Today: ongoing
Mar. 17th, 2015 02:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beccaelizabethToday I have completed Sunday jobs (yes they dragged on a bit this week), had a bath, done half the vacuuming (the cleaner got here and it was her turn to use the vacuum, I still need to do the front room), filled and run the dishwasher, filled and run the laundry, took the sheets off and put them in the laundry basket, and had juice and toast for breakfast. And let the cleaner in and out again. That leaves like one job for Tuesday jobs and they'll be All Done. Pretty good going.
... unfortunately I'm stuck feeling like the sky is falling and keep on finding my fists closed so tight they're making fingernail dents. Since everything is in fact fine and nothing needs fixing except to do the rest of the vacuum cleaning it is quite difficult to make the mood go away.
I also need to go do shoppings because I'm run out of toothbrushes. I do not want to go do shoppings and going outside is not on the Tuesday list. But eating apple things is on the Tuesday list, and there are apple things if I go outside. It's tricksy. ... I'll probably end up with no toothbrush and no apples, but up until shop closing times you never know. And actually Tesco is open 24 hours, it's just I can't figure out how to get there without using the bus, the roads are all tricky. I do need to go up that way though because the energy saver lightbulbs aren't allowed in the bins so they have to go right to the recycling center, which google says is in that vague direction.
Everything was simpler when I had employee and support and so forth. I'm glad I still get my cleaner but I'd be really a lot more glad if, for instance, the social worker replied to my messages more than a couple of times a year.
I think my to do list got too long. It feels like when there's a big stack and they're all wobbly. But most of the to do isn't going to get worse if it's not done, it's just stuff like figure out what is in them boxes in that corner. They've been there at least 16 years, they're not going to go critical if they're left alone some more.
... I just went googling to find out if I wrote down on dreamwidth when exactly I moved in to this flat. I know I've been saying 16 years since the middle of 2014. Is it 17 years yet? I think I wrote it down on paper, which is... basically useless. I could phone the housing association and ask again, but 'I was just wondering' is not a great reason to do that. :eyeroll:
I know I've been trying to leave for more than five years. I've been trying on the HOLD plan for nearly 2 years now. Everything is more complicated than it looks.
When I started trying to move I just thought I needed a place to live, sort of in general, but somewhere nicer than here when measured in lack of violent crime and things being on fire. So in Norwich that pretty much means NR2, which is also the bit I've actually walked in, and which has the good bus links. Buses are necessary, and the buses in the vast majority of places do not run at the times I'd need them. Being near the student bus route is the best way to get anywhere. And then it turns out I can't manage the stupid stairs, so I need somewhere with stairs that are not stupid, or preferably somewhere that is all ground floor. And then I can't be having with gas, because panic. So after all that I've found precisely one place in a year of looking, and the vendors did not do the thing, so that place doesn't fit the rules, so the whole plan went poof. Like, house hunting is difficult enough if you're looking around a bunch of houses trying to find something you like. If you're disabled and looking for some very sodding simple things you need, well, difficult is not the half of it. And then it is all frustration and stuck.
And I know lots of people are worse off, I have a flat, it's nice having a flat, I'd just like a flat which I dared venture outside of, located somewhere I could actually reach friends and social groups.
grumble grump, tell the internet again, that'll totally help.
Okay, so, plan is waiting, HOLD is on hold, there is nothing to do today, I should just be calm and maybe make more toast or possibly food that is not toast because I hear humans need that to live.
... unfortunately I'm stuck feeling like the sky is falling and keep on finding my fists closed so tight they're making fingernail dents. Since everything is in fact fine and nothing needs fixing except to do the rest of the vacuum cleaning it is quite difficult to make the mood go away.
I also need to go do shoppings because I'm run out of toothbrushes. I do not want to go do shoppings and going outside is not on the Tuesday list. But eating apple things is on the Tuesday list, and there are apple things if I go outside. It's tricksy. ... I'll probably end up with no toothbrush and no apples, but up until shop closing times you never know. And actually Tesco is open 24 hours, it's just I can't figure out how to get there without using the bus, the roads are all tricky. I do need to go up that way though because the energy saver lightbulbs aren't allowed in the bins so they have to go right to the recycling center, which google says is in that vague direction.
Everything was simpler when I had employee and support and so forth. I'm glad I still get my cleaner but I'd be really a lot more glad if, for instance, the social worker replied to my messages more than a couple of times a year.
I think my to do list got too long. It feels like when there's a big stack and they're all wobbly. But most of the to do isn't going to get worse if it's not done, it's just stuff like figure out what is in them boxes in that corner. They've been there at least 16 years, they're not going to go critical if they're left alone some more.
... I just went googling to find out if I wrote down on dreamwidth when exactly I moved in to this flat. I know I've been saying 16 years since the middle of 2014. Is it 17 years yet? I think I wrote it down on paper, which is... basically useless. I could phone the housing association and ask again, but 'I was just wondering' is not a great reason to do that. :eyeroll:
I know I've been trying to leave for more than five years. I've been trying on the HOLD plan for nearly 2 years now. Everything is more complicated than it looks.
When I started trying to move I just thought I needed a place to live, sort of in general, but somewhere nicer than here when measured in lack of violent crime and things being on fire. So in Norwich that pretty much means NR2, which is also the bit I've actually walked in, and which has the good bus links. Buses are necessary, and the buses in the vast majority of places do not run at the times I'd need them. Being near the student bus route is the best way to get anywhere. And then it turns out I can't manage the stupid stairs, so I need somewhere with stairs that are not stupid, or preferably somewhere that is all ground floor. And then I can't be having with gas, because panic. So after all that I've found precisely one place in a year of looking, and the vendors did not do the thing, so that place doesn't fit the rules, so the whole plan went poof. Like, house hunting is difficult enough if you're looking around a bunch of houses trying to find something you like. If you're disabled and looking for some very sodding simple things you need, well, difficult is not the half of it. And then it is all frustration and stuck.
And I know lots of people are worse off, I have a flat, it's nice having a flat, I'd just like a flat which I dared venture outside of, located somewhere I could actually reach friends and social groups.
grumble grump, tell the internet again, that'll totally help.
Okay, so, plan is waiting, HOLD is on hold, there is nothing to do today, I should just be calm and maybe make more toast or possibly food that is not toast because I hear humans need that to live.