beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
My computer is in Norwich.
I am puzzled. I phoned the Dereham shop who said they'd send someone to pick it up, and an appropriately marked car did turn up. But now it is in the same company's shop but in Norwich.

On the plus side, they said it needs new RAM and the problem was the RAM had broke and that can be fixed for £35. Phew. *xfingers*

they did say something about delivery charges, which have never been mentioned before, but hey, computer is in Norwich, guess it has to get back here somehow...

still. I had plans for that money. I really hope the computer works a long time now.

I also plan to buy something proper new. I wanted a new laptop but the people I contacted to ask about buy one didn't contact me back. So I need a new plan for a new laptop.

I did some more tidying and dusting today, and washed the mugs from on top of the piano, or at least rinsed the majority of the dust off them. I put the little shelf thing somewhere I can actually use it and put the library books on it. So they're no longer sitting on top of the collection of computerish parts I need to get someone to look at and probably get rid of.

I also finally remembered to empty the washing machine. I had to run it again first because I'm pretty sure the wet laundry has been in there since Tuesday, which got a good start but went rather less well by the end. But now laundry is all put away and hung up as appropriate.

progress all round.

It just feels rather a lot like sitting in my flat being stuck here and wondering when I'll manage to change any of it.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Okay, so, now I've read all six volumes I got for my £55, I feel like they wrapped quite a lot of story. Not the threads I was most interested in at the beginning, but a lot. Also the numbering makes more sense because there are two sets of 1-3 with almost the same characters and following through on a lot of the same villain stuff. But there's a big difference between the two sets, different writer, different stuff going on. So okay, the renumbering makes sense. I just kind of wanted to read more of the first thing?

Also, random Deadpool, I have to concede, was not random. He was thematically appropriate and helped drop a whole lot of exposition while being one version of amusing. Read more... )

... I am making the most :-/ faces here, my eyebrow raise is epic, if I could put that in here as a review then that would kind of cover my reactions.

Read more... )

I wanted to read a spy story with superheroes, and it started that way, and then something else happened with the same characters.

So, the first three volumes I found incomplete, and this last volume wrapped up a set I didn't like the tone of, or maybe even the genre of. I liked the stuff where Coulson went off on his own and Clint went after him, like tumblr reposts a lot. I liked how the team was kind of Hawkeye and his ex-girlfriends who are way more awesome than him. It just went really, really weird and meta, and I didn't like that.

I'm going to pull it apart in my head and keep the stuff I like I guess. As per usual.
And there was plenty to like.

Though with Hawkeye Read more... )

Comics are a really expensive hobby.
I was vaguely wondering if the library system wants my comics collection. I bought them because they only have one volume from the middle of this Secret Avengers Widow-Hawkeye-Coulson-Fury-Hill bit. Probably other people would want to read all of them in a row.
Yet I like bits of them enough I don't want to give them away.

So, guess they were okay.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Sometimes I read a fic and just get so frustrated of missed opportunities.

Like, if a fic has a big reunion but a huge communication fail to deal with, and if a fic has one character having gone deaf since last time they met and another having lost one hand, why does it not connect these dots? Sign language with one hand can be tricky. The job took away their ability to communicate both metaphorically and literally. Working through the literal would demonstrate a commitment to working through the issues.

... usually using disability as a metaphor is of the bad though, because disabled people just exist, they don't signify personal qualities. But I don't think this is that? It's just now their disabilities clash. Like when I can't speak and someone else hasn't brought their glasses. Trying to communicate through increased barriers means you've got something you care about enough to make it work.

also also, I'm really quite frustrated when super science gets brought in to just handwave away the difficulties. Deaf, but you can't even see the 100% effective hearing aides, they're so cool and tiny! Replacement hand, only marginally cyborg, 100% sensation and function and appearance! :eyeroll: Like you want disabled people in your fic but not their disabilities.

I know sometimes it's like wanting to make it so they don't hurt, but AUs where the cool robot arm is a cool robot tattoo are just... erasing a whole bunch of people who definitely don't have that option.

I know fiction can fix absolutely anything it feels like with a couple of words, and I know if we like people we don't like seeing them suffer, but sometimes disability isn't suffering anyway, it's just part of who they are now. And sometimes when you undo a disability to give them a happy ending it's like that time travel movie I saw which changed a bunch of things a bunch of times but pretty much concluded the only way to cope with an abusive childhood was to not have one in the first place. It's like giving up on people. It's rubbish. The good stuff is getting to happily ever after from wherever they start. Which for certain robot arm having people is clearly very tricky, but, the existence and recovery of these fictional archetypes is a lifeline of hope for people who have been through shit. Undoing all the bad stuff before you like them can be like pulling up the ladder and leaving hurt people to it. Or it can just be saying you'd rather they didn't get hurt in the first place, like sympathy. Difficult.

