(no subject)

[beccaelizabeth]

I just re-read my script after not looking at it for a couple of weeks.
I have concluded two important things.

(a) it's a bit rubbish
(b) I'm not sure how to start making it less rubbish.

The last 5 pages are everyone standing around arguing over a TV screen about, well, basically, made up politics and some real bits about racism. I think I've failed to make it so anyone would care. A 5 minute argument! Why care? So I could seriously trim lots of threads out of it and just leave it with one point. All that other stuff keep for later. And the one point it needs is the racism one. Except then it would go something like
"I believe my society is perfect! No really! Nothing you say can change my mind!"
"But isn't it a little bit racist?"
"oh noes, I must betray everything I ever believed in!"

Possibly I need to string the assorted arguments out in various points of the episode.
But I don't exactly see how.
And it would still be a fairly abrupt mind change at the end if she starts the last scene all "you can't make me", or a rather undramatic unfolding if she starts it already wavering.

So now I'm sulking.

Also, nobody I have shown it to has replied since. Maybe they got bored before the end. But saying that would also be useful feedback!

So. Anyway. Blah.

But still I have written a thing and it won't be the worst thing the BBC has seen and I can send it as it is and try again later with a new script.
Except I'd quite like to be a good writer and I think maybe I'm not.

All this studying at college and I can pull stories apart plenty well. Putting them together though I still not so very good at. And they cancelled the units as were supposed to teach it.

Blah. All done. Shall find something else to do.

Maybe watch Blakes 7 some. I was not-watching so I could make my own space dystopia, but I think having worked on it all summer I should have a pretty good grasp of my one now. Or I could watch Firefly. Or Farscape. Or lots of things.

What I have mostly learned from writing my script my way is why other stories don't do it like this. Get 8 characters with their own strong opinions together and have them all doing things in the same story? 5 minute argument. At some points, 2 page argument about should they press the 'open' button. I think maybe I should fix those points. *facepalm*

Comments

[msp-hacker.livejournal.com]

Could you send me the script?

[beccaelizabeth]

happily! If you will say where it sucks. Or if you read it. Or, you know, anything.

what email?

and what format? I've got one Word .doc then switched computers and have an Open Office version I just tweaked today.

[msp-hacker.livejournal.com]

twincityhacker @ gmail DOT com, and .odt file format.

[takenatwork.livejournal.com]

I think you've done well to finish your script, I've stalled on the one I'm trying to write. I'm guessing you're writing it for a TV show, but with so many arguments and dialogue in it, is a radio play out of the question? I could have a look at it for you if you like, but I know I won't be able to read it until the weekend, I've an electrician in re-wiring the place.

[beccaelizabeth]

I've been concentrating on impressive visuals, stunts, and moments where people say one thing and do another. Redoing it for radio... entirely possible, but a whole bunch of work.

[takenatwork.livejournal.com]

I did wonder if the visuals would be important; then no don't change it, visuals can sometimes convey more than words can ever do.