Who I am in the Buffyverse
Feb. 10th, 2005 06:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beccaelizabethSomeone on the S3 board asked:
Just out of curiousity, which Buffyverse/Angelverse/Firefly character do you see yourself in the most? Honestly.
And my answer got really long and a lot more about me than about Buffy characters, so I'll stick it here and go back and make one that more answers the question there.
With the stuttering and the attention to special interests, Giles. Except I'm fairly sure his behaviour is learned not built in. And he's a hell of a lot more physically coordinated than I am. Tara's little mime boxing is about the best I'd be able to do too. Tara also with the stammering and the special interests, but she was just plain nice. I tend towards snark.
Fred in her agoraphobic phase struck a chord. My math skills seem to have evaporated and I was never that into Physics, but the general scared science girl, I was that back when I was 19. Only it wasn't a good fit so no more science now.
Andrew, obviously, I mentioned, I fear I am him. But I think I've always avoided being outright delusional. I think. I'd have to ask my pshrink I guess. The thing with the imaginary bodyguards doesn't count because I knew they were imaginary. And the thing with the alien abduction was basically just a theory to pass the time. And the bit where my characters talk to me is normal for a writer. Really.
Anya's speech patterns, her total blindness to audience or place or time, that I also worry looks like me. I'm working on it, and my favourite subject isn't vengeance (though for a while it was decapitation, and strange deaths are still interesting). But still... that whole thing where she doesn't really know the rules, too much familiar.
Mostly trying to figure this out I get hung up on how much more functional than me they all are. Which isn't supposed to be the point. I have many good qualities. Like, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't run away during an apocalypse. For a start it wouldn't really help, seeing as the end of the world is everybody's problem whether they turn up or not. But mostly because I'd want to help. I'd probably faint and me with a sword would be the wrong kind of dangerous, but find me a place where I could stay still and use ranged weaponry and I'd be there.
I think my most useful trick is one all the characters demonstrate sometimes - I think around corners. At least, everyone else thinks I think around corners. From where I'm standing it is a straight line. I don't so much think outside the box as fail to perceive the box in the first place. So there have been times I've been good at troubleshooting, because other people skip steps through assuming stuff without noticing, and I do all the steps. Same reason I proofread - I have a tendency to see what is there, not what ought to be there. Another thing all the Scoobies do, but the rest of Sunnydale is not so good at.
Also I like making the kind of plans where I can sit down and figure things out from the start. What have we got, what do we need, how do we get there from here. Redefining what the goal is if the original phrasing has made assumptions that aren't necessarily so. Logic. Is fun.
What I'm really not very good at is the five minute kind of plans, and really really bad at the react-now kind. I have to stop and reboot from start. But when I do, I tend to get where I'm going. Even if where I'm going is somewhat odd. Like the plan that ended up with me talking to David Duchovny on the phone. That was somewhat unlikely, yet it worked.
Related to this I can plan around a particular set of abilities. I don't stop at 'can't', like 'is on wheels, can't go here', I keep going until I know what extra it would take to make it happen. Like, Spike at the start of season 5 can't touch anything. Doesn't mean he can't *do* anything. If machines can hear him, he can talk-type, and voice activate all kinds of things with the right remote control. If they can only see him then he needs a switching system that uses visuals. Once he starts being able to push things he needs like (meta)physical therapy, like those toys with the beads and places to push them. Light and achievable. Rewarding. Instead of frustrating when he tries to pick up planks and it doesn't work yet.
I'm a good idea-translator, once I have enough data to understand it myself. I can often turn an idea around to explain it to different people. Comes from having an autistic brother with special school friends, parents who dont quite 'get it' in their own ways, and a brain that has to translate from standard english and neurologically typical thinking just to manage the day to day. *Lots* of practice. Plus I like helping people. I could end up more of a Lorne type. Not so much the great social skills life of the party guy (so very not that) but the part where he listens and tries to help people to the good path. Often explaining what the good idea is takes quite a bit of translating, because they have only the one story they are trying to be in and don't see the possibilities or drawbacks.
But that kind of one on one help is really exhausting. I wouldn't want to be alone doing that work. All my helpful people work in teams, for the reason then they have helpful if they need it too.
A lot of that stuff I don't see exactly in one Buffy or Angel character. I'm sort of a me, basically.
