beccaelizabeth: Captain Cold and Heatwave icons combined (Coldwave)
You know when you're actually OTP about your OTP?
To the point that reading about them in other pairings just makes you kind of miserable?
Even though canon has reeeeally screwed them over?

... yeah.

... *sigh*
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I remain a bit unwell. It is annoying. I look forward to finding food that will work properly. Which has been challenging. Which is annoying.

And then I have nothing else to say and don't feel like whining to the internet about it every day. I shall try to have thoughts instead.

... maybe later.
beccaelizabeth: Seal of Rassilon with bi pride colors (Seal of Rassilon)
Twelve and Bill Potts, and Nardole.

... I am feeling a bit slapped. I mean, we knew from the publicity she would be a lesbian, but Read more... )

I know it's Doctor Who and things are never simple, but I feel like this was sandpaper on the seat time. Like, if this is inviting more people in, it's a hell of a way to make them comfortable.

Read more... )


Calling it The Pilot and then emphasising that you can start watching here is playing at being clever. Silly having a pilot for an over fifty year old show. And yet necessary to reintroduce all the basic concepts every time.



I have not been as enthusiastic about Doctor Who lately as is my lifelong habit, not the newer episodes. And this has not changed my feelings there. I am left hoping they won't do this again, and might do better.

Not a comfortable reaction to what ought to be my favourite show.




If other people are happy then I'm glad for them, but they must have a different set of filters than I do, to see only happy making bits.





ETA: I feel it's probably relevant to my reaction that Read more... ) has literally been a daydream of mine for decades. It's a good dream. You get to do many cool things that way. But seeing it depicted the way it was here? Well that seems much less good. Why do that?
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
So I watched those nature documentaries today, including ones about speciation and weird bird shapes and so forth
and then I was looking at tumblr with all these pictures of all these humans
and I'm like
woah
all one species
so varied!

Like, we are smol and tall and skinny and wide and round and doritos and all sorts.

which is pretty cool


Read more... )




It would make a mess of laws because if new category then prior law doesn't apply, have to start again. like with aliens. or demons. or animals. there's definitions for some words and laws that won't apply to others.

is why metahuman is a dangerous label to invent, because temptation is to think all them human rights don't apply.



But probably it would be more like, humans decide to make themselves pretty with the bits of other species all the time, future does it via dna, oh look they're a whole new sort, but on a weirdly stretchy continuum of variation instead.

metahuman and mutant stuff loops back to disability eventually too.



but we are very varied and very inventive and historically very much inclined to try and borrow the good bits of other species
we're going to do weird things to ourselves
and it'll be interesting to see.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I asked mum if she wanted to eat a food and watch a tv
and we ended up watching two nature documentaries
and then having a chat for more hours.

I put on the birds of paradise documentary from the bbc iplayer as sort of a screen test
because if the tv can cope with nature documentaries with all those colors and the moving water and so forth it can cope with anything.

Nature so varied.
I always end up super mad at humans because so much less of it left so quickly
but I have to admit it's fascinating to see how swiftly all the arriving species can transform places.

also some of the plants in hawaii are basically doing terraforming
plants that can go to new islands and turn them into places more life can be
seems like humans should pay attention.

I still am not on the whole watching tv at broadcast times
but there's a lot more on the apps buttons than I bothered with on the computer somehow.

I like my new shiny tv now
I think.



I also think I have it set up to record Doctor Who tomorrow
and can maybe watch on a HD channel?
So I hope it's good.


But today had food and talking and new data about pretty things
so that was pretty good.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Hated it.
It's Suzie, so you know how it'll end, and then it doesn't do much very interesting on the way there.
And I know we're going to disagree with Suzie but still, the whole thing is judging what lives are worth the fight, and sod that.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
PC Andy saving the day as part of an assessment given by a ghost.

As with all the best Torchwood, both hilarious and dark. Humans doing the most messed up stuff for the most everyday reasons. And this human laughing while characters have really nasty stuff happen to them, because it feels like a hilarious run around when you can't actually see them die messy.

I continue to enjoy the Torchwood audios.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I did dancing, including attempting to learn part of a dance a lot more quickly than usual, and I got quite a lot of it. I like dancing :-)

And then there was shopping. Not enough juices so I substitued ribena, which maybe might work. But Sainsburys has new clothes season sales, so I got another nice plain black top for half price, and it was already pretty cheap.

Also I bought Rogue One, though it was sold out in its right place on the shelf, because someone had put one where Game of Thrones ought to be. Also there were many on a display later, but I thought finding it was funny.



