beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Last weekend at the con there were screenings of a documentary about Doctor Who fans. I watched a bit of it, then walked out all :eyeroll: It wasn't being deliberately rude or anything, but it was being drearily tedious in a very gendered way. It was about how Doctor Who fandom is changing, and it seemed really excited about it, and you'd think that would be a good thing. But.

There's this story that fanboys tell themselves, over and over, in a variety of spaces I've seen and been to.
The story goes "And suddenly, women!"

This story is always wrong.

Read more... )

So if their perception is also true what they need to be asking is why weren't women fans in the same spaces as men?

Read more... )

The thing is though, if someone can figure out the right questions, the ones about how a variety of people always liked the texts but now they are more likely to share fan spaces and do fan activities, that might get some useful answers. Like, what made people feel safe and welcome? What changed? How do we do it again?

Because the other thing I noticed at the convention - at all the conventions really - is how very very white we tend to be. Much more so than the UK in general. And the convention organiser had a nice speech at the closing ceremony about how everyone is welcome in fan spaces, no matter your gender, sexuality, or race... but I don't reckon you could prove it by the actual attendees. And that might be a failure of eyes on my part, but, the UK is 87% white according to the 2011 census. So there should be 13 people in every 100 that are not white. Even in a 200 person convention, that's 26. And I only actually noticed two.

Unless I missed a couple dozen people, we're too white. We need to understand that lack of diversity.

And asking the right questions seems like a good start.

Of course if a diverse audience actually isn't watching the same texts, okay. Anecdote is not data, and maybe I am that much the special snowflake, and happen to online know the only classic era women or people of color in fandom. But I can't actually believe that.

Which makes with the epic :eyeroll: when some fanboy story takes it as the baseline assumption.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Did the shoppings, ate the breakfast (which was kind of blah and rubbery but it's only a supermarket cafe), bought a house magazine because it has a free... something with many pages that will probably be fun to look at.

my regular Sunday of awesome.

I need to sort out the shopping trolley situation (needs washed and is currently full of washing) because trying to carry it back got painful and then mum carried it but probably that's not comfy for mum.

Also need to remember to ask mum before inviting sibling over, cause she did veto it today after they'd agreed, so then everyone was :-( But I gave them my spare giant amounts of printer paper for a printer I probably don't own any more and even if I do it probably don't work. So they're probably ahead on the day.

Tomorrow's task list looms long, but today's tasks are rolling along nicely.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I'm watching Fringe. I'm on the last disc and it is finding new and interesting ways to irritate me.
Read more... )

So I'm just bored and irritated.
Whatever this show is trying to do it is doing it very poorly.

Also Read more... ) Bored bored bored.

It's annoying when something I was enjoying just decides that the things I liked least about it were the selling points and pursues them to their stupid end points. And it keeps on happening.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
certain items should never go in the washing machine.
sequins, especially glued on sequins, are clearly on that list.
... so why do I not remember that on the way in?


on the plus side, my floor is super shiny now. raining silver!
and I have an excuse to shop for a new shiny thing before next dancing opportunity.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I'm not very good at being a human. It's annoying. I keep thinking I could be more social, then reviewing previous attempts at social, and kind of giving up on it. People are many and there's much noise, or people are not there and there's none talking. I don't know how people do this.

I'm also kind of annoyed about houses. Because of the one that went away. I feel that if other people did things quicker and more efficient then I could have a house. But then if different other people did things slower I could also have a house. So mostly I'm a bit sad of not having that house.

Also mum keeps being all no worries the universe is just saving up a good one for later, and I'm really annoyed at that whole attitude. Read more... )

Any minor irritation with mum gets amplified by the thing where, on account of having no support or seeing people in college or regular social engagements, mum is the only one who talks to me most weeks.

And while I'm not in Norwich it will continue to be just as difficult (ie mostly impossible) to get to (or importantly back from) social anything.

So I continue to look for houses.

It's annoying because I have found more constraints than I initially knew about, which narrows things down a lot. Read more... )

So now I just need to find again the right sort of stairs, and the right placement of bathroom, in the right location, with a freehold or very long leasehold, not built too recently or too long ago, and at the right price.

And all the searching and attempt to buy has resulted in useful progress type stuff, so that's okay.

... asking the universe like a wish list doesn't seem useful, but as a way of letting this stuff go so it don't go round and round in your brains, may be of help. Or I could just meditate and try and empty all the things...
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Today I finally got as far as the cinema to watch Guardians of the Galaxy.
Mum went with me. I like disabled tickets, carer goes free if I sign the thing.
Film was fun with lots of whoosh and boom, but all the stuff I've seen on tumblr people grumbling about I agree with. Like, Read more... )
But the other set of stuff on tumblr, that being all whoosh boom GROOOOOOOOT, that also true. Groot is good. Dancing is good. And holding hands.