And yeah that got really long. I started really depressing myself with the can't-do comparisons, so I went and typed the others.
Just out of curiousity, which Buffyverse/Angelverse/Firefly character do you see yourself in the most? Honestly.
And my answer got really long and a lot more about me than about Buffy characters, so I'll stick it here and go back and make one that more answers the question there.
With the stuttering and the attention to special interests, Giles. Except I'm fairly sure his behaviour is learned not built in. And he's a hell of a lot more physically coordinated than I am. Tara's little mime boxing is about the best I'd be able to do too. Tara also with the stammering and the special interests, but she was just plain nice. I tend towards snark.
Fred in her agoraphobic phase struck a chord. My math skills seem to have evaporated and I was never that into Physics, but the general scared science girl, I was that back when I was 19. Only it wasn't a good fit so no more science now.
Andrew, obviously, I mentioned, I fear I am him. But I think I've always avoided being outright delusional. I think. I'd have to ask my pshrink I guess. The thing with the imaginary bodyguards doesn't count because I knew they were imaginary. And the thing with the alien abduction was basically just a theory to pass the time. And the bit where my characters talk to me is normal for a writer. Really.
Anya's speech patterns, her total blindness to audience or place or time, that I also worry looks like me. I'm working on it, and my favourite subject isn't vengeance (though for a while it was decapitation, and strange deaths are still interesting). But still... that whole thing where she doesn't really know the rules, too much familiar.
Mostly trying to figure this out I get hung up on how much more functional than me they all are. Which isn't supposed to be the point. I have many good qualities. Like, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't run away during an apocalypse. For a start it wouldn't really help, seeing as the end of the world is everybody's problem whether they turn up or not. But mostly because I'd want to help. I'd probably faint and me with a sword would be the wrong kind of dangerous, but find me a place where I could stay still and use ranged weaponry and I'd be there.
I think my most useful trick is one all the characters demonstrate sometimes - I think around corners. At least, everyone else thinks I think around corners. From where I'm standing it is a straight line. I don't so much think outside the box as fail to perceive the box in the first place. So there have been times I've been good at troubleshooting, because other people skip steps through assuming stuff without noticing, and I do all the steps. Same reason I proofread - I have a tendency to see what is there, not what ought to be there. Another thing all the Scoobies do, but the rest of Sunnydale is not so good at.
Also I like making the kind of plans where I can sit down and figure things out from the start. What have we got, what do we need, how do we get there from here. Redefining what the goal is if the original phrasing has made assumptions that aren't necessarily so. Logic. Is fun.
What I'm really not very good at is the five minute kind of plans, and really really bad at the react-now kind. I have to stop and reboot from start. But when I do, I tend to get where I'm going. Even if where I'm going is somewhat odd. Like the plan that ended up with me talking to David Duchovny on the phone. That was somewhat unlikely, yet it worked.
Related to this I can plan around a particular set of abilities. I don't stop at 'can't', like 'is on wheels, can't go here', I keep going until I know what extra it would take to make it happen. Like, Spike at the start of season 5 can't touch anything. Doesn't mean he can't *do* anything. If machines can hear him, he can talk-type, and voice activate all kinds of things with the right remote control. If they can only see him then he needs a switching system that uses visuals. Once he starts being able to push things he needs like (meta)physical therapy, like those toys with the beads and places to push them. Light and achievable. Rewarding. Instead of frustrating when he tries to pick up planks and it doesn't work yet.
I'm a good idea-translator, once I have enough data to understand it myself. I can often turn an idea around to explain it to different people. Comes from having an autistic brother with special school friends, parents who dont quite 'get it' in their own ways, and a brain that has to translate from standard english and neurologically typical thinking just to manage the day to day. *Lots* of practice. Plus I like helping people. I could end up more of a Lorne type. Not so much the great social skills life of the party guy (so very not that) but the part where he listens and tries to help people to the good path. Often explaining what the good idea is takes quite a bit of translating, because they have only the one story they are trying to be in and don't see the possibilities or drawbacks.
But that kind of one on one help is really exhausting. I wouldn't want to be alone doing that work. All my helpful people work in teams, for the reason then they have helpful if they need it too.
A lot of that stuff I don't see exactly in one Buffy or Angel character. I'm sort of a me, basically.
And yeah that got really long. I started really depressing myself with the can't-do comparisons, so I went and typed the others.