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beccaelizabethHappiness is waking up to a reply from the tutor saying not only is an extension no problem but I can have more time than I asked for :-)
now if I can just stop feeling sick all will be shiny
... mornings. not my favourite places.
Went to bed last night after I got home from college, still saw 0300 without sleeping. What up with that? I was tired. Believe me, very tired. But asleep? Nooooo.
... Somewhere in the back of my mind me and Jack and Ianto set up house together somewhere in Cardiff with a minimum of actual invading monsters and a maximum of sitting around on sofas watching DVDs. And then the Doctor dropped in and borrowed Jack for a while, and we were all *sulk*.
And then I re-ran the story with if Cyber-girlfriend was actually not fixed so she didn't go killing people or getting killed.
That's an actual interesting story there, because then she's basically paralysed and tied to the life support machines and it isn't safe to let her near a networked computer (is it? haven't rewatched the cybermens things yet, sounds a bit Galactica), plus the constant agony thing. BUT she isn't actually dead, and with a few bits of assistive tech she can work a TV or radio or whatever, even an isolated computer as long as it stays isolated.
... how long was she down there in the near dark? Did she ever get any input aside from Ianto visiting? He couldn't risk making a noise down there, right? And, er, she can't exactly wear headphones any more...
Sensory deprivation + agony = *shudder*
But there's stuff could be done make all that better.
And it is uniquely difficult to decide if she's capable of making decisions about her own care. I mean, all suggestions would have to be screened for being sekritly cybermens. Freaky nasty.
But there's also not-unique aspects of her situation. Not the only person to be in pain and paralysed. Just the only one with the shiny metal bits as the reason. So there could be pshrinks with relevant experience.
What interested me though was the potential effect on Ianto. The stresses of the long term carer. And if you rewind canon just a little, that was what he was living with, only with an added bonus of discovery meaning her death.
He had to do all the doings for her. If she ever wondered if she should maybe just die then he'd have to do all that for it to happen. You think they had that conversation? Or did she put on happy face for him?
But I ran it forward with cyberwoman in the basement becoming a team problem, maybe hiring some help. Because after that what you've got is a woman with some unique problems becoming resigned to the fact she isn't going to get better, or getting really annoyed in fact because she isn't going to be allowed to get better even if there might be a way. And her carer, who is utterly devoted to her. And them as a couple, and how they'd negotiate couple stuff when so much was messed up.
And, it being my brain, how they'd deal when Jack and Ianto fell in love. Er, and also with me, but that's much less fic-able.
See the dead girlfriend option is actually the *easy* way. There's closure. There's massive Issues and resentment, especially with the whole who exactly killed her thing, but face it, in my brain that way lies BDSM, not your actual obstacle.
(Not that it's a healthy way to do BDSM. Just... kind of pretty.)
... I think in Ianto's brain who killed her is a bit complicated. He had that emotion-real moment when he found her dead, and the deeply surreal moment where some white chick was claiming to be her, and then the zombie girl died. I think maybe his emotions wouldn't keep up. The part that would feel more real is recogniseable but dead on the floor Lisa, who pretty much did that to herself. And yet, with Jack's threats and having to watch the pterodactyl try and eat his girlfriend, Jack's part in it would feel pretty real too. So I don't know, he's probably messed up about that.
But even so, death means in some senses you can start putting stuff behind you. There is some emotional perception that new relationships are cheating, but it isn't actually true in four dimensions.
If she's alive in the basement, it gets much more complicated.
Because is he really going to spend his life just visiting with her?
No matter how much a brilliant person and partner she is, that can't be healthy. Shut in a box with the nicest person in the world is still shut in a box.
But not being there with her, especially after being the only one keeping her alive for so long, not being around someone utterly dependent on you... How hard is that to live with?
He had to do that every day, go to work and actually pay attention because he had a job to do, keeping team people alive. Or at least not accidentally driving the car into pedestrians. Lots of concentration required there.
And yet the temptation must have crossed his mind - if something happened to Torchwood 3, if they went the way of 1 and 4, he'd be left in charge... And nobody would be able to get in the way of using every resource there to her advantage.
... Unless there actually is some kind of oversight on Torchwood. I think the website hints there's a committee or something. But even so...
Secret out the bag, temptation removed?
Only if Torchwood are doing all they can. If they've put deliberate limits on it, well...
But imagine it all optimised, ignore the bitter resentment and the desperate determination to do something, get an extra carer in with relevant training and skills so Ianto can actually shift change sometimes and leave someone else he trusts with the duty... it is still bloody hard to go have a life. And also a total relief. And hard to cope with it being a relief.
And how much of a relief was it that she died? It was finally over... There's no room in the hero script for that kind of thought, but there's plenty enough room in the heart.
One off episodes aren't half way enough to explore the kind of emotional knock on effects that seem most fun to me. And episode-style action tends to leave less room for them too. If survival is the main priority then Ianto's angst isn't. Or Jack comforting him. And where's the fun then?
... of course really fun canon can certainly fit it in around the edges.
now if I can just stop feeling sick all will be shiny
... mornings. not my favourite places.
Went to bed last night after I got home from college, still saw 0300 without sleeping. What up with that? I was tired. Believe me, very tired. But asleep? Nooooo.