Am glad I went today cause after Thursday there's no showings listed anywhere local.

Am frustrated that this was the first opportunity I had given the ongoing lack of support.

There's NSFG tonight according to my calendar but I'm at home cause it gets no easier to do the transport thing or the going places.

So, back to waiting on someone listing the perfectly perfect house on Rightmove so I can move to Norwich and have far fewer transport problems.
And/or waiting on winning the lottery or premium bonds so I can afford the perfectly perfect house or making somewhere perfectly perfect.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
So far today I did the Cleaner Day tasks, then vacuumed the bedroom, getting in almost all the corners now. I emptied out the cupboard and vacuumed in there. I discovered an old and very goth pair of shoes lurking under some plastic swords. I put the remaining things that need cleaning (and include things like backpacks and laptop bags where I don't really know how I intend to do that) and put them in the sealed bags to figure out later. I can see the floor in at least three quarters of the room now.

I still have no idea what's in that one corner behind the bed though. Probably a radiator that has never been turned on? Some boxes? Possibly a guitar?

I tried to look in the big blue box. It's my school trunk from when I was 8. But it is now locked, which is mysterious. It wasn't locked last time I looked and I haven't deliberately locked it and, rather importantly, I'm pretty sure I haven't seen the key since I was 10. So. Er. Oops?

Whatever is in there I haven't looked at for a really long time, so it's not like it's urgent, but, well, big box, never accessed, some kind of shifting weight inside, kind of embarrassing.

So then I started looking all the places keys might live. Which will take me the forseeable future. Tidy this place is not, despite ongoing efforts.

I did discover where I put a bunch of skeleton warriors. So that's nice.

Found keys to the bike shelter and some older iteration of the front door.

Vaguely recalled throwing away a green stretchy key ring, which clearly wouldn't have had a key on, probably, right?

So, I'll keep looking, but it's possibly more practical to learn lockpicking at this point.
... I poked it with tweezers but nothing happened. I suspect as well as being locked it's probably corroded.

I could always apply tools and just saw through the lock or something. But then it's broken forever, so, I'll go through every other drawer looking for the key first.

Meanwhile I'm having a sit down before doing the vacuuming in the front room, cause this stuff is exhausting and there's no call to get all falling down tired as long as the task gets done on the correct day.

ETA: Finished the vacuuming
found the trunk key.

beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
*catches up on everything including tumblr*
*realises to get back from Heathrow and do all that reading I've been awake 20 hours*

... *facepalms*...
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Watched first episode of Gotham.
I might want to know this Alfred Pennyworth and Jim Gordon better, but I think I have no interest in this kind of story week on week.
Blood and screaming, not my speed.

Home safe

Oct. 13th, 2014 04:20 pm
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I'm back from the convention.
Time of Angels was pretty good, there was dancing and I did my best impression of a human. There was one whole conversation and everything.

Got home to messages the maybe house is a definitely not. Sold to someone else.
Is kind of frustrating because I spent all weekend trying to stop thinking about numbers and things that needed fixing and how I could make it work, and it's all a waste of brain space.
Back to searching.


Oct. 9th, 2014 03:56 pm
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I am all packed ready for Starfury Time of Angels tomorrow. Even the shiny things.
... shiny things have a truly surprising ability to tangle in the drawer. I can't figure out where they get the energy. Do footsteps truly transmit enough to get everything wrapped around each other?

Everything fits in the suitcase. Surprisingly well, this time. I got a bunch of vacuum pack bags, as part of the clean all the things / maybe move house strategy, and three of them are travel bags where you don't need a vacuum cleaner you just curl them up and lean on them and the air goes out the one way valve at the bottom. I'm surprised it works, but it does seem to work real well, and saves bunches of space. And logically it would work on the way home too. Except probably by then it will all be in the laundry bag. But that's what expanding suitcases are for.

... must remember to pack laundry bag...
... and done.

See, this is why I tell the internet. I get on here and realise what I should have done.

Daytime clothes, party time clothes, sleep time clothes, shiny things, phone, snacks.
Paper, pens, sonic screwdrivers.

I can only pack the alarm clock in the morning.

Think I'm packed.


Okay, goal for the weekend is have more interesting weekend than I would sitting in my recliner.
This is realistic and achievable.

I just have to get through London on the way there and back.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Dreamed I was lost in a hotel again, having only found a back entrance with no reg desk. Got a hotel room fine but had to go on a quest for the main door. On the way there found a series of increasingly elaborate and beautiful gardens, all of them with very steep steps, until eventually I got to one where I was all "well, it's a good thing I can fly".

