October dreams
Oct. 17th, 2013 02:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beccaelizabethLast night I had the oddest mix of really daft random dream stuff and sort of bittersweet ghost story. It's put me in an odd mood today.
It was one of my usual dreams where I'm at a convention, so I couldn't find my hotel room and kept getting lost in corridors and ended up in the main hall in my pyjamas, and then there was the part where I had to climb a diagonal balance beam to get to breakfast, but then at the top the beam was hooked over the breakfast counter, so I either had to climb right through breakfast and squish the food or try and figure out how to get a proper breakfast without sliding back down this balance beam. Total slapstick in my sleep.
But the convention guests were all people from the overlapping sets 'people I have tried to get an autograph from' and 'people who have died'.
... It's a very odd feeling to realise there are more than a handful of people like that already.
I felt weird in the dream, like I missed them and should have spent more time with them, but when that time consists of conventions and signing queues, how could I get more? Follow them around the world more? And it feels like an awkward kind of sadness, like they weren't mine to miss or something, except that's not how being sad works.
And now I'm thinking, is that an afterlife for actors? The con that never ends? The adulation of the crowds at the peak of their popularity, mixed in with that long enduring feeling from years or decades of doing this and seeing the same people, and their kids, and quite possibly their grandkids. It'd be the convention to end all, but it's the ultimate in closed canon fandoms. No more new stories, ever again. Which is part of why I can't get my head around heaven. If things are over, how is it happy? I don't get happy endings, they only work as the beginning of something else. So if the afterlife party is also the one where you get to know for certain sure your career is in fact over... I don't know, sounds more like ghosts than heavens to me.
But then again, the cabaret. Put that many actors in a building together, give them a stage, give them a crowd that already loves them at the same time as being more critical than anyone not a fan even bothers to be... you're going to get a show. One hell of a show.
*raises a glass*
They'll live forever in memory, and DVD.
It was one of my usual dreams where I'm at a convention, so I couldn't find my hotel room and kept getting lost in corridors and ended up in the main hall in my pyjamas, and then there was the part where I had to climb a diagonal balance beam to get to breakfast, but then at the top the beam was hooked over the breakfast counter, so I either had to climb right through breakfast and squish the food or try and figure out how to get a proper breakfast without sliding back down this balance beam. Total slapstick in my sleep.
But the convention guests were all people from the overlapping sets 'people I have tried to get an autograph from' and 'people who have died'.
... It's a very odd feeling to realise there are more than a handful of people like that already.
I felt weird in the dream, like I missed them and should have spent more time with them, but when that time consists of conventions and signing queues, how could I get more? Follow them around the world more? And it feels like an awkward kind of sadness, like they weren't mine to miss or something, except that's not how being sad works.
And now I'm thinking, is that an afterlife for actors? The con that never ends? The adulation of the crowds at the peak of their popularity, mixed in with that long enduring feeling from years or decades of doing this and seeing the same people, and their kids, and quite possibly their grandkids. It'd be the convention to end all, but it's the ultimate in closed canon fandoms. No more new stories, ever again. Which is part of why I can't get my head around heaven. If things are over, how is it happy? I don't get happy endings, they only work as the beginning of something else. So if the afterlife party is also the one where you get to know for certain sure your career is in fact over... I don't know, sounds more like ghosts than heavens to me.
But then again, the cabaret. Put that many actors in a building together, give them a stage, give them a crowd that already loves them at the same time as being more critical than anyone not a fan even bothers to be... you're going to get a show. One hell of a show.
*raises a glass*
They'll live forever in memory, and DVD.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-18 06:13 pm (UTC)horrifically angsty and painfulshow.