(no subject)

I've been having one of my intermittent attacks of why does it matter and what am I doing here. Mostly focused on the college thing. I mean, I like college, mostly. I'm learning stuff, mostly stuff I actually want to learn. This is of the good. But when I think of why I want to learn then I only think of writing, and if I'm doing college stuff I'm not writing. My current plan therefore involves six years of not writing, or writing once in the summer holidays, or whatever.

I'm getting a need to write that is building up to be greatly resembling a need to eat. Only sort of the other way around, except that's kind of gross.

And when I say write, I don't mean anything useful like assignments.

I want to write stories. The stories that matter.
Which, for me, usually means ones that balance out the kind of crap I complain about on TV.

So the more there is to complain about, the more I want to write.

Tonight I'm having to remind myself of the thing where it is nearly two in the morning, because what I really want to do is get the laptop out and start writing.


I have this bunny that isn't even fanfic. Is about this healer guy and his boyfriend who's kind of a bit of an angel.
My main problem with it, apart from the way the plot came apart and reprioritised when I wasn't looking so I have to start the outline over from scratch, is that the healer is meant to be a modern day ER doctor, and that means setting parts of it in a hospital and having him do doctor stuff.

I don't watch medical dramas. They creep me out on a level only slightly less pronounced than the serial killer thing. Or actually a bit worse, in some ways, because the serial killer thing I can wave a sword at, but illness is sneaky.

Which is why I want to invent a magic guy who can heal it all, obviously. Though to make it a good story I don't want him to just easily wave a hand and heal everything, there has to be some kind of cost and consequence thing going on. But, I want a character who heals.
And I want stories where it is about healing not killing and where the enemy is that thing where things fall apart and some people try to make it happen.

Has there ever been a fantasy or SF show focused on a medic? I'm trying to think of one. I mean there's the Doctor in Doctor Who, but he isn't exactly medical.
There's all these things like ER and Casualty and Holby City and... well, bazillions of others like that. People watch medical shows. So why are all the genre shows I can think of military or detective?

ANYways

I'm wondering if I should give up on the bunny.

I mean, theoretically I could do research sufficient to fake it. I could watch a couple of episodes of ER, take a couple hours tops. But as I mentioned, it has a bad effect on my mental health. The few eps of ER I watched have contributed disproportionately to my nightmares.


I just... You know what would be really good? If there was some kind of bunny swap meet, where I could find someone who was interested and capable of writing about my queer magic medic and they'd have a bunny that was... I don't know, the only area I've got actual expertise is more like queer cultural studies mature student stuff, and I do tend to write away from that.



I want to go live in the worlds in my head for a while. Hide under duvet not quite necessary, but I'm feeling the need to put on a season of a show I already know I like, let some plot bunnies out to play, and just do me thinks for a while.

But I have to do drama homework tomorrow, and drama class on tuesday, and that dumb assignment before friday. So I can't do that.

Bloody unhelpful linear time.

(no subject)

You know how sometimes your random playlist just manages to reflect your mood?
Today mine keeps alternating between The Cure and Nine Inch Nails.
And I am indeed both mopey and angry.


I had a bath, which was nice, and the bath went bright red, which remains disturbing no matter how many times it happens. But my hair is now clean.


Next I need to go get stuck in to a play and some related reading. Because class is tomorrow and we need to have done preparation this time.

Whyfor my bad brain week always with actually being needed coincides?
Bad design. I yell at creator.

sex=yaay please

I've read a bunch of people saying that sex=death only because this is horror/SF/fantasy in dark mode and therefore everything =death.

I would disagree. Or at least call that very limited.

What happens with horror is that Big Scary Things happen, and then are somehow resolved/defeated.

The kind of horror I don't deliberately watch resolves it with a final massacre and the bad things winning. Which, you know, could be seen as leaving no one with a problem, except for that thing where usually they're ghosts trapped in hell by then, which obviously sucks.

But resolution does not always =death.

I can't believe I'm holding this up as a good example but the film I watched the other night, 13 ghosts, ( Read more... )

So here you have resolution = love and life and stuff.

The thing is, with sex=death then sex is being presented as the problem. And death as the solution. The sex is the upset of the status quo and the death is how things are returned to equilibrium at the end. And that's just dead creepy.

You can equally well write very dark stories where death is *the bad thing* and sex is *the good thing*. You get a whole redemptive power of love thing going on at the end. You can still have all kinds of scary, creepy, dangerous, you can have zombie attacks or creepy ghosts or aliens that hatch out of your chest or anything else horror-sf-fantasy.

You just have, fighting it all, love and loyalty and all that good stuff. Including sex. There's some real powerful sex magic that should = life.

But no. We get =death all over the place. Death is the way the story gets solved over and over, kill the bad thing.

One reason I like ghost stories is you *can't* kill the bad thing so you *have to* do something else. Much more productive.

I want some stories where the horror is outside and good guys fight it. And they think about moral issues, maybe talk them through a lot or have people acting on both sides, lots of room for shades of grey. But on account of being a team, being connected, they do not become the monsters, because being people helps you stay a person.

I don't know if that isn't 'dark' or 'gritty' or 'adult' enough to please whatever audience they're aiming at. But I would like to watch more stories where love and sex = yaay and life.

Torchwood 1x07 more thoughts, less rant

Couple of thoughts - music continuity: ( Read more... )

recurring plot elements ... once again we have a ( Read more... )