beccaelizabeth's dreamwidth journal

I was reading a couple news items about a survey that reckoned it revealed depression in a quarter of teenagers
and one thing that stuck in my mind to bother me
was they took a statement something like "I will never be as good as other kids"
to be a sign of depression.
Actually I double checked and it's “I thought I could never be as good as other kids.”

Thing is, when you're in school, everyone being graded all the time, you get a pretty good idea of if you're getting top grades or not, and what your range is, and how well your best is going to be received. And you know if you are actually as good as other kids. Because half of people are below average, and not as good... at things they're asked to do and be assessed on.

So, like, the phrasing is so broad it doesn't invite a nuanced answer, and it's trying to pick up on low self worth, but it's got nothing they mentioned to check how realistic they're being if they're interpreting it in grades A-C or other quantifiables.

And it shouldn't be that you hate yourself as a person for low grades, but if acknowledging you have low grades is taken as a sign of mental illness, that is a whole different problem. Like, realism isn't illness.

And maybe some people are good at some things and not others, and maybe some people are good at some socially or financially valuable things and not others, and it's a whole stack of assumptions to say some people are below average at everything they've tried, but, I suspect, some people are below average at everything they've tried, and noticing that isn't ill.

Though it's probably depressing.

I feel like society has lost the balance between striving to be your best and acknowledging that only one person is the best. Like, all this best rhetoric doesn't leave many places for the rest of us to stand, even though we're the vast majority.

And that's what that one survey question made me think of, even though it only had meaning in context added together with questions about miserable crying and hating themselves.



In related thoughts, thinking that the future is not going to get better may be a symptom, but it may also be a consequence of just reading the headlines...

I was reading some sedoretu fic
and it just seems, like, really practical and useful and stuff.
Like, those relationships staying together seems solid.

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with a very fast engagement, Wally's mom, and a bit of an oops.

also the point where I'm pretty sure me knowing the ending means I'm not getting the same experience of watching this. so spoilers for later episodes below.

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Gorilla City, Grodd, and at least three versions of Harry.

I hate it when the characters are stupid. It gets boring.

... that's actually like 90% of my reaction to this one.

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the one with the disintegration guy

I keep finding myself agreeing with Julian where the story clearly doesn't.
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Last night I dreamt a Mick/Ray plot bunny
which, no, Ray blew that, you don't propose partnership and then go off with the new guy like it's nothing
but
Mick and Ray nearly got blown up and finally kissed
but
then Ray found a ring around his neck with his fiancee's name and a date
and further investigation revealed
something they had just done had changed the timeline enough
she hadn't died.

And as a plot bunny that is excellent.

Because one, she's now a time aberration, but like Lily she's one the Legends are going to really not want to undo.

Two, it's a great chance to explore Ray's urge to be a hero, the ridiculous oversupply of fridged women, and how much of a difference Ray has made in the world.
Seeing as Ray's thing is he always feels he's been too small to make a difference
and he has to be the Atom to do so
there's a lot of angles and mileage there.
Maybe he gets to see a world where he was never the Atom and it all went horribly wrong
but that is most boring
so
make it so his crew tell him all the ways it would go horribly wrong without him
and then have him look at history
and
nothing much has changed.
So at first he's super depressed. He really never did make a difference. Woe is him.
Also opportunity to beat himself up for not saving her before
given that time can apparently weather it
and it made no odds to him.
But, he eventually notices, unlike when Star Wars never got made, he still has both his knowledge and his suit.
It isn't that time hasn't caught up with him.
And it turns out that seeing his city get wrecked? Repeatedly? Even without any more personal loss, was enough to get him on the exact same path, trying to save people.

Turns out some humans just like saving other humans, say if they've been literal boy scouts their whole lives, it don't take a tragedy.

But,
three,
now there's Mick. Being dumped again. For someone's revived beloved, which has to hurt extra. He has his own ring and it isn't changing. Mick would be miserable.
And Ray is merely clueless about humans, not actively a jerk to his dates, so he would care.
But he's married. So no more kissing.
But them there's a peculiar paradox, in that a Ray who was that monogamously married wouldn't have been there with Mick doing kissing, wouldn't have nudged the timeline in such a way that he was married, so would have kissed, so wouldn't, so would...
... which is a headache inducing oscillating paradox such as time really can't be having with.
But it's not giving any headaches?
Memory headaches for Ray, sure, but nobody seems to be forgetting anything.

So it turns out the solution to paradox is polyamory.

Ray's wife knows perfectly well that he tends to collect people, and is better friends with some of his exes than he is now. And it's not like she would be spending Waverider time with him anyway. So she's fine with Mick.

And Mick...