... Somewhere in the back of my mind me and Jack and Ianto set up house together somewhere in Cardiff with a minimum of actual invading monsters and a maximum of sitting around on sofas watching DVDs. And then the Doctor dropped in and borrowed Jack for a while, and we were all *sulk*.
And then I re-ran the story with if Cyber-girlfriend was actually not fixed so she didn't go killing people or getting killed.
That's an actual interesting story there, because then she's basically paralysed and tied to the life support machines and it isn't safe to let her near a networked computer (is it? haven't rewatched the cybermens things yet, sounds a bit Galactica), plus the constant agony thing. BUT she isn't actually dead, and with a few bits of assistive tech she can work a TV or radio or whatever, even an isolated computer as long as it stays isolated.
... how long was she down there in the near dark? Did she ever get any input aside from Ianto visiting? He couldn't risk making a noise down there, right? And, er, she can't exactly wear headphones any more...
Sensory deprivation + agony = *shudder*
But there's stuff could be done make all that better.
And it is uniquely difficult to decide if she's capable of making decisions about her own care. I mean, all suggestions would have to be screened for being sekritly cybermens. Freaky nasty.
But there's also not-unique aspects of her situation. Not the only person to be in pain and paralysed. Just the only one with the shiny metal bits as the reason. So there could be pshrinks with relevant experience.
What interested me though was the potential effect on Ianto. The stresses of the long term carer. And if you rewind canon just a little, that was what he was living with, only with an added bonus of discovery meaning her death.
He had to do all the doings for her. If she ever wondered if she should maybe just die then he'd have to do all that for it to happen. You think they had that conversation? Or did she put on happy face for him?
But I ran it forward with cyberwoman in the basement becoming a team problem, maybe hiring some help. Because after that what you've got is a woman with some unique problems becoming resigned to the fact she isn't going to get better, or getting really annoyed in fact because she isn't going to be allowed to get better even if there might be a way. And her carer, who is utterly devoted to her. And them as a couple, and how they'd negotiate couple stuff when so much was messed up.
And, it being my brain, how they'd deal when Jack and Ianto fell in love. Er, and also with me, but that's much less fic-able.
See the dead girlfriend option is actually the *easy* way. There's closure. There's massive Issues and resentment, especially with the whole who exactly killed her thing, but face it, in my brain that way lies BDSM, not your actual obstacle.
(Not that it's a healthy way to do BDSM. Just... kind of pretty.)
... I think in Ianto's brain who killed her is a bit complicated. He had that emotion-real moment when he found her dead, and the deeply surreal moment where some white chick was claiming to be her, and then the zombie girl died. I think maybe his emotions wouldn't keep up. The part that would feel more real is recogniseable but dead on the floor Lisa, who pretty much did that to herself. And yet, with Jack's threats and having to watch the pterodactyl try and eat his girlfriend, Jack's part in it would feel pretty real too. So I don't know, he's probably messed up about that.
But even so, death means in some senses you can start putting stuff behind you. There is some emotional perception that new relationships are cheating, but it isn't actually true in four dimensions.
If she's alive in the basement, it gets much more complicated.
Because is he really going to spend his life just visiting with her?
No matter how much a brilliant person and partner she is, that can't be healthy. Shut in a box with the nicest person in the world is still shut in a box.
But not being there with her, especially after being the only one keeping her alive for so long, not being around someone utterly dependent on you... How hard is that to live with?
He had to do that every day, go to work and actually pay attention because he had a job to do, keeping team people alive. Or at least not accidentally driving the car into pedestrians. Lots of concentration required there.
And yet the temptation must have crossed his mind - if something happened to Torchwood 3, if they went the way of 1 and 4, he'd be left in charge... And nobody would be able to get in the way of using every resource there to her advantage.
... Unless there actually is some kind of oversight on Torchwood. I think the website hints there's a committee or something. But even so...
Secret out the bag, temptation removed?
Only if Torchwood are doing all they can. If they've put deliberate limits on it, well...
But imagine it all optimised, ignore the bitter resentment and the desperate determination to do something, get an extra carer in with relevant training and skills so Ianto can actually shift change sometimes and leave someone else he trusts with the duty... it is still bloody hard to go have a life. And also a total relief. And hard to cope with it being a relief.
And how much of a relief was it that she died? It was finally over... There's no room in the hero script for that kind of thought, but there's plenty enough room in the heart.
One off episodes aren't half way enough to explore the kind of emotional knock on effects that seem most fun to me. And episode-style action tends to leave less room for them too. If survival is the main priority then Ianto's angst isn't. Or Jack comforting him. And where's the fun then?
... of course really fun canon can certainly fit it in around the edges.
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no subject
Date: 2006-11-30 12:24 am (UTC)Seems to me that in the show as we had it, there was a disconnections, or an ambiguity, between Lisa as she had been (loving Ianto and sharing decisions with him) and Cyberlisa who wanted to upgrade Ianto and had trouble understanding human reality. The confusion between the two is part of the horror for Ianto - losing what he loved in mind as well as body - but raises different levels of questions. Is a body more salvageable than a mind? Was it her actions which doomed her, or her intentions? How far was the Cyberwoman - or the 'she' underneath who was Lisa - responsible for her actions?
I found it interesting too that the emotional emphasis of the whole story shifted part-way through the story from Ianto's relationship with Lisa, to Ianto's relationship with Jack - equally passionate, equally conflicted, and equally a matter of life and death.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-02 02:55 pm (UTC)