... my life so fascinate...

I like Thursdays
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
It was sort of a timelapse history of humanity's first leap to the stars, all told in conversations between one of the project engineers and a simulation of his best friend. There was no warp speed, but stargates worked, so we had to be the gate builders with no shortcuts. Ben stayed behind to protect the project base on the Earth gate end, Cruz took ship and was going to sleep all the way to their nearest neighbour. But everyone that shipped out left behind an experimental imprint, an upload, that could run in then equally experimental VR. That way they could lend their expertise even while they were gone. So Ben started talking to that Cruz, and all we see of their world is these two, an aging engineer who starts out a dreamer but comes to think he missed his chance, and his eternally optimistic best friend, captured at the single moment he gave everything to give humanity hope.

So there was worldbuilding and politics, there were gates built on every continent before the ship left to carry their other halves to the new world, and initially investment was high, but it was going to take almost a generation to get there, and the gates came to represent what their olders had thrown away instead of investing in them. Inert lumps, the masses weren't believers, had no reason to be. And then one day things Ben comes in looking awful, low and like he hasn't slept in an age, and he has to explain to Cruz, they bombed the gates. Some set of radicals bombed the gates. And some of them didn't get through, and some only did superficial damage, but one continent? They used radiologicals. And that gate is now going to bake anyone who tries to use it. They bombed the gate and humanity is 1/8 closer to stuck here, and there's no fixing it, and he's just... so tired. Of guarding these things, and waiting on a future that's... it's going to be so alien to everyone who tried to build it.

So Cruz says show me, and Ben updates the VR. So now it's running like google maps, streetview plus, simulated three dimensional environments, all sorts of good stuff. But there's nobody else in their sim, it wasn't designed that way. So there's just these increasingly alien aesthetics in the new buildings. And Cruz likes wandering around as much as the next guy, but, he also knows he's in a sim. With really good physics. And a suit they used this to teach him to use that's meant to compensate for muscle wasteage but at full strength? Pretty much makes makes him a superhero.

Parkour!

So Ben, not to be outdone, brings his latest designs in to test out, and he's built himself dragon wings. So they're charging around this empty world, Cruz bouncing off buildings, Ben flying down streets that really never meant for this, and it's all golden awesome.

And like, it doesn't change the world outside, but that's not what talking to your friends is for. Whatever the world does, Ben has this. And he has hope again.

And then gate day arrives... and passes.

And then the extension.

And then all their margin.

And now? Now Ben is really low. Because his darling optimist best friend can't see it, can't change that much, the program would call errors on it. As far as he's concerned there's a dozen, a hundred, reasons for delays. They could still be on course. Have a little faith.

But Ben pretty much thinks he's lost his best friend. So he starts treating sim Cruz different. He's not just waiting, keeping on like they ever did. He's moving on.

So he kisses him, and Cruz kisses back, and it's golden.

But it's years. Years after gate day. Cruz the same young man he ever was, Ben getting distant and focused on the world outside. Thinks this is some kind of escape, all the things he never had. Doesn't believe there's future in it.

Then comes the day that light speed will show them what happened to the ship. And Cruz and Ben watch the feeds together. And it's textbook, it's perfect, the ship is exactly where it's meant to be, but only the automated stuff ever happened.

So the simplest explanation is Cruz just never woke up.

And Ben could hear that and go one of two ways. He could give up - on his golden time with his best mate - or...

But that's where the messages end. That's the last time the sim was woken up. There is no more.

On that end.



Years later than expected, out around a cosmically close star, Cruz wakes up, now the adverse condition is finally cleared out of the ship. And he gets his messages. And despite the sim's fears, he is incredibly happy with all the sim's choices. He'll take them on. He'll call them a memory. And he's walking around grinning, and his crewmates are like, why? Didn't Ben just dump you?


And Cruz is just, no. No way. You don't see it?

Ben is on his way.

He'll be here with the backup crew.

We just have to make it good for when he gets here.



So when the working day is done, now Cruz curls up with sim Ben, keeping him updated on the work they're starting, the planetary surveys and placing the gates, in total confidence he's on his way there.

Because Cruz is ever the optimist, and Ben is the engineer.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I think mass media is really bad for our sense of agency.
Or, you know, not, if you're the kind of person who does anything other than watch TV
so I mean my. My sense of ever being able to get shit done. My sense of being listened to.