The part where I was doing the whole thing wearing only the con t-shirt and I had a panel to run in a room I didn't know, and people were getting trapped in the lifts, that was more usual.

Are there honestly people who just, like, travel? Who don't spend days having nightmares about it and feeling vaguely sick? Those are some mighty humans.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I packed for Friday. Then I unpacked and repacked. Then I dropped some of it on the floor and decided it needed washing. Then I started the washing machine. Then I realised it was 2100 and I was not being a nice neighbour.


Read more... )

Okay, I'll go think of something else to do that is not telling the internet about my laundry.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I'm packing for the con on Friday.
So far I'm weirdly unenthused.
... well, less weird, considering how much there is on my to-do list that is not a convention.

Packing has involved one bag of basics and putting the hotel reservation and convention e-ticket on my phone. phones are handy, but I'll still write it on paper too, because phones also sometimes break. Also I don't really know how to use mine yet, but have got the hang of paper.

I don't know which bag to take. Logically it will influence what I pack. The suitcase is a bit broken and the backpack is a bit small.

And I have to go through London again. Not loving that.

I don't know what I'll wear. I usually try and be at least vaguely themed, because that's at least somewhere to start, but I'm a bit uninspired this time.

Reasons to go to a convention shouldn't be down to 'it's non refundable' :eyeroll:

I'm just not loving the idea of leaving the house, I think.

Okay, onwards. It will be more interesting than sitting at home.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I did Cleaner Day, I did vacuuming, I did two loads of laundry (well one coat and a load, the coat turned out to be machine washable but I didn't want to take chances on what it would do to other things). Laundry is just now starting and happily making machine wash noises.

I sit down for lunch (at 4pm) and get pasta sauce down my dress.


I have phoned places and been told to phone back later. I don't think I will. It has been more than a week of this and this time I phoned back at the specific times I was told to and if they can't be bothered then they don't get my hypothetical money.

I have been phoned and answered, even though the answer is currently that it's out of my hands if this plan works at all at all. I would like the plan to work, but even if this version doesn't work, the general outline of the plan might eventually work, so I'll just see how things go. But still, talking, on the phone.

I have earned my apple thing.

Also I may just go and hide under a blanket early tonight.

That day felt like a lot of days on top of each other.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I have done Sunday jobs, I have done Monday jobs, and I even started on Tuesday jobs.
And I have an hour of Monday left.
I win.

I'm fed up at the moment because I keep having to use the phone and contact humans and then I get all wore out of communicating and the actual nice messages that I'd be quite interested in just end up sitting there because they're not to do with money and they don't have a deadline. Just a gradual death of interest from everyone who ever talks to me even a little.

I'm also fed up that so many humans won't use email even when they tell you to email them, the only reply they make is to ask for your phone number. Read more... )

I'm really super frustrated at everything lately. I feel like I'm doing at maximum capacity all the time but things just don't.

And then I'm a cranky human and it's less than fun.


Okay. Day is done. Frustrations can stay in the working hours.

human life difficult.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Sunday breakfast and Morrisons shop achieved.
... I just realised I forgot the cheesly, but I did remember the toothbrushes and tissues, so I feel on balance that's a win.
My preferred homes magazine was in :-)
Also I spent another 39p on another bag because mum uses them for all the things so sometimes if she's brought me stuff I have many and sometimes like now if I've been sending stuff away there's none here.
Mum carrying half the shopping is very helpful though.
It's still pretty exhausting.

I'm pretty sure it would be less exhausting if it wasn't the only time a week I stuck my nose outside my flat, but this is what happens when all the support goes away because conservative government.

I think some of the sunday jobs aren't going to work because I forgot to hang the laundry up to dry yesterday. So that's monday jobs instead. boo.

Monday jobs already involve online shopping and contacting people. Lots of people. Probably to be told things won't work.


I need a new plan. And the energy to do it.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I have some thoughts. Read more... )

That's quite a lot of thoughts, and yet I mostly didn't object to this episode, I just didn't like it either.
Or this season.
Or this Doctor.

Ignore me, I'm just cranky.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Fringe continues to deteriorate.
Fridging now?
What a load of rubbish.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Ways to tell it is nearly convention time: I refresh the page several times a day to check it has not secretly changed weekends or been cancelled.
Next week shall have to involve choosing clothes from all the bags of cleaned stuff that are in no particular order. But hey, everything is for certain clean now.

Today I attempted to contact people (who were very busy and I shall have to try again next week) and waited for people to contact me (though since the thing I asked of them is everso unlikely, the longer it goes without a definite no the better, sort of).

