Show not Tell: The really long version
Jul. 4th, 2008 01:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beccaelizabethI'm thinking about volunteering as a beta reader.
I tried to read a couple of multi part stories and I didn't get all the way through either of them.
Both thought they had been beta read, but were full of spelling, grammar and punctuation errors.
Repetitious or awkward phrasing abounded.
And the show not tell stick had never been anywhere near them.
Okay, general rule of storytelling: If you choose the right incidents, you don't need to tell us what they mean.
In fact, since you have already shown us, telling us as well feels like repetition, and also like you're talking to us real slow in case we ride the short bus.
... I'm hot and tired and just a teensy cranky. I need to devote more time to diplomacy in phrasing. In fact this is why I don't do beta reading: I tried it once and it turned into a whole loud Thing and possibly someone hates me forever or something.
But what I mean is ignoring show-not-tell is not just less interesting, it messes with the pacing and disrespects the reader.
Assume your reader is as smart as you. Show them something happening. Let them figure out what it means.
Otherwise it's the equivalent of those moments on really low budget TV when they go 'Oh no, look over there, it is terrible horrible scary thing of doooooom!' yet we never actually look over there, so they describe it like they're on radio.
Actually that's another thing - I think of stories as primarily visual. This is why I want to go into scriptwriting. These here word symbols are excellent for things like essays and other explanation based writing. But if you put it into a TV show? You'd need a narrator, and it would take for-fucking-ever to get to the point.
So say you have a dramatic revelation: Your character holds a piece of paper. They look at it in shock and fear. When they realise they're observed, they pack up their feelings and go all professional and cold. They're even professional and cold to their lover. What has happened?
We have a mystery, and that pulls us into the story.
If you then stop and explain every reaction, you tell us: 'He holds a piece of paper that says xyz. he looks shocked and scared because of abc. he goes professional and cold because it implies def. This has happened.'
There is no mystery. There is no pull. We are bored, and have a bazillion other things on the big wide internets to read.
Even if you only have a few paragraphs to work with, even if it's a drabble, the art of storytelling is the art of *not* explaining *yet*. The only time having everything explained is okay is the very last line of the story. And if you're engaged in serial fiction you still want to have some threads to lead into the next time.
So you want to show us what has happened, you want to show us how people react, but you want to leave us asking questions.
Sometimes the question you want is only 'how will they get out of this'. And, okay, that's a story. But sometimes it's answered by the genre conventions. Lovers are annoyed at each other? Lovers will talk, forgive, probably have a lot of sex over several different pages.
Show us the sex. Don't just tell us it happened. Kiss and fade is well and good if tis that kind of story, but if you're writing a scene, don't just explain 'XY and XY had sex, and it felt great', *show* us 'XY touched him tenderly and XY melted into his touch'. Or, you know, something a little less purple and more detailed. Something like "He reached out hesitantly and covered his hand where it pressed into his knee. Other-he looked away. He rubbed a thumb gently across his wrist, ducked his head and rested his forehead on his shoulder. Other-he sighed, then turned to rub his cheek on his hair. Other-he put an arm around him, then let go of his knee, turned his hand over and clasped his. He sighed too, and, hesitantly, looked up again. Other-he finally met his eyes, and, after a long moment, his lips."
... okay, that sucks too, but, well, none of that says 'He is scared of rejection and Other-he actually kind of wants to reject him but they fit together eventually'. Except for all of it kind of does too.
And it draws the reader in in other ways. Identification and naturalism. Every time the narrator tells you something about the other guy for sure is a time you wouldn't know that thing if you were there watching, or being one of them. Well, you would if it was telling you yourself. Rephrase... To gather data about the world, we look and listen and taste and smell and touch. We do not look at someone and know in a phrase 'He is scared'. We look at someone and catalog a whole heap of little signals that say he's scared. If you want to write a report of something, you can say 'He was scared', but if you want your reader to experience the moment, you have to show them the signals.
And then you have to be confident you've chosen the right ones, and let it stand.
Show, don't tell. We the readers will in fact get it.
... and that was a bit repetitious, but so is my recent experience in fic reading.
I don't know if I'd be any good as a beta. I'm pretty sure I could proofread. I seem to be quite opinionated. It's just the deadlines and doing what I say parts of things that I'm not so sure of. And, you know, alienating writers forever.
I should rewrite this in the morning. And by 'morning' I mean 'that part of the morning that doesn't start with 01'. Or 02, which starts any minute now...