Because the humans through the black window do not listen. They never, ever listen. And they never so much as do what I would want them to. Or, okay, yes, sometimes, fairly often episode by episode, but season by season or in who gets to survive or in character arcs as a whole or just in whose story the box thinks it is? Never.

It feels like having the door slammed in my face so damn often.

So this is a lot why I don't start so many new shows or listen watch as much as I could. I know it's going to give me scraps and then take them away. Why even start?

And I just feel so disconnected from characters I used to care about whenever the story they're given takes them so far away from whatever I used to value about them. It's like getting dumped by my TV friends. Again.

And it's usually on really important things like the shows being sexist and racist and hollowing out stories of some groups to serve others.

Or sometimes it's like in comics where storytelling is cyclical, so on the one hand you know your heroes are only depowered for now, or only dead for a cycle, but on the other you mostly don't get redemption arcs that stick either. Villain is villain is villain, sooner or later, no matter what they do or why they do it. There's no way out.

And a lot of the stories just aren't asking the questions I do. Don't see the same ethical dilemmas. Actually believe that humanity is a thing you can lose and rights are for people in the right categories.

Or the stories that do ask are just... really depressing.

I don't know.

I don't know how I'd fix things.

Make everything more Star Trek? Not recent kabooms Star Trek, make friends with everyone Star Trek.



But it just really grindingly gets to me that it's not me as gets to fix anything anyway. I'm just sitting here being small. The TV never listens.




And my solution used to be that I would write the better things and then my version would be so clearly better all the ther stories would change to match, but somewhere along the way I got too depressed to actually believe I even could.



I also stopped writing fanfic at some point, and that's a whole genre for getting the TV to listen to us.

Probably should go back to fixing that.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I woke up with this feeling like there's so much past and the people in it get further away all the time.
Big feeling, nothing to be done about it.


I also thought though that there's a logic of so far so good
by which we are immortal.

Like, if you have survived twenty years, then you know you can survive twenty years, at which point you'll have survived forty years, so you know you can do that again, and then you'll be at eighty years, and... so on and so forth.

It's bollocks of course, but encouraging bollocks, so there's that.



I shall find something to do in the here now and get on with today.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I like meditate
meditate makes me cheerful.

and I started out in a pretty okay mood today
so with the meditate
made of :-D

... still cannot sit still for long.
... need to spend more time at home attempting sitting, find a way that does not pins and needles anywhere, and then develop the sitting muscles which one seldom thinks about when one has a recliner.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
the dishwasher test bowls appear to be clean :-)
... the dishwasher has bubbles. I shall have to check some of the dials and so forth. make sure I used the right bottles.


if it continues to work correctly then I get to decide if I want a new one instead of scrambling to replace before I run out of things. yaay.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
So far today I have used the dishwasher cleaner thingy, wiped onside the dishwasher and wiped the filter, put everything back together, and started it washing a grand total of four bowls. Because if it's going to fail again it can fail those, and if it appears to succeed that'll be handy.

It makes a lot of weird noises when I stay in this room to hear through different walls. Very sci fi.



I still think I'll need a new dishwasher.
I might need new dishwasher powder since the latest set says new formula, but I can't remember how long I been using it anyway. Less than a year isn't a helpful measure really.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I figured out another problem with the Doctor Strange movie, specifically the casting and performance of Strange himself.

The movie is his transition into a strange new world, one he and the majority of the audience know not of. But he doesn't invite us in or make a bridge for our understanding. From his role in the world before to every nuance of his performance, he's as alien to us as the new world is, an arrogant mask that bounces us off without understanding or empathising.

That leaves no one to draw us in. It becomes spectacle, empty, beyond us. And if we're meant to react with awe, well, that's one way to go, but...

Read more... )




Marvel movies nag at me because they're playing with such rich ingredients but where they fail they fail... boring. Standard. Whitewashed and bechdel fail, sort of thing.

I'd rather they took more chances and failed more interesting, like the rich comics stew before them, but at their budget they're wildly unlikely to contradict orthodoxy even when the numbers say they really needed to.


Cast someone else as Strange - someone with the knack of showing characters the mask but letting the audience behind it. Cast him as the son of immigrants reconnecting with a culture he rejected, or someone cast adrift from his ancestral culture by the actions of colonisers and slavers, or someone who had to work twice as hard to be seen as half as good and has sacrificed everything on the altar of his talent because he knows how others have failed. Cast him as someone who gives an interesting, relatable, vulnerable angle just standing there, and you've got your way in to Strange, even as he tries to have a white man's arrogant swagger, and watches it all fall apart.

