and showing them a road.

The cylical nature of comics means villains almost always fall off the wagon eventually, but then again they almost always come back for a team up eventually too. You see them zig zag along the line and ... okay, sometimes like the darker turns for their morally dubious but viscerally satisfying violence... but also keep thinking on how to fix things so they just stay where you could live with them.

I'm not actually generally dreaming on supervillains dealing out random violence.
I like the intricate plan guys.
Because clearly if I ruled the world I could get it working so much better.

... :eyeroll: ...

Redemption arcs have to be done careful so they earn it. They have to understand what they did wrong, just for starters. And it's weirdly kind of helpful if they give up on the idea they can earn their way back? Like, if they look at what they did, know it's super dark, accept that was wrong, and expect that's the deciding factor and they will pay for it forever... but then set out to do good now. If they're doing it for a reward, even the eternal sort, bank balance logic can creep in and make it seem like a few bads here and there get okay if then goods. And th point is to become the person who wouldn't bads.

A good arc starts out with caring for a few or even just one, and then widening the circle, until caring about everybody.

But not necessarily in the feelings way. Feelings on their own are minimally helpful, especially if used to justify shit. In the doing helpful things way is the necessary good.

Every time I see a character referred to as unredeemable or past the point of redemption I kind of want to launch into a theological lecture. As long as a being is free willed, they can choose better. And that matters.

you don't always have a good choice but you have a choice. and entirely too many stories try and talk as if that's not so. it's about power, and too much stuff is set up to persuade you you don't have any, because then you hand it by default to the people already in power.

sod that.

villains are also the face of sod that. especially if the heroes go too far and swing lawful evil. villains will remind them of the line.

But a lot of this theory sounding stuff is fancy justification for a simple thing:

when I feel bad I hang out with bad in my head.

And I try to make it better.


beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)

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