... see that's where the whole thing falls apart from my point of view. Mick's partner should be his *partner*, not a part timer. He's the one reaching out, it should work some time.

But he's immediately switching to advice for the new partners when Ray goes off with Nate, so we know he's generous like that.

I just think he could do better.

But hey, plot bunny, many useful angles.

moving in to their new place and actually talking to each other
... also some jewel thief had a shiny gun? and no personality.
... also also there was a STAR labs museum.

I was unimpressed with this one. ( Read more... )

I think I'm liking neither the mental health nor the time travel stuff, because of how they deal with it and talk about it, and that leaves very little to potentially like.

Ah well. Onwards anyways.

So, have now seen the start of the Invasion.
I'd like to say it makes more sense now, but they seem to have chopped it into three different types of story, of stages, or something. It's a mind boggling jam packed rush even from the start.

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They packed so much in the only bit I managed to properly care about was the Wally story. I don't get why Iris is on team lie to him though, you'd think someone on this show would learn. Well, Cisco has, but still. Ugh.

Yaay Kid Flash, and please to be telling him reasonable reasons, like he needs training and experience that are not dreams.

The appearance of the newspaper though... if they can even check that, what has happened to their Gideon, how much future knowledge is in there, and what reason other than temporal can of worms do they have to not use it for research? Even focused so it won't tell them tomorrow, what is it they're ignoring? More than just a page.

The change was good.

But it still mentions Reverse Flash, and I want to see if/when *that* changes.

Like, Reverse Flash was obsessed with that page for a reason. Top of my list of theories? It's his own personal future, a headline he hasn't participated in yet, so keeping that on track means he has a tomorrow.

Second is he knows the significance of the red skies.

Reverse Flash being undone should screw up that day along with all the rest. Grandfather paradox is a problem, not a solution.

... I am focused on the wrong bits.


Alien Invasion setup achieved. Now to wait for Arrow so I can see the middle...


... and in the meantime, watch more Flash.

went to Bollywood Sparkles.
no dancing next week.
this week was fun. we were all bad at it but in a laughing with way, because it is hard all getting to your places in time.

Shopping worked except for fizzy water, because I will only buy the basics sort, because expensive water is daft.

I am All Done and super tired
because i slept all day
and forgot to eat, which i am fixing right now.

Julian, HR, and a giant monster.
Plus Caitlin's mum.

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Lots of interesting threads working pretty okay.

GURPS rules based magic says:
you can only use one powerstone at a time
you must be touching it, or touching something with the Staff spell enchanted on it that has a powerstone in it
powerstones recharge normally if six feet away from another powerstone, otherwise they divide the points among the stones, take twice as long for two, three times for three etc.

Obviously the simplest way to carry multiple stones is just take them off and put them different places. But then someone can wander off with them.

There's also the spell Knot which knots a rope or cord in such a way as it can only be undone by the password or by magic.

I was thinking: a bracelet can be made of a complexly knotted cord. Like I found one with 24 feet of paracord in it. You could fit a longer thread in if it was skinnier, and more complexly knotted. Obviously this stretches the definition of knot really really far, but that just means there's a more complex spell to learn or invent.

... in theory you could have knitting that won't unravel without a password. Or crochet. Or... stuff.

But what I was thinking of was a bracelet that packed a number of different powerstones close together, around your wrist or wrists, maybe even knotted so they touch your skin. Can't be removed without a password. But with the password they unravel to just be rope.

And then you can throw one end up a tree or use the thing to make a circle around you or some other shape as long as every stone has at least six feet of cord between it and the next stone. And it would recharge at normal speed. But you would have it knotted back around your wrist again - assuming no tree branch based critical fail - in a single casting of a two second spell.



Or you could have complex magic items where each bit had it's own power source and you needed to run a cord up a flagpole at night to recharge the thing.



Obviously you'd end up with different math than just getting one huge powerstone and letting it recharge at normal speed. Less overall bang, but faster recharge if you want to do a lot of smaller things in a row.

And it's always easier to find many small powerstones than one big one, because chance of crit fail destroying larger stones.



Of course this goes well with any knotting or fabric based magic, but those usually assume the knots or weaving or whatever happens at normal speed and are the gestural components of an enchantment. This is more like instant items.



I don't know. Might not be useful, but it's interesting flavour or spin.

Just watched the one with Mirror Master, the Top, and Snart
except despite how excited everyone got in advance there wasn't exactly a lot of Snart.
(kick the ball Charlie Brown)

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Episode had some good ingredients, but was just ingredients when it was done.

Makes me want to have another go at it with more theme and stirring.

Watched the episode with Frankie, Magenta, and Jesse Quick.

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