Instead they cast mighty whitey yet again there to school us on everyone else's beliefs, and it's just... empty. Without leaving us a space
beccaelizabeth: animated: Oz from Buffy the vampire slayer, looking at a piece of paper, then up at viewer, puzzled. (Oz)
I have had four hours sleep and am not best pleased with being awake.

also I need a tag for this magic world I made with vaguely GURPS rules where 'demons' are thaumaturgic or thaumic elementals. It's the one with the gender system that has nothing to do with bodies, where everyone is default assigned Person and can be binary later if they like.

I think I've been typing the notes in word and saving it local. I tired, journal can have this piece.

There's two sorts of magic, vitality and thaumaturgy. Vitality covers colleges to do with living things, so healing and necromancy, but also animal, body control, plant.

Particularly skilled adepts can go into the earth or become one with trees. So, Willow wouldn't just reach through the earth to get a particular flower and feel it is all connected, under certain circumstances she'd go into the whole plant system.

But it's a particular test of skill to see if they come back.

Read more... )
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
My dishwasher definitely did not wash dishes.
I don't know what the problem is but if food is on plates after two full washes then it's not working proper at all.
So now I have to figure out a fix before I run out of ways to eat things.

I have plates and things to eat on plates sufficient for a couple days meals I think.
I shall think of a solution before I run our of food.

Probably I will buy a new little dishwasher at the same shop as usual.
I usually go there on feet though and I was outside just yesterday and am not organised to try again today.
Also I used the phone today too and don't want to phone them neither even if I can find a number.


boo for things going difficult.


But there are clear and logical steps here, it's just organising support to take them that makes it all awkward.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I made eggs in the microwave :-D
They did not eggsplode, because the new device has a latch and a vent and seems quite clever.
They were very thoroughly cooked and possibly didn't need that much cooking, but I'd rather that than the other way, so.

Beans, chips, and eggs for breakfast
very success :-)

Now I get to wait and see if I made myself ill...
and also hope the dishwasher can cope with the cleaning of the egg thing.
Dishwasher is running right now though, so shall have to wait.

... my eggciting life...
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Also, and with less to do with feels, I have found some useful buttons on the new tv.
I turned off some kind of auto picture adjustment that was making it do a dark light dark thing as far as I could tell
and I found the button to turn off the picture and leave the sound on.


... which if I'd found it yesterday I wouldn't have bought the CD player.


It was three layers deep in on screen menus under key words I would not have thought of. I was looking to see if it had a button to raise the letterbox picture highr so subs are entirely under it. I still don't know about that one. But I can turn the picture off if I'm only listening. So that's grand.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Without a bus ride between the closing credits and trying to talk about it
all I can say about this movie is
gets me right in the feels.

I mean I'm fed up about Star Trek being whoosh boom at the same time as finding that some very satisfying whoosh boom. And stuff Kirk says about having to let the war be over. And the final demise of that guy who thinks 'struggle' can only mean armed conflict, and the way it was unity that beat him, and just the way the crew clicks an everything works. Feels!

... and then reality feelings, because it's not just Spock and Chekov
and wow am I overload now.



... and now I'm feeling more sympathetic about the Doctor Strange bad guy, because death sucks, and you would want to bring everyone you care about with you if you found the out. But the out is not to get rid of time. Stuff happens an we make choices and become. Hating that it ends doesn't mean it's worth giving that up. Look at what they did.

One day humanity is going to go into space and take these movies with them, the heart of their mythology.

... or, you know, we'll all go boom and die, but Star Trek makes me believe in a future, and that's pretty damn hard some days. Together we'll make it.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
That was... thin. Or perhaps flat. For something that talks so much about dimensions...

Read more... )

Empty signifiers and no roots.

Too busy to no good effect.





I'd rather watch The Librarians.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Today mum helped me go to argos to take back the games thing that turned out to be boring
and while I was there I bought a £25 CD player 'boombox'
because I'm sure there's easier ways if I can figure out assorted whatsits but since I haven't I just want to play my CDs without the TV.
The sound quality is what you'd expect at the price
but it does indeed play CDs
so I am quite content.

Torchwood: Zone 10
is an interesting adventure for Toshiko Sato.
The other voices have 'Russian' accents and I had to work to hear them, which made them a bit boring.
Tosh is on her own for an adventure, and it's a bit about how she's given up everything for Torchwood.
I was a bit puzzled by her being allowed to go to Russia on her own for an adventure given how she was recruited to Torchwood, but okays.
I think I liked it okay but it never quite grabbed me.