Then I sorted my folders of pretty furniture and decorating things again again again.
I have managed to find things cheaper than the ercol to want. Not cheap, mind, but about a third the price of the other stuff. And I also have a small collection of cheapest things I could find that I can live with, so things can work while I save up for the super shiny things.

... yes I know very likely I will be saving up for pretty much forever and have to live with the interim stuff for a really long time. That's why it's not the absolute cheapest.

So now it is the weekend and things will start again on Monday.

There is a lot of waiting for things in life.
Having hobbies to fill up the waiting is helpful.

Today was also take away day and I watched more Agents of SHIELD.
If the new season is starting soonish I will have to watch more and quicker. :-)

And tomorrow is Doctor Who.
... I'm not best pleased with this season so far, but, even annoying Doctor Who is Doctor Who. Ish.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I have rediscovered the Garment For Leaving On Chairs :-)
Also a white skirt I had thought I'd lost. It's a very nice skirt, but it's also about the only white thing I own I haven't turned purple yet, so I'm very apprehensive about actually washing it. I suppose I could put it in on its own but that feels like letting the laundry win somehow.
Actually I should probably send it to the charity shops. I don't tend to wear white, let alone white skirts. It gets messed up too easily.
But it's a really nice fabric.

I have today sorted the entire corner closed off by the bed and the wardrobe door. Examination of pocket contents suggests this area has not been touched since 2006. Logically I can therefore get rid of the lot of it, and I have bagged very nearly all of it on that principle.

My cushion collection is almost all in bags waiting to be thrown out. Most of it doesn't have wash instructions and does have weird finishes and beads, so I'm pretty sure it's time to send it all to the big bin. But some of it has memories in. ... not all of them nice, actually, but still, memories. Some of it was presents. One bit was possibly presents thirty years ago. That one would need really a lot of washing if it's ever for use again, and I don't think it would work out.

There's all of two cushion covers that can come off and be washed, possibly, maybe. And one cushion with a care label sewn in. Everything else is super dusty velvets and furs and silver lame and so forth.

... my cushion collection was not on the whole accumulated for reasons of taste...

On the plus side, after all this sorting I definitely have many packing boxes less of Stuff to move, if I acquire somewhere to move to.

On the minus side it is currently in heaps in the very small hallway and I'm going to have to arrange things carefully if I want access to the bathroom without an avalanche.

On the also plus side I have also rediscovered my plastic pointy things on poles collection and the broomstick with all the shiny things and colored tape on it to make it magic. So that's me sorted for amusement for a while...
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Well... that was a ... bold change of direction.
I have watched episodes one and two, and have basically no interest in watching episode three or subsequent.
This isn't the show I started watching. It isn't even the remixed version of season 4. This is a whole entirely different show with different characters, and I am bored of it already.
None of this follows from the emotional arcs or character choices of the central characters, it's just stuff that randomly happens.
Plus Read more... )

This is stupid.
They'd have to sell me this show from scratch, and they haven't.
I'm bored.

... unfortunately I already own the box set anyway, so hey, I'll probably end up watching.
but it'll be very uphill if it wants me to be interested.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
I did the vacuum cleanering :-)
I braved the big noise that fills the world and usually makes me hide with my fingers in my ears.
But then it started making a noise like EEEEEEEEEEEEEE which seemed like a bad thing so I stopped and told mum about it.
So she came round and taught me how to successfully use the vacuum cleaner without making it go EEEEEEEE.
Turns out if you bend the tubes the wrong way or get stuff stuck up it that shouldn't ought to go in it in the first place such as random tissues then it will go EEEEEEEE and make the 'bag full' indicator go red, which means it's working too hard and whatever you were doing you should quit it.

Yes I'm 37 but I'm scared of the stupid thing and as it turns out don't know how to use it proper.

But I did vacuum the whole flat except the kitchen, which needs the floor done with the floor wipes. So I win.
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
Mum just picked up several large bags of clothes I never wear, to take to charity shops.
Many are very sparkly, but experience shows if it don't have arms I don't wear it.
Also some necklines are just not the thing.

I'm going to miss one of the shiny ones because it makes a good noise when the sparkly rubs together, but it covers like one tit so it's not in fact a garment.

I also sent away the toaster I only just bought a few weeks ago, because the instructions say you need to use oven gloves and then I didn't dare get it out of the box. That doesn't seem very helpful. But someone else will have a brand new toaster, so that's nice.

cleaner who is not the usual cleaner has been and gone, and I have wiped all the worktops over again, and also the loo seat because it's unhelpful when it's streaky wet from whatever they clean with.

I still have to use the vacuum cleaner. I've set myself to start that task at 1500. I shall see how well that goes.

And all day I am waiting for messages that will say if the house plan works or really finally doesn't.


beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)

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