conversation skills

[beccaelizabeth]

I have been pondering
and I think my conversations should go a bit more like this:

*listen listen listen*
I hear this thing you said!
I repeat bits back and comment!
I have a shiny thought it makes me think of!
*listen listen listen*

or, and fairly importantly,

*listen listen listen*
I hear your problems
I have much sympathy
I would like to fix them
but cannot think of anything useful.
Have a shiny! They're distracting! Also, fun.
(If not fun, there's always another shiny.)
Still sad? I sad too.
... shiny?



... as it is I tend to skip straight to Shiny! because, you know, in my head it's the same thing. But, um, in the outside my head world it is not the same thing at all, and can rather give the impression I'm not listening.
Especially since problem I can't fix tends to make me go hide instead.

But I'm listening/reading/being very interested really, and only listen/read the people I do because I actually want to (and not, as I may accidentally imply, the people that happen to be around when all the other people went away, because there are actually people but these are the people who are still around and I want to talk to) and I offer shiny much the same way I offer food and drink and small presents, because it's the best I can think of to do.



This is why fandom works better, because if I just bring the shiny, it still kind of mostly works out.

It's the feedback problem, basically. Like, reading and offering the drabble it made you think of is yaay, but, reading and offering *feedback* is much more yaay. And I need to remember that when it is talky words too.




/very obvious


(also, when I mean to say "yaay to see you! see you more is yaay!" then I should not say it in the way that sounds like telling off. Like, "yaay this story part!" is nice but "boo why don't you write quicker" is not. Oops.)

Comments

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

*points at icon quietly*

[beccaelizabeth]

:-D

[laligin.livejournal.com]

Shiny is good. Now I want to talk to you in reality! *pouts*

[beccaelizabeth]

cool :-)

don't know if I really do reality, but conventions have talking in them.

[laligin.livejournal.com]

Good point! And I've taken notes on the Bad Wolf one in July... ;)