And now the bin men are doing their thing outside, so I'll think of something with no audio to do while they're loud.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I finished reading this issue of F&SF
and then I realised I'd mostly have to read the contents list to remind me what I just read.

The two memorable ones:

Read more... )


The book review section that started and ended with the reviewers reaction to the US election was also a bit memorable, though I can't remember what it said about the books.

It also means there's like six months between deadline and me reading stuff. I forget that paper has such a long lead time.


The rest of the magazine:

Ten Half Pennies
I found the protagonist deeply boring, so the story was too.
Also he finds out about someone using magic for rape, which is illegal even in the wizard guild, and all he does is use the knowledge for blackmail.
Also also it's the kind of story where characters are men and objects they do stuff to are women.

so much for that.


The Avenger
The basic problem with this is we're meant to sympathise with the rich guy who doesn't give his half brother a half share of his inheritance. I mean, the story sets up the brother to be a violent thug, but that's part of the problem. Who needs magic to punch down like that? Being rich means they've got all the options and yet chose to hire a magic hitman.
Everyone is extremely unpleasant and boring.


The Toymaker's Daughter
Girl has magic, girl is exploited economically for her magic, girl loses father and stops talking or doing or apparently thinking, until boy comes along to get her attention.
Sod that? How about, girl has thoughts of her own, doesn't need saving by guys?

A Green Silk Dress and a Wedding Death
A nasty corner of economic hardship is escaped by shagging wrong guys until she meets a magic one.
... really?

Miss Cruz
Can't remember this without reading the story again...
oh, it's the one where he discovers he can control minds and does awful things and then decides to stop. that's the whole story.
magic is used from powerless to authority, this time
but a lo of the wrapping seems entirely extraneous and didn't come together in my head to be interesting.

Daisy
A PI is hired to go look for a pet octopus.
Not bad, but I felt like it didn't have any possibilities other than the one that turned out true, and then spent the whole story telling the thing I guessed up front.
Which guess was cued by the bit in italics above the story. Read more... ) No more twists left.



So, issue didn't wow me, in whole or in parts.

Maybe next month.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
It bothers me when writers use holy items without regard to the theology of that particular religion.

I mean sometimes it's because different denominations can't agree which way is up, let alone what's the significance of this, that and t'other.

And sometimes it's just being rude.

But it bothers me because it's sloppy storytelling, bringing up all these associations and then just shrugging them off because Our Thing Is Different.

The specific associated theology implies morality implies which actions make our heroes heroes. They can go with or against that, but to have it hanging around ignored is... tacky.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I see a lot of arguments about economics that seem to be based on 'fairness' and how it isn't 'fair' to make x group support y group
but I get super mad when it's applied to corporations and like pensioners and children and so forth.

Like, dude, if full time work cannot support a worker from adulthood to the grave while they raise replacement workers, with a margin for supporting those who turn out not to be able to work full time, and necessarily including supporting those who support children etc

if full time work does not actually let your workers live

then a company is not paying it's own damn costs.

Seriously. That right there, your workers alive, is part of the costs of a business.

If the only way those workers can survive, at any point in their lives, sick leave or pensions or infancy, anywhen, if the only way they can survive is government support?

companies got to pay the government for the costs they've shoved off on it.

or else the business has failed and it's being propped up by the government.

no in betweens.



see also privatising profits while socialising risk, and how it skews hell out of the economy.




The robot revolution we need to worry about will change that cost, but the problem there is often just getting resources for the cost of extraction and manufacture, rather than including what usually gets shrugged off as environmental costs, and disposal or recycling, and somehow putting a price tag on how much of the actual resource it's using up in a finite system. Too many of the costs get shrugged off as invisible or, again, dumped on the government. Not making businesses pay tax sufficient to cover environmental regulation is, again, letting them get away with not paying all their own costs. Business has failed, government is propping it up.




I get really mad at economics that focuses too small to even make sense.



... I mean I daydream space colonies, and those are small, but in the sense that you can't get away from your consequences so they get really damn clear. Problem with some economics is focus too short small, consequences fall outside it, but consequences still real.

... and then we're screwed, by actions we had little to no control over.





I know I'd be awful at politics in the getting things done way, but so much of the time I read a real world thing and just want to... shout at people, mostly. Get them to pay attention. We're going to be up to our necks in consequence before people higher up the hill deign to notice, and that's just a really bad feedback loop.

Must think of something productive to do.

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