I tried to read a couple of multi part stories and I didn't get all the way through either of them.
Both thought they had been beta read, but were full of spelling, grammar and punctuation errors.
Repetitious or awkward phrasing abounded.
And the show not tell stick had never been anywhere near them.
Okay, general rule of storytelling: If you choose the right incidents, you don't need to tell us what they mean.
In fact, since you have already shown us, telling us as well feels like repetition, and also like you're talking to us real slow in case we ride the short bus.
... I'm hot and tired and just a teensy cranky. I need to devote more time to diplomacy in phrasing. In fact this is why I don't do beta reading: I tried it once and it turned into a whole loud Thing and possibly someone hates me forever or something.
But what I mean is ignoring show-not-tell is not just less interesting, it messes with the pacing and disrespects the reader.
Assume your reader is as smart as you. Show them something happening. Let them figure out what it means.
Otherwise it's the equivalent of those moments on really low budget TV when they go 'Oh no, look over there, it is terrible horrible scary thing of doooooom!' yet we never actually look over there, so they describe it like they're on radio.
Actually that's another thing - I think of stories as primarily visual. This is why I want to go into scriptwriting. These here word symbols are excellent for things like essays and other explanation based writing. But if you put it into a TV show? You'd need a narrator, and it would take for-fucking-ever to get to the point.
So say you have a dramatic revelation: Your character holds a piece of paper. They look at it in shock and fear. When they realise they're observed, they pack up their feelings and go all professional and cold. They're even professional and cold to their lover. What has happened?
We have a mystery, and that pulls us into the story.
If you then stop and explain every reaction, you tell us: 'He holds a piece of paper that says xyz. he looks shocked and scared because of abc. he goes professional and cold because it implies def. This has happened.'
There is no mystery. There is no pull. We are bored, and have a bazillion other things on the big wide internets to read.
Even if you only have a few paragraphs to work with, even if it's a drabble, the art of storytelling is the art of *not* explaining *yet*. The only time having everything explained is okay is the very last line of the story. And if you're engaged in serial fiction you still want to have some threads to lead into the next time.
So you want to show us what has happened, you want to show us how people react, but you want to leave us asking questions.
Sometimes the question you want is only 'how will they get out of this'. And, okay, that's a story. But sometimes it's answered by the genre conventions. Lovers are annoyed at each other? Lovers will talk, forgive, probably have a lot of sex over several different pages.
Show us the sex. Don't just tell us it happened. Kiss and fade is well and good if tis that kind of story, but if you're writing a scene, don't just explain 'XY and XY had sex, and it felt great', *show* us 'XY touched him tenderly and XY melted into his touch'. Or, you know, something a little less purple and more detailed. Something like "He reached out hesitantly and covered his hand where it pressed into his knee. Other-he looked away. He rubbed a thumb gently across his wrist, ducked his head and rested his forehead on his shoulder. Other-he sighed, then turned to rub his cheek on his hair. Other-he put an arm around him, then let go of his knee, turned his hand over and clasped his. He sighed too, and, hesitantly, looked up again. Other-he finally met his eyes, and, after a long moment, his lips."
... okay, that sucks too, but, well, none of that says 'He is scared of rejection and Other-he actually kind of wants to reject him but they fit together eventually'. Except for all of it kind of does too.
And it draws the reader in in other ways. Identification and naturalism. Every time the narrator tells you something about the other guy for sure is a time you wouldn't know that thing if you were there watching, or being one of them. Well, you would if it was telling you yourself. Rephrase... To gather data about the world, we look and listen and taste and smell and touch. We do not look at someone and know in a phrase 'He is scared'. We look at someone and catalog a whole heap of little signals that say he's scared. If you want to write a report of something, you can say 'He was scared', but if you want your reader to experience the moment, you have to show them the signals.
And then you have to be confident you've chosen the right ones, and let it stand.
Show, don't tell. We the readers will in fact get it.
... and that was a bit repetitious, but so is my recent experience in fic reading.
I don't know if I'd be any good as a beta. I'm pretty sure I could proofread. I seem to be quite opinionated. It's just the deadlines and doing what I say parts of things that I'm not so sure of. And, you know, alienating writers forever.
I should rewrite this in the morning. And by 'morning' I mean 'that part of the morning that doesn't start with 01'. Or 02, which starts any minute now...