If you count all the trauma (which, yes, very) then a really high percentage of superheroes are dealing with disabilities and illness, mental and physical. If you mix and match continuities and points in their history then you get even more. And these are the people who rise above, come out stronger, save the rest of us. Not by leaving their disabilities behind, or always having them secretly be superpowers, but just by being awesome anyway. They're a multi decade story that says we're stronger than we think, we can cope, we can do better than cope. It's something I've always loved them for.

But it's an aspect that frequently gets taken away, in canons and fanfic, and that's really frustrating.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Today has been slow.
On the plus side, the netbook finally finished auto update, and I can get at my email best of three.
on the minus side, slow connection is slow, on every page, everywhere. tis like trying to access tumblr via the 90s. not very worky.

I can't settle and concentrate. I started a book but it was blah so I put it down again. I've re-read two of the Secret Avengers volumes from yesterday. I like Reverie and Iliad. SHIELD is pretty much evil though. Read more... )

Comics world is super complicated and has so many world ending whatsits running around that they sort of lose punch. They're just random stuff and things.

Especially if there's years worth of issues in a row and they still haven't gone anywhere with their big spooky threat.

Read more... )

Also today I cleared all the stuff off the piano. If I can manage without using it as furniture for a few days then I'll contact one of the places that say they do piano storage. And ask them to figure how much it costs to make it work proper again, since at the moment not all the keys go down and many of them do not come up again. But storage is the current important part. I want that space back. Then I can start rearranging other things.

I need to get my hallway cleared out first though, which means actually throwing the VHS taped off the TV collection I've replaced with DVDs out instead of just stacking them with that vague intention. Also resolving to properly throw away all them card wrappers for DVDs, the outer sleeves some things come with that don't seem terribly helpful. Also also figuring how to get rid of the heater/cooler box I don't use.

Everything needs doing first, so it's out of the way for all the other things that need doing first.

I miss my computer. I hope they wake it up again and it works nice.
I hope I don't go losing data. I have no idea what the backup situation is.

So many things need done.

But I'm probably going to bed early instead cause I'm just tired tired.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I forgot how frustrating reading comics can be. Today I have read the Secret Avengers graphic novels titled Reverie, Iliad, How to MAIM a Mockingbird, Let's Have a Problem, and The Labyrinth. I still have no feeling of having read a complete story. Plus whatever it is they're doing keeps getting interrupted with boxes about something I could be reading in other comics, some big invasion that's just plunked on top of the characters, or random presence of deadpool doing not a hell of a lot. I spent £55 on comics (unexpected electricity refund ftw), and I'm not real satisfied with how much story that translates into.

No wonder more people watch the movies. Each movie is a complete adventure. Also, by some methods, cheaper.

I think part of it is my mood from today - bad news about grandpa yesterday plus non functional computer today. I'm not in the mood to be wowed.

And part of it is, contrarily, having read so many at once. Read one at a time and digested, there's fights, there's winning the fights, there's a lot of funny moments, it's pretty much a win. It's just there's also a lot of loose threads and ominous portents and characters being left in the lurch, or just plain left, possibly to go to another title, we never know from reading these things. So added up all together the more loose ends kind of outweighed the more fights and funnies, in my head.

also, it's very possible I've seen all the good bits already on tumblr, but I can't exactly blame comics for that. happens with everything.

I think I'll read them again slower later, and have opinions then.

This time I'm just, like, throwing my hands up and eyerolling because comics. They're a very tricky way to do story. Spectacular, expansive, and tricky.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
My desktop PC is not turning on when I press the on button. Again. About 60 days after the last time it was fixed?

My netbook is more of a not, since I have been doing update type stuff since I woke up and it's 1230 and it still won't let me at my email.

for some reason dreamwidth works though. so. okay.
I post this to say I'm probably not going to be around much for a little while.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I'm lacking big thinking about Buffy of late. There seems to be a bunch about masculinity and violence, direct parallels between Spike and Riley, and Riley and Adam of course, plus some stuff about how useless Giles and Xander feel now they're not defined by their jobs. Giles and Xander keep trying to help with the violence cause they've got none jobs and want to be useful, Xander beats up Spike and it's a sign he cares, Giles gets all sad because nobody is scared of him any more. Spike of course refers to his lack of capacity to do violence in direct comparison to neutering. Masculinity and violence. Big thing.

... big thing covered by every other show ever. Bored? Kinda. I mean, not bored of the episodes, but not coming out with meta.

All of them feeling less masculine because Buffy is more successful at violence than they ever could be, and Spike and Riley eroticising that, that's a thing BtVS does a little different. Mostly if the girl is kick arse it's to teach a guy to be better than her by the end of the movie. Here she just stays better, consistently. Yaays.

The same sex desire metaphor in the magics, the way Willow and Tara have to be, er, subtle, and the way Giles and Ethan are at the pub... a couple of old mystics, sorcerers, the night is still our time... yeah, still liking that, except for the not trivial thing where not being allowed to show stuff sucks. But the metaphors are pretty and the guys at the pub are, well, I'm coming up with plausible and I don't know if that's what I mean? Giles responding when he thinks Ethan is calling him attractive, intense eye contact, history together... you can see it happening, and you can see it in those scenes.

Ethan and the Fyarl thing: you can read it as Ethan didn't do it. Way back at the start of Buffy, episode three, it was established that one way to undo every spell in progress was to kill the caster. But when Giles the demon breaks in to grab Ethan, Ethan says "I can't undo you if you kill me!" Okay, he could be lying about everything, but if true, it means it wasn't his spell.

If it was then it's a classic be careful what you wish for. Giles wanted to be scary.
But that could also mean he got very, very drunk and did something unwise to himself. Unlikely, sure, but if you want to tell that tale...

For G/E shippers there's the teensy problem of him apparently trying to get Giles killed when he tells Buffy "It killed Ripper and now it's trying to get me!"
He could simply be mistaken about how far gone Giles is, if he can't get back from there. He could be making a complex statement about tweedy Giles and his ongoing fight with his own Ripper side. Or it could just be mischief to cover his own escape. Granted Buffy tries to kill Giles because of it, but she epic fails. And Ethan predicted that, reckoned "You're only going to make him angry." If he don't believe Giles can be hurt then it's mischief, not murder.

But then there's "I've really got to learn to just do the damage and get out of town. It's the 'stay and gloat' that gets me every time."
He's saying he did damage, and should have run before Ripper caught up.

Probably meant to be Ethan then.

But there's loopholes available if you want them. Like, what was he even doing in the place a demon was meant to rise and didn't anyway?

... Ethan Rayne can be so much more interesting if you read a little depth into a character that's pretty much just an excuse for mayhem to happen. But mayhem of the insides to outsides sort, which is always very character based fun.

Giles chasing Professor Walsh because she called him an absent male role model, always funny, but again connecting masculinity and violence. Giles feels powerless and judged, because a woman is implying a woman made herself without him. So he gets big and scary at her. Because clearly it's fun to use threats to counter words. And clearly it's more funny because it's Giles, who is usually words guy. But it's a moment that comes from him, not Ethan, even if Ethan did give him the outsides to do it.

Rupert Giles: earning his nickname since the early 70s.

I'm dissatisfied with how they used Walsh. She was evil psychology lady, and some of that was clever. Introduced doing stuff like controlling the discourse by naming herself as both good and evil versions, smart on several levels, and funny from writers cause they know what we don't. Creepy stuff that reminds me of abusers when she controls Riley just by mocking or relabelling his feelings, so he's just being college boy when he's trying to have opinions. Makes him feel small and then tells him to make her proud, so all his self worth is supposed to come from her reactions. Reworking his base code, like Adam said. Must have taken a lot of creepy manipulative work. And then making soldiers that don't ask questions... that's such a wrong view of soldiers. So all of that is perfectly good evil overlord stuff. But it's wrapped up with Riley and Adam calling her Mother on different occasions, and the weird thing with watching Riley have sex and getting rid of his girlfriend. Creepy gendered stuff. With no matching good version. I mean, if they're exploring mothers, Buffy has one of those, but no, they're just contrasting with Giles for some reason, current teacher vs ex teacher, at a point Giles is distanced from Buffy. Also there's previous evil teacher ladies but no hint of comparison. Comparing what Walsh does to what Watchers did would be perfectly reasonable, but you have to reach to other seasons to do it. Which, okay, it's season 4 and you'd expect some stuff to just be background, but I'm dissatisfied with how it turned out. There should be more women, more mothers, more teachers.

... I'm watching Buffy and thinking there need to be more women, even though Willow and Tara and Anya and Buffy are all right there.

I'm quite a lot creeped out by how Xander treats Anya. I mean I know she's an ex-demon but the comparisons with her behaviour have her turning up on list of autistic characters, so this time every time Xander corrects her on social skills is kind of grating. Like she's not meant to have her own thoughts and feelings but has to fit the mask on to be acceptable to him. It's not that she's actually learning compassion and empathy and that good stuff, she's just being told 'we talked about this' and changing how she behaves. I feel like Xander doesn't actually like Anya, he just likes how she makes him feel, and part of that is him feeling like he has the knowings and can teach from a position of moral superiority.

I'm super grumpy today and don't know if it's the TV that's always grump making or me that's always in a grump. So it goes.

The first three seasons, the basic metaphor was 'high school is hell'. Okay. They shift to college, but after the room mate episode I'm unconvinced they upgraded to 'college is hell'. More of a general 'young adulthood is hell'. Everyone trying to tell you who to be and shape you into who they want, but at the same time leaving you to sink or swim and not supporting you like you were supported a minute ago. Not knowing how to relate to adults, who are now meant to be other adults like you, but get cranky if you treat them that way and make you feel weird. Being expected to make a quantum leap in maturity and then frowned on for thinking you're mature. The whole thing with the drugged Initiative agents seems less metaphorical and more just a thing in itself, but I guess the pressure to perform physically and mentally is a college thing. Even Willow's magical lashing out is the thing where having a little power does not always go so good. So the metaphors are still there.

I'll watch more episodes later.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Both brothers are here this week, because larger brother visiting. So we all went to Sunday breakfast. Which I think was a success. Everyone had food, nobody had argues, pretty good family outings.

Also mum likes it when she can see all her offspring at once.

There were lots of Back to School supplies too, including Avengers things. I like some but was sort of hmmm about the price because I now I won't use it all for aaaaages if at all, so I put it back to think about it, and mum grabbed it up and was "Present! That you'll actually like!" So I have an early present :-)

I think I remembered the correct foods. I checked the list. Things were Unusual though so I am unsure. Doesn't matter much, I definitely have many food options, plus toothbrushes.

Large brother drove us in his car, because rain. That's much more pleasant in many ways, but I don't think I've got the hang of sitting in small cars without first sitting on the back wheel or the edge of the door. I suspect this dress needs washed.

Now it is not Movies Time because I only have two chairs and two brothers, so I couldn't watch my own movie if there were guests plural. So they went back to mum's and I guess I can watch something if I want to.

Successful social interaction with large brother happens much more rarely than once a year, so today counts as pretty extra good.

... yet weirdly stressful, for my regular routine plus a person.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Someone at Pride today had this big black robe/coat with rainbow color stripes of stars and crescent moons down it.


... but attempts to google keep getting me nail varnish?? *facepalm*
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font with rainbow background (rainbow)
I walked in the parade. Read more... )

Much rainbows, many humans. :-)
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I'm on day 4 of trying to finish this dratted book. I didn't want to name it when I'd read less than 100 pages, but now I'm in sight of the ending, I'll name.

I sat down to write something long and thorough about all the ways I can't be having with this book, but it's actually still real short:

The female protagonist is Not Like Other Girls, and that's used instead of giving her positive qualities. They make her exceptional not by lifting her up but by putting all other women down.

Sod that.

Read more... )

Dear writers: Feature a minimum of two female characters who have the knowledge and abilities and connections to potentially get things done, then show the protagonist is special by having her do things best. Not 'better than nothing' but 'best of a sharp field'.

Honestly, it's not complicated.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I added a whole bunch of cheesly to the leftovers of yesterdays quorn mince and dolmio pasta sauce and pasta. Six slices cut up small, heat leftovers for 3 minutes then add cheesly then heat three more minutes and stir. Melty cheese redistributes pretty evenly through pasta sauce and quorn mince. And it all tastes much better. Which is the first time I can say that about anything I've done with cheesly, usually it requires melting to be edible at all, but this time it just tasted good. I shall have to do this more. Especially because using teh quorn mince and teh dolmio sauce means having very many meals of sort of bolognese. Many. All at once. So finding some way to make the leftovers taste better than the first day? Yaays.

Also watched more Buffy the Vampire Slayer, up to Doomed.

Read more... )

I'm very much liking watching these, and when I get apparently sulky about their relationships and stuff it's in that way where you like watching the story but kind of want to talk to the characters before they do the thing again, only, well, it's repeats, they always do the thing again.

Only mostly though. Like, there's a lot of debate about the feminism of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and I'm finding myself dissatisfied around the edges this time because women don't get to be strong and competent and confident. Like, confidence equals fail, that seems to be a sign they're going wrong. Powerful, burdened and apologetic, while spending a lot of time wondering why their love lives don't work, that seems more the thing. And then the guys are... not awesome, yet they live that equation where save the day means getting the girl. Or, well, girl gets the girl too, same way, save the day first. Only this time through I'm like, yeah, but. Because there's probably lots of people saving lots of days, and possibly they should be, like, not a bully? Not a stalker? Not following you after you say no? Not demonstrating they care primarily through beating things up? Especially that last.

But then I don't know exactly what I would want, or what precisely I mean, and it's mostly feeling grumbly around the edges.

I shall continue to watch more happily though.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I found wholesalers online that will sell me Five Alive :-)
Their minimum order is 15 cases :-/
Each case has 12 cartons, so that's 15*12=180 litres of Five Alive.

Assuming I can find some way to store 180l of Five Alive, which, no, unless I buy a van and park it under my house and fill the back with juice, which is a storage suggestion that has been brought up before but which falls down on the whole thing where it staying in one piece is somewhere between not assured and unlikely... ASSUMING I can find some way to store 180l of Five Alive, I would then have to drink 180l of Five Alive before the sell by.

I was drinking about 8 cartons per week. A little more than one a day. So if the sell by on Five Alive is more than 180 days away then storage becomes my only problem.

... *sigh* ...

But! I checked ASDA a minute ago and it does appear to still have Five Alive!
... until I sign in. After I sign in, the juice disappears.
Conclusion: ASDA stocks it, but the ASDA that delivers to me does not.

So then I only have to find an ASDA which still has juice and somehow induce it to deliver. Taxis might be involved. Possibly relatives.

... the wholesale plan is actually more worky.

I suddenly have a use for the garage on the flat I nearly bought: storing wholesale quantities of the only thing I can drink in useful amounts that is not ribena.

And while I like ribena, there are many days when I can't make myself drink tap water, so it is freaking expensive ribena.

(I tried filtering the water. It is difficult to filter out crazy.)

Sainsburys used to sell Five Alive, but only in the giant Sainsburys that I can only get to by taxi or other driver. They have no bus. So I can't even check.

I wonder precisely what volume of space I need to store 15 cases of Five Alive... I know I can only fit two in the kitchen cupboard...
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Public lecture podcasts sound like a great idea but they should come with disclaimers like "this dude writes all his equations on slides so good luck figuring them out from context" or "this lady is basically showing you her 60s hippy trail slides with intermittent commentary"

I mean so far I learn a couple things per podcast, which is cool, but, many are not optimised for the format and you never know until you try them.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I'm bouncing off a book I tried starting reading today. So far instead of book I have had lunch, had a nap, played on the computer twice, and done my nails again. Also stared into space. A lot.

I've read a few chapters in between those things but it's not going great. I may take this one back unfinished. I have until Wednesday, I kind of expected to finish it in one afternoon like usual, but no.

There's two point of view characters, one bloke, one bird. The bloke is fed up of women because they're all so vain and fluttery. The woman is Not Like Other Women, who she finds vain and fluttery.

That's the big. That's what I'm utterly done with. That assumption, that women were actually sitting around being pretty all day every day with not a thought in their head, except for Our Heroine, Not Like Other Girls, who has secretly acquired an education and earned money!

I'm not saying there's no bits of history where you'd find fluttery vain women. I'm pretty sure said women were often shrewd political actors using the power available to them, but that gets called vanity.

The thing is there are so many other bits of history. Why are our fantasy novels not set there?

Like I was reading about English History from the library last week and it said stuff like Anglo Saxon women could be Lords, because the word hlaford usually translated as Lord was actually gender neutral. Women were landowners. They built forts, they ran abbeys, they owned many things and kept them jointly if they got married. They were in charge. And inheritance, at least for kings, was drawn from a pool, the aethelings I think it said, and those were everyone descended from like the great grandfather king. I should look it up, I'll do a more precise post before I send the book back. So whoever turned out to be best at the kinging job got it. And then the Normans turned up and they had that primogeniture rule where the firstborn son got everything and the rest of history was quite a different shape.

But if you're writing a fantasy book then why not draw on a system where ranks are gender neutral and the best person for the rank is drawn from a pool? Drama and competition! Everyone needing to be good at all the jobs! Equal opportunity fluttery vanity among people who know they're not going to get the job on their own merits, if that sort of thing appeals. But mostly, women, women everywhere, doing all the things and being just as good at them.

The telling of history has perhaps been uniformly sexist in mainstream sources for a long time now. The living of it was not. It wasn't a straight line of progress from women as property to women now, we had property and ruled stuff long times ago, it just got took away somtimes.

Also there was a bit about Boadicea and I've always heard she, like, inherited being the boss because the blokes around her died, but the way this particular book tells it it was more that the locals found it unremarkable for a woman to be in charge so she was boss of course. What it says was just "like other Celtic peoples they accepted the authority of female leaders." And then the Romans turned up and were like 'no, where's the bloke in charge', only in Latin and with more swords. They did what they did to her partly because Rome wasn't having any of that women-in-charge stuff.

So there's one version of history as if the Roman way was the normal way, but there were Celtic peoples here long before and after the Romans turned up, doing things their way, with female leaders being normal.

Why aren't they in the fantasy books?

Even the ones by women often rework particular sexist eras, with sexist assumptions, shaped around the idea that the version of history that's all battles and who had the biggest army is the important one.

It's never about diplomacy or arranging a good marriage as a business and political transaction that holds kingdoms together. It's always looking down on women as fluttering vanity trying to snare a man for personal ambition. The nuts and bolts day to day work that should have gone with that ambition, that's nowhere.

Or it's there, but because she's Not Like Other Girls.


Our brains got poisoned by wrong teaching. Need to think more better.


Jul. 19th, 2015 07:38 pm
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
you know how some people are so annoying you end up separately annoyed at so many things they said it takes days to work through the queue?

So at the pub on Wednesday we were talking movies and I was talking numbers of women and he was countering with Strong Female Characters.

So he said Guardians of the Galaxy, and I said I liked that but it was sad when they changed the team from the comics they left out women.

And he got this really ugh voice on and was like, you don't think they're planning on bringing them in later?

Like, voice said it was obvious, why am I complaining.

You know what I'm sick of? Later.

Even if we'd heard so much of a whisper of such a plan - and I haven't - it would still be later. What, you want women now? You want parity now? You want equality now? Wait your turn.

I've been making the exact same complaints about my favourite genres for twenty years now, and I am sick of later.

We know Marvel's plans for the MCU for many years, and sure we're going to get one movie starring a woman, but later. If they want to slot in an extra movie, guess which gets bumped later? And if we want, oh, a second movie, well, that's a lot later.

In the mean time, here, have supporting characters, see them get ignored after one movie, have their canonical roles given to white men, their merchandise be non existent, them be painted out of pictures, toys that should feature them be remodelled and renamed, movie storylines that featured them be given to white men... that looks like I said it twice, I mean their jobs go to white men, their exact comic stories go to white men, women are getting erased.

We are going backwards. We are losing ground. Movies are being more sexist than notoriously sexist source texts.

Wait for Later?

What, and watch us get swept away tidy in the mean time?

Because you know what happens later. They look back and say, look, women just aren't popular, nobody's heard of them, you know who the audiences are asking for, more of the same, more of these white men.

It's up there with how ever story about women in F&SF I've ever read declares it the arrival of the women. The year of women. New women! New! There were never any women around here!

Authors I've been reading my whole life are getting left off lists because look, everyone knows women never wrote this stuff before, they're new!

And suddenly women!

Everything we're 'given' is called an improvement, status quo is always measured against utter absence, and whenever we ask for parity, for numbers, for actually existing, we get a token. But hey, she's strong! So new! We haven't seen that continuously since... I'm getting back as far as the original Avengers, both comics and Brit TV series, but I suspect that's a limitation of my familiarity with source texts.

Wait, Wonder Woman, of course, 1941, but she actually had a lot of women around and was at least in theory trying a bunch of diplomacy peace and love stuff they've since cut from her stories and background. Large contribution to my feeling we're losing ground, including bits that had always been ours.

Give us stories that are 50/50 men and women and writers have to find something to do with them. Right? I mean, if they have them standing around doing nothing while paid just as much as their male co stars, that kind of works too, but in theory their ongoing presence should call for scripts to actually use them.

But no.

Maybe later.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Sunday: tedious. Shopping done, Sunday breakfast not done, cause mum stayed home.

there were no boiled eggs and they were out of the soya milk I like. I should try more milks if they're not going to stock it.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I double checked some of my nail varnishes. Some remained goo for hours until I wiped them off, so they're gone in the bin, boo. But the sparklies layers actually worked this time They must have just not combined well last time. So I still have my glitter for fingers. Yaay.

Buffy season 3... I haven't been thinking of much to say about it because I've already said and read so much about it, but it's still good TV.

The whole 'high school is hell' metaphor and turning common experiences into demons still holds up strong. Read more... )


Jul. 17th, 2015 12:46 pm
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
last night was all thunders and lightnings. every time I thought it had finished and tried to sleep there was more flash booms. So I got to sleep after 0500 and only just woke up at nearly 1300.

I didn't see anything interesting cause my windows are so small if I can see lightning it has hit either cars or the building opposite. which, thankfully, far as I could tell, no.

there was a really interesting crackboom followed by interesting smell and then a while later a fire alarm from some of the neighbour flats, but the fire alarm stopped pretty quick so I suspect that was more to do with power fluctuations than actual fire. probably. I hope.

It was raining so hard I tried to look out the window because it was making weird noises but it was just one big sheet of water. like someone turned a hose on it.

... very probably there was no hose or fire engine. I mean, as far as I could tell.

... I'm super tempted to go look around outside and double check for lightning fire remains.

it's not just the noise that keeps me awake, it's the drama in my head.

Dreamt a lot of muddle, and then dreamed Coulson was Prime Minister and Hawkeye was a guy he knew as 'Mike' and was having a relationship with until he got such high office. Then 'Mike' just disappeared. Coulson had given him a panic button though and one day it went off, close enough Coulson just went to him, instead of, like, using being boss of the country. It would also have been awkward on account of this not being a recruited-by-SHIELD situation, more of a dating-a-merc. So Hawkeye wouldn't have trusted anyone and might have been considered the enemy by most of them. So, Prime Minister, to the rescue. And presumably adventure ensued.

I heard about this from Coulson who was telling the story to Bucky, who was being cranky vanished assassin guy so I guess Coulson was explaining how people would feel about that.

Bucky in the dream had got a ton of money and bought a shopping mall so he could redo it with better sightlines and a booth of seats up really high so he could sit there nursing his soda.

last night I read one of those Tony's Money Fixes Everything romance stories and it kind of creeped me out, because he started shagging the guy and then bought his apartment building and the company he worked for and fired a guy who'd annoyed him and fixed up the house to be nicer and just... threw money at him, but without actually mentioning he was doing it. I know, the fantasy is some rich dude rescuing you from all the material problems of the world, but from very early on in the relationship the guy now not only controls his partner's money but that of literally everyone he knows, and he's demonstrated a willingness to fire people and make them move out. That's a degree of control that's so easily abused, and so very difficult to use ethically. It just reminds me of being stuck as a teenager with house and money all someone else's and that someone else using it as a great big lever to control behaviour, while draining the money off for himself.

But now I'm thinking that the usual situation for the Avengers is that exact thing. Tony owns the house, he pays for everything they need, in universes they're not working for SHIELD he's probably their sole income, and of everyone else they work with. And things like a lease are very seldom mentioned, it's more like they're guests, so that's a really insecure way to do housing. Piss one person off and your whole world splats.

But that's pretty much less creepy because everyone actually knows that and they've gathered to work together, like the work is their connection and they choose to work for him and stuff.

A boyfriend who goes around gathering the different threads of your life until you're utterly depending on him without knowing it is someone who already took all your choices away and wrapped that in candy. He thinks he's being sweet. Controlling and creepy.

But the punchline to the fic, the happy ending signifier, was Tony firing his boyfriend so he could come home and have a lot of sex. And there was more context on it, but, that? That's nightmare material. Who needs their own life when Tony can arrange a life for them!


I can see the fantasy, but it's too close to too many problems. nope.

Some people are so powerful, like Kings and presidents and maybe business that owns all the local options, it's got to be difficult to do relationships without being the boss as well. Which is interesting. But not actually fun.

My ongoing plot bunny of founding a colony on another planet kind of has same issues of who controls how much of their lives. Like, you can't leave without abandoning a whole life, can't go date in another pool, there's 200 people on the planet, and if somebody funded the expedition then that somebody owns way too much of their lives to piss off. Drama.

I appear to have hurt my elbow, possibly by reading on my phone for up to 8 hours last night. I'll go do something where I don't have to hold it at ouch angles.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Today had some serious drawbacks.

So, it was AS women's social group, and I decided to go. Got up, got dressed, went and caught the bus, no problems.

Read more... )

SF group at the pub was three blokes. We talked. I think I annoyed one guy at least as much as he annoyed me, and there were many things I tried not to say. Read more... )

So then it was 10.30pm and the taxi arrived and I thought yaay, escape now!

... the taxi driver asked what I'd been doing, I mentioned SF club, he asked if I was into space science and started rattling off a list of space exploration we've been doing lately. Yaay! Conversation about shiny things! I mentioned Pluto and all seemed well.

He followed up by saying that of course they'll be disclosing the presence of alien life in the next ten years.

And then he mentioned Ancient Aliens and things went rapidly downhill.

The problem is not his theories. Though I haven't followed that shit since the 90s and I'm still better informed than him. The problem isn't even that he didn't seem to be doing a joy of sharing thing, since he seldom acknowledged when I added a detail, and wasn't keen on me being able to answer his direct questions since he would then repeat back to me what I said only more emphatically. The problem was he talks with his hands.

Both hands.

While doing 50 in a 40 zone. And then again on the motorway.

Now call me strange, but I feel the driver should hold the fucking wheel on occasion, and indeed further feel that those occasions should be all times the vehicle is in motion.

He on the other hand felt that it was substantially more important to illustrate the angle of the secret stairs in the Mayan pyramids that lead to the stone sarcophagus that shows a dude in a space suit, doing more than the speed limit in a built up area, or to illustrate the exact principles of warp drive and what it does to spacetime, while doing 70 on the A47.

I was sitting there with all my fingers crossed praying not to die an ironic death. I only wrote for Fortean Times that one time. My X-Files phase, while devout at the time, is long over. And if I crashed FT wouldn't even know it was one for the Strange Deaths files, unless someone could report the conversation.

So while I understand the joy of finding an audience and could in other circumstances have a happy conversation about this stuff - and possibly lend him some of my reference library because dude really needed to polish some of those topics, and seriously, the pyramids thing isn't that hard, no you don't need to be in space to align buildings correctly especially when there's so many fucking stars you could line any three points up with something in the sky, and really finding it surprising that ancient people knew shit is not fortean but simply racist - in other circumstances I could have a fruitful discussion on this stuff, but not while he's driving.

After the gestures for emphasis over the whole 'all religion is sky dudes' thing, where mentioning that Buddha was pretty much just a dude did not go down well, I decided contradicting the driver was clearly not of the good.

So then we arrived at my house pretty rapidly. And I think my shoulders are still up around my ears.

Wow do I prefer the time I got a taxi driver who talked Doctor Who actors he'd picked up. Or even the silent ones. Silence is fine.

I've been trying to figure out if I should tell the taxi company? Not about the aliens, dude wants to believe, but the speeding and the hands.

Not tonight though, tonight I'm going to hide under a blanket until my eyes stop doing OO


Jul. 15th, 2015 10:11 am
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Woke up at something like 0530. Gave up and got up to close the window and the blinds. Summer is kind of tricky.

Got back to sleep eventually, woke up around 10. Not awesome.

Dreamed something epic with sorcerers and angels and sith. Yes I know that's mixing genres somewhat. Read more... )
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
The whole glitter collection of nail varnish has gone sadly wrong, won't set any more. Boo.
So now only 7/10 of fingernails have teh same colours as earlier cause the other 3 came off because of glitter.

Instead I have two different silvers and a silver bullet. That last one was a surprise, the rest of the 60 seconds formulas have gone wrong, but there it is set and shiny. yaays.

Watched more Buffy.
Faith gets to go through stuff so Buffy won't quite have to. Read more... )

I like the story raising all this stuff.

I'm remembering why I have like a foot of Buffy related essay/philosophy books.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
My Tuesday actually worked correctly.
Cleaner Day happened and things are clean and with the better smell. Delivery Day also worked, which is what happens when I remember to do Monday Order Food. And then I settled in to watch more Buffy and paint my nails.
I am currently wearing 10 different colours of nails. I threw out at least as many bottles due to conditions ranging from 'totally separated' to 'so solid the brush broke'. And there's three kinds I decided I just don't actually like. So that's progress.
At least as many colours still remain, needing sorting and testing. Pretty sure some of the glitter collection have passed usefulness. Sadly.
I also threw out some eyeshadows, lip gloss, and... makeup stuff. Some of them probably from teh 90s. I'm aware I shouldn't use old makeup, I was mostly keeping it because... actually whatever excuses I come up with right now about memories I'm mostly keeping it for hte same reason I used to have an empty envelope stack ie mental illness. So! Make up clean out. All make up now from this century, almost certainly. Also teh stuff that I threw away had gone lumpy solids instead of helpful powders anyway.
If places kept making the same colours so I could just replace stuff as necessary then I wouldn't horde it so much. But they keep on changing it just a tiiiiiny amount so you have to buy all new stuff to coordinate with the tiny changes. Fashion! Blah.

I watched Buffy while painting my nails so my attention was not the sharpest at some points.
But it remains very good through mid season 3.

Read more... )

For the rest of the day I get to decide what colours to paint my toes. This is the kind of high pressure lifestyle I live now.

beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I'm so tired today. I think I saved the world repeatedly in my sleep.

There was the dream with Oz where Phil Coulson was his Alpha werewolf, but not in a creepy violence way, he was a very chill werewolf who was there to guide and advise and only got all authority figure when really necessary.
... I think the Coulson in my head has become Principal Coulson by default.
... it's not even high school AU if both really were in high school.

Then there was the time travel epic with, like, everyone ever. Muddled and boring for much of it. I mean sometimes it was a game where you played different Doctors, and I was 8 of course, and sometimes it was a lot of running around in time. And then there was something about weather control and tornados at Normandy? And there was a possessing entity called Gary. I don't know what was up with him. Time travel is neater if you can possess locals though. But neither of us knew what to even start doing about the weather.

I guess if you're a possessing entity then jumping around playing different avatars is pretty much what it feels like. So possibly the muddled bit was me possessing the Doctor. Now I feel like I need to apologise.

I could contact Gary the body jumper telepathically, which ran the risk of him jumping to me so it involved a looooooot of trust. And considering I had no idea where he started from or what he looked like, awake me considers that amount of trust a very dubious risk.

Fun though.

I got woke up by some clanging metal around 0930, and I went to bed around 2130 and did eventually sleep. Remembering so many dreams because I woke up in the middle a lot. And now I just feel all blergh and tired.

Saving all of space and time really takes it out of you.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
ASDA says Five Alive is not available today.
they were the last place to stock it.
did I drink my last five alive ever this morning?
that would be sad.

it's still on the coca cola website
but so is the apple variety
and I haven't been able to find that for many years.

Also today there's an ongoing lack of microwave pasta of all varieties.
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy does the universe continue to make life more difficult?